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I can't F-ing take being in the closet anymore

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Daydream Harp, Jan 10, 2014.

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  1. Daydream Harp

    Daydream Harp
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    I am literally self destructing from the insane stress and depression of being in the closet about my gender and I think I need to start coming out now or else I am not sure what is gonna happen to my brain.

    Due to my family though, I feel I am not ready to come out IRL, but I thought about perhaps coming out publicly online, stuff like Tumblr and such. Though I am kinda scared of trolls and such if I do that.

    All I know is that I can't keep hiding anymore, the closet is running out of air and if I don't come out soon I will suffocate.

    Thoughts? Ideas? Advice? :help:
     
    #1 Daydream Harp, Jan 10, 2014
  2. AlexisAnne

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    Hello Daydream. I'm so sorry you have to go through what you're going through. I went through something similar when I was living with my dad and my sister. For me, I had come out to most of the world at large, but couldn't bring myself to come out to my dad, and I felt like I was suffocating and just mentally self destructing because, like you I had to remain in the closet at home.

    Let me ask you this, do you have any thoughts on how people might respond if you told them in real life. I'm absolutely not saying you have to do that right now. You'll know when it's right, but have you thought about it? Do you have reason to believe that there would be a negative reaction (I mean aside from that fear that we all have at the back of our mind when we're in your position, and on the verge of coming out?) For me, coming out online did help to alleviate the depression and frustration a little because at least there was some space, even if it was only virtual, where I could be the woman I was supposed to be.

    As far as Trolls and the like, who cares what they think? They're people you probably don't know IRL and probably will never meet, so let them say whatever the hell they want and don't let it get to you. I do think it's possible that coming out online, like you obviously have here, and like you're thinking on Tumblr might buy you a little time, but it sounds like you're coming to a point where you should start thinking about how and when you want to come out IRL, and whom to.

    I hope you're able to work things out. Feel free to post to my wall if you ever need to talk. If nothing else I'm always willing to listen :slight_smile:(*hug*)
     
    #2 AlexisAnne, Jan 10, 2014
  3. BradThePug

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    If you feel like coming out online would best help you, then I would go for it! I, personally have had one issue with a person on reddit when I came out as trans*. Other than that, I've not have any issues at all. (I'm not including facebook in this, I've had my share of issues with facebook and coming out).

    The good thing about coming out online is that if there are trolls, you can easily block them so they don't bother you anymore.. or you can alert the staff to the behavior and they usually are good at putting a stop to it as well. You'll never see these people in person, so you don't have to worry about avoiding them IRL, which is nice as well.
     
    #3 BradThePug, Jan 10, 2014
  4. Daydream Harp

    Daydream Harp
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    @AlexisAnne: Well my mother didn't believe me when I tried to tell her about 1 and a half year ago and my father seems extremely obsessed with masculinity, to the point where he gets mad at me if I cry and he says he is "allergic to pink" (he still claims to be LGBT friendly, but with some of the "jokes" he have made I am kinda doubting it a bit), so that is making me worried. Also my mother kept saying all my friends would abandon me if I came out to them.

    As for trolls, well I just worry I will get targeted by troll groups and end up with police on my door and that kind of extreme shit that I have seen other people go through because the trolls found it to be hilarious to call in a SWAT team to a innocent person's house.

    Thanks for the support, I will keep that in mind and same to you if you ever need someone to talk to (*hug*)

    @Thecat: Well that is reasuring, but as mentioned above in this post I am worried about the extremist troll groups.
     
    #4 Daydream Harp, Jan 10, 2014
  5. BradThePug

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    The chance of them finding your blog is really low though. I've heard of some of these things happening as well. The good thing is that in the end, the troll groups have to answer to the law since they tied up police resources and made false accusations.
     
    #5 BradThePug, Jan 10, 2014
  6. Mirko

    Mirko
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    Hi there! As it was mentioned above, the chances of trolls finding your blogs are low, so I wouldn't worry about it all that much.

    I wonder if a part of your fears is the feeling of having it out there on a blog generally, and perhaps not feeling quite ready for such a step, despite feeling of needing it to get out. Maybe as an intermediate step, try posting what you wanted to post on tumblr, or another blogging site, on your EC blog, and try to gauge as to how you are feeling about it.
     
