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Bandwagoning?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by itsonlyrelative, Jan 9, 2014.

  1. itsonlyrelative

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    So I have been slowly trying to gain membership into my school's GSA (Gay-Straight Alliance) which the president won't allow me to be a member of (long story) and I stumbled upon a conversation between two of the members. Apparently one of the girls came out to a friend of hers but the friend didn't believe her and just thought it was a phase because being gay was suddenly "popular". The girl was stuck in the position where she had to defend her sexuality's legitimacy which I thought was ridiculous, but I was wondering if other people have been accused of "bandwagoning" when they have came out to people.
     
  2. Saint Otaku

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    I've heard of those kinds of accusations often on the internet, but it's never happened to me or anyone I know personally. From my knowledge, the most common instance of such ignorance targets those (particularly females) who come out as pansexual.
     
  3. mickey1101

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    I haven't personally but I know a few people who have been told that their just saying they're (insert orientation here) because other people were doing it at the same time. It is however a rare occurance for any guys I've known to experience this, its mostly girls.
     
  4. zebragirl22

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    Unfortunately I have. I came out to my mom twice. Once in high school when I started dating a girl. I broke it off within the first three weeks because I couldn't take the way my mom was treating me. She told me I was just going through a phase and that it happened to girls my age. Now, I'm in my fourth year of college. I have always found girls so attractive and this year again I started dating a girl, it has been about four months. I came out to my mom again when we first started dating and she is still trying to say that "I am going through a phase"...which clearly isn't true. I wouldn't be wasting my time on someone I didn't care about or didn't find attractive just to prove a point to my mother.

    I just think people who always think it's a "phase" are just incredibly ignorant if you ask me!
     
  5. MightNeedThis

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    It hasn't happened to me yet, but I'm pretty sure my parent/s will probably think that way of me. Same thing happened when I was depressed, my friends around me were, and my mom said she wondered if that's why I was treated for it.

    Now, I have a social circle that has a few gay people in it, and I'm petrified it will be perceived as a "bandwagon" thing again.

    However, just remember, they are just as confused as you were then you first started to find out. If that doesn't seem right, they are being unfair to you as a person.
     
  6. Here's what I think is happening;

    Straight people (who have never questioned their sexuality) really have absoultely no idea what it's like to be LGBT. To spend years figuring out that you're not 'normal' - then to put a label on it (and accept that label as part of your identity) is pretty damn tough. The straight friend thought they knew all of you - and it turns out they didn't, but they can't accept that, so they look for other explanations.

    So I guess the 'bandwaggoning' thing is just a way for the straight friend to make sense of something they can't understand, while still accepting you as a friend. There is a concerted effort in the US/Europe to normalise gay relationships, and for some straight people this is misinterpreted as promoting LGBT sexuality as a 'lifestyle choice'

    The best reaction IMO is to be adamant that you have no choice over your sexuality. If you value them as a friend and can still trust them - open up to them about your journey of discovery & tell them how long you have struggled with it for.
     
    #6 uniqueusername3, Jan 10, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 10, 2014
  7. Yossarian

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    This is a very perceptive and clearly stated observation of the current state of affairs. I applaud your conciseness.