Hey all- I'm not really sure how to start this, so I guess I'll jump right in... I like women. I was not one of those people who knew right away. I think I started questioning at the age of 18 or 19. I'm 23 now and trying to accept it myself. I have told one person. He is a good friend of mine who is also gay. It is nice to be "out" to someone, but I rarely get to talk to him because he lives in another country. I'm from a very small town so I knew I would never come out while living there. I moved to a large city about 5 months ago thinking that this would be my opportunity to finally be myself. Easier said than done. I'm stuck. At a standstill. I really don't have any close friends anymore other than the one that already knows, so I have no one else to confide in and help me figure myself out. I have a roommate who I know is accepting of the LGBT community, but I'm afraid to tell her for a couple of reasons. First her reaction may be different being that she has to continue living with me...I don't want to make her uncomfortable. Second, she is from my hometown and I am definitely not ready to be outed there yet if she were to let it slip. And finally, because she is not a very good listener. She never has "deep" conversations or shows any emotion. So basically, I'm here for any advice at all. I don't know where to go from here. I don't know any lesbians. I won't just go to a bar by myself. I'm scared of being rejected by the people in my life and the LGBT community because I am closeted with no experience or friends to help me out. Any words of wisdom? Thanks for listening. E.
Hi E. First of all, its always nice to meet somebody else from Minnesota! That's quite the situation you're in. It's tough to be in the closet and not feel you have anybody nearby that you can confide in. I'm curious about the friend. I know it might seem uncomfortable, but when I came out to my friends, none of them even thought for a second that I would suddenly be into them. To be fair,I didn't live with them either. Still, you said that she's excepting of the lgbt, so she may realize that just because you're gay it doesn't mean you want to sleep with every girl you meet or see, and if you felt a need, you could explain that too her. As far as outing you at home, do you trust her pretty well? I'm betting that if you tell her how important it is to you she would keep the secret. There are some things you just don't let slip. These are just thoughts. Ultimately what you do it's up to you. Do you anticipate a bad reaction if you were to come out on the whole? My recommendation on the whole it's always to at least start thinking about how and when you might be ready to come out, because whether it goes well our badly, you feel better in the long run. Wish I could help more!
Hi Emje, It seems to me you need to find some new friends where you are living now. Have you thought about joining a local lesbian group, or doing something like Roller Derby? From my limited experience, if the people there are worth their salt, they will be accepting, and recognise everyone had to come out at some point. By joining a lesbian group, you will be in a position where you don't have to proactively come out - they will just know by the fact you are there. I found a group where I live by doing a simple google search, and went along. Hope that helps. PF