    #6 Mirko, Jan 10, 2014
  7. katwat

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    I am so sorry that your parents are not being supportive of you. One thing that struck me from your post was "..my mother kept saying all my friends would abandon me if I came out to them." I just wonder if you have anyone close to you that you feel would be supportive of you. I know my daughter was very worried about talking to her best friend when she came out as bisexual. He is from a very conservative family and she has loved him dearly since they were five. He was completely supportive of her. In fact I think it strengthened their friendship because he knows she trusted him with something very important to her. Think about your close friends and family members. Maybe there is one that would be a safe start?

    Good luck to you.
     
    #7 katwat, Jan 10, 2014
  8. Daydream Harp

    Daydream Harp
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    @Thecat: Good point

    @Mirko: Wouldn't that be against the site rules in that it would make it very easy to just copypaste the text into Google and find my Tumblr?

    @katwat: Currently I have very few IRL friends, I have one who have said that "transgenders creep him out" and one who I only have contact with on rare occasions since we have grown apart from each other somewhat, and the rest is former band mates that I have no contact with anymore for various reasons. I don't think I have anyone IRL I trust enough.
     
    #8 Daydream Harp, Jan 11, 2014
  9. Mirko

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    Didn't realize you already had it on Tumblr. I interpreted as you still thinking about it. :slight_smile:
     
    #9 Mirko, Jan 11, 2014
  10. Daydream Harp

    Daydream Harp
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    Well yeah I am still thinking about it, but I mean, if I first post it on my blog here and then post it on my Tumblr later with the same text, wouldn't that technically break the rules in that it would be easy to find my Tumblr and by that my other online identities via that?
     
    #10 Daydream Harp, Jan 11, 2014
  11. Daydream Harp

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    Any official word on if the blog thing would break the rules or not?
     
    #11 Daydream Harp, Jan 11, 2014
  12. Daydream Harp

    Daydream Harp
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    Well I'll write a post on my Tumblr either way, but I have no idea where to even start or how to come out with it. Any help on the literal part of writing the text?
     
    #12 Daydream Harp, Jan 13, 2014
  13. Daydream Harp

    Daydream Harp
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    Hello? This is probably one of the most important things I have to do in my life and I would really appreciate it if someone could please help me here as I am very bad at getting my feelings "down on paper" in a good way and I am not sure how to structure my blogpost... :help: :icon_sad:
     
    #13 Daydream Harp, Jan 14, 2014
  14. BookDragon

    BookDragon
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    I think, since we could really easily trace it, that it would break the rules. All I'd have to do is google any random section and you'd come right up.
     
    #14 BookDragon, Jan 14, 2014
  15. Daydream Harp

    Daydream Harp
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    Oh dear... alright, I'll have to sit down and try really hard I guess then. I just hope I manage to convey the message in a way that won't scare people away or make it sound like I am just lying for attention or something (people like to accuse me of that for whatever reason).
     
    #15 Daydream Harp, Jan 14, 2014
  16. BookDragon

    BookDragon
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    You could always post it here first and send an admin request to have the thread removed so you can put it somewhere else...that MIGHT be allowed.

    Why do you want it on here and tumblr btw
     
    #16 BookDragon, Jan 14, 2014
  17. Mirko

    Mirko
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    Hi there! I have just sent you a PM - and sorry for the delay in responding.

    In terms of beginning to write a blog, and to express your feelings, and emotions, you could try reading a few coming out blogs, or coming out stories to see how others have conveyed their experiences.

    Using that as a starting point, you could probably find a way into how you could write/blog about your experiences, and what coming out to yourself, and others means to you.
     
    #17 Mirko, Jan 14, 2014
  18. Daydream Harp

    Daydream Harp
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    Well I want it on my Tumblr essentially to just come out, start being myself somewhere, pretty much that. The talks about posting things here first was for the sake of help with writing the post, though I think I have it written in a way I am happy with now after thinking long and hard about it.
     
    #18 Daydream Harp, Jan 14, 2014
  19. Daydream Harp

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    Well I guess I should update this and say that I managed to do it, I came out online. It feels good and everyone I have talked with who have seen my blog post have been okay with it and been very supportive, so that makes me happy.

    Though honestly it only helped a little bit, I still feel pretty lousy having to hide myself IRL and I feel that it's hard to really be myself online when I have to hide myself IRL at the same time. It's also starting to become really frustrating to have the wrong private parts when it comes to sexuality.
     
    #19 Daydream Harp, Jan 19, 2014
  20. BookDragon

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    Well, it might only be a tiny step in the big path, but you took it and you should be proud of yourself! Well done! I'm glad it went well!
     
    #20 BookDragon, Jan 19, 2014
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