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What to do? Gay or not to gay?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by tacosdotcom, Jan 9, 2014.

  1. tacosdotcom

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    First time posting a new thread.

    I need help. Right now I am quite drunk (hell I just came onto my best friend/roommate) and I am equally depressed and I am having trouble dealing with the cards life has dealt me at this point.

    I work for a small company. The only thing keeping it from being a church is a damned pastor, so it is near impossible to live a life that I need because they pay so well.

    I am going through a divorce where I only started marriage because I thought it was my way out of being gay. I just couldn't except that what I felt was okay. I kept having this feeling that how I felt was completely wrong and shouldn't be and with getting married that would solve everything.

    Nearly no one knows anything because I am just pretty much a male tomboy. I love video games, metal music, cars ect. and everyone at work thinks I am just going through a tough and painful marriage. Little do they know, I am fighting the most difficult battle of my life.

    Hopefully I will be living in a much more tolerable city/state like Seattle, Washington, but that is years away. Oklahoma is the worst place I can imagine to live in.

    So, there is a lot more to it than that. But, any suggestions? Hell, I can't even post a picture due to fear of losing my job.

    What do I do? Hide and move further into depression? Or should I just say fuck it and just live life? damn it.
     
  2. zebragirl22

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    I am so sorry to hear that you are going though such a tough time ):

    I hate how everyone is so quick to judge someone based on their sexuality and not as a person. I personally have never had to deal with any of this before. I know it has probably crossed your mind but I'm just coming in as an outsider but have you ever thought about looking for a new job? I'm not saying to just up and quit your current job but maybe just look around and see who's hiring?

    I must agree with you unfortunately, Oklahoma is definitely not a good place to want to be dealing with this. I am from the east coast, so things are a little different here. Are there any support groups in your area where you could talk about this with other people who might be going through similar things or might be dealing with coming out? Or have you thought about maybe going to therapy so you don't sink any further into depression? I know I don't know you, but it hurts me that you have to go through this and I would hate to hear that you are slipping into an even further depression.

    I know I threw out ideas that you have probably thought about before but I just want you to know that I support what you are fighting for. Please stay strong!!
     
  3. tacosdotcom

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    Sweetie, it does suck having to live in a state like Oklahoma. There are support groups, but there is so much I miss because the owners as well as co-workers are so involved with the christian religion that they will protest such events like the Pride Parade or anything of the sort. So that alone risks my job.

    The major problem is having to deal with how much they pay me. I work in customer service. I have never met such nice people as them in my whole life. The issue, Oklahoma is a right to work state... they can fire for ANY reason they want. With me being who I am I am lucky to not have been fired because of the music I enjoy.

    I do want to visit the equality center, but I am so shy it is almost a guaranteed panic attack lol.
     
  4. zebragirl22

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    I have honestly never heard about a right to work...that really does not sound fair at all. That interferes so much with your personal life way too much, where is the barrier?

    I know it might seem scary to visit the equality center, but it could end up being completely worth is for you. You really sound like you need to express yourself and that is the perfect place to do it without being judged...or fired at that matter!
     
  5. resu

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    Very sorry for this, but I definitely think you're doing the right thing getting out of a loveless marriage.

    I was born and raised in Oklahoma, so I feel your pain; though, being in an immigrant family meant homosexuality and gays were basically ignored/invisible. It is a pretty sad state in terms of LGBT people, but there are still positive places. I remember going to the Paseo Arts Festival and seeing a lot of out people, including one of my college music professors and her partner. So, I think you need to find a support network of others who can help you navigate through what you're doing.
     
  6. tacosdotcom

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    Quite sober now. It would seem that I had "right to work" mixed with "at will". At will is where an employer can terminate without cause. I believe I mentioned right to work because my managers like to throw the term around as if allowing us to have our 30 minute lunch is a gift from them to us and that they are not required to provide us with one. It was probably just floating in my noggin.

    I guess the issue with going just about anywhere to better myself would be that I am afraid I will run into people from my job. The owners are very much into helping everyone. Hell, they are extremely nice and giving that I just do not want to lose this job of mine. But, I were to run into one of them I fear that they would have the talk with me and let me go for the betterment of the company as well as my co-workers. People of my job are so active with religion that they will go to pride parades to try to "save" people.

    But, with all of the emotions bottled up, it will be very bad eventually. The thought of having a boyfriend or a husband is extremely amazing to me, but I don't want to have a relationship that stays out of society. I want to be proud. IDK it just sucks.

    ---------- Post added 10th Jan 2014 at 05:14 AM ----------

    No need to apologize hun. The marriage was a bad idea. It also doesn't help that it was partly for her citizenship. I am just glad we didn't have any kids. A simple uncontested divorce will take of it, just need the funds.

    What I am worried about, when it comes to support groups, is my co-workers or owners of the company showing up somewhere or me leaving somewhere that would put my job in danger.

    Because of how active my company is in Christianity it becomes dangerous (in my mind) to venture anywhere. I would love to go to the pride parade and what not, but they go to those things to "save" people, so that is obviously out.

    Perhaps my fear is irrational, but the fear still present. I just cannot wait to move to Seattle, but I have to and it is driving me crazy.
     
  7. Yossarian

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    You need to find a new job and move to some place that is more gay friendly; I know, easier said than done, but today is not too soon to begin working on your resume and looking at the online employment ads. The Bay Area, New York, or any other place with a large gay population comes to mind first.
     
  8. The Lost One

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    Hi there,

    I just wanted to write because I do think I have an understanding of how you feel. You have a justified reason for not coming out due to living in a homophobic area (If I'm reading correctly). I, on the other hand, live in an area that's not that homophobic but am still having a hard time with it all. However, your situation has giving me a bit more perspective. I REALLY hope you can make it to Seattle like want. I bet you'd have such a 'free' existence there. I wish you the best of luck. And remember, this forum can be very helpful (I know because it's helping me), so please ask for help if you need it.