Hey ya'll, I'm a 20 year old college student looking for some advice. I've known I was gay ever since I went through puberty, and obviously hid it from everyone. I grew up in a non gay-friendly area so I grew up ashamed of myself for liking guys. Now that I am away at college I've really come to terms with it and am finally learning to accept that this is just an inborn part of who I am. Now about coming out... I consider myself (for lack of a better term) "straight acting", so all of my friends (to my knowledge) think I just have bad luck with girls. I come up with all sorts of excuses as to why I don't have a girlfriend or try to hook up with girls at parties just to hide it from my friends. Another thing that doesn't help the situation is that all of my friends are straight guys. I know they are way more accepting than my high school friends would be but I just want to know, will coming out be a bad decision? Luckily, my parents are very accepting people and I am not at all worried about coming out to them, I think they'll love me no matter what. I am on an athletic team so regardless of whether or not they are still my friends I will be around these guys a lot in the coming years. My biggest fear is that every interaction or every time we hang out will become awkward. I fear that I will stop being asked to come over to drink or to go out to a party by these friends if I come out. Has anyone else experienced this? I feel like most gays (that I know at least) have lots of friends that are girls, but I do not. So in conclusion, I really want to know what some reactions were from your same-sex (in my case male) friends about being gay? Did your relationships diminish? Any regrets about coming out to them? Any and all advice or experiences is appreciated.
Most of my close friends are straight guys and they were super accepting. Through out the years, I'd say that 98% of straight guys are totally accepting. And on top of that, if your friends aren't accepting of you, then you have crappy friends and need new friends. And you're at college, finding new friends is easy. I think you'll be fine. When it's over with and you're out of the closet, you'll think to yourself, "that wasn't as hard as I thought it would be". Family is the real hard part because unlike friends, you're stuck with your family. But like you said, you think they'll be accepting. Just go slow, and give them time to get used to the idea. Just be confident but also patient.
This makes me feel much better. Is there any way you'd recommend coming out to them? One at a time? Should I come out to my team as a whole? It's not exactly something you just bring up in casual conversation...
I think you will find most people accepting.. The usual fear is you will lose everyone and be ostracised. That is a natural concern but never actually happens. (called catastrophising). There may be the one who is 'weirded out' but frankly that's their problem to sort out not yours !! Good luck !!
Probably about 85% of my close mates happen to be straight guys, heck I spend most of my days after work at my childhood best friends house with another close friend of mine (so 2 straight guys and me hanging out). If I think back I came out to all of them on a face to face, one to one level. I think there was like 2 who I came out to at the same time. Of course there will be shock, but my relationships never diminished, in fact they didn't even really care. I'm actually trying to think what's actually different but the only thing I can really think of is I get a lot more gay jokes now, but it's all in good humour. So yeah, no regrets whatsoever.
From everything I've read, a collegiate sports team locker room can be a tricky place to be out, so I understand your worries there. If you think your family will be supportive, that might be a good place for you to start. You can also see if there's an LGBT center on campus. As for my experiences? I'm pretty masculine and most of my friends have been straight guys. But so far all the friends I'm out to have been totally fine with it. They were just surprised. As one of them said (pardon me for being graphic here), "It's not that I have a problem with it at all. I'm just trying to get used to hearing you talk about how much you want dick." And I've been very clear with them that if I do make them uncomfortable if I start talking about guys and sex to please let me know, since sometimes I tend not to have much of a filter haha. But so far, so good.
I've had pretty much nothing but good experiences with coming out to my straight male friends. They all, for the most part have been very supportive. Not much advice to give here but just another voice of support that it went WAY better then I thought it was. I too was in so much fear of being rejected that it let me stay in the closed for far to long. If you think your ready go for it. I think you will feel much better. I know I do. Go Wisconsin!
I think I can opine. I was in a social fraternity in college, so nearly all of my friends are straight guys. I am out to all of them and have had absolutely no problems. Now, it's not something we really talk about (except for a few guys I'm particularly close with), but they don't treat me any differently. And I know they have my back. It really is a different day and age. As for how I came out: I came out to only one person initially. That one I did in-person. A few months later, I came out to all of pledge brothers via email. A month after that, everyone had heard the news. It was relatively painless for me that way. Bringing it up initially is probably the hardest part. I told the first guy I came out to that I needed to tell him something very important later that night. When the time came, I made sure we were alone, took a second to collect my thoughts, and just told him. It was difficult, but it was worth it.
Hi OnWisconsin, I don't have much advice to offer other than it's not a good idea to wait to come out until your 30s. TRUST ME! When you're in your 20s everybody is 'finding themselves' to a certain extent so I think now is the perfect time for you to come out. Not that I'm pressuring you, I just wish I had done this a long time ago because I think it's even harder now than it would have been if I had come out in my 20s. I wish you the best of luck!
I have to say I was so comfortable dressed as a woman that I'm considering doing it full time but am petrified of the backlash I may get from my bosses and coworkers. I work in an environment that brings me into contact with major vendors and clients daily and I am scared that the company will accuse me of hurting their image with my "ridiculous or outlandish behavior"
