I am a 33 year old woman who has a loving female partner of 2 years. It's got to the point now where I want her to move in with me. She's not comfortable with this until my parents and family know about our relationship. She's not forcing me to come out but encouraging me to tell my family so we can get on with our lives and include them in it. My parents are cool but live in a small community where I wouldn't want them to have people gossip about them. I have a gay aunt and a gay uncle so they are very accepting. We are close but we don't really talk about feelings and they never ask me if I am seeing anyone. I would also come out to my older sister but have a similar relationship and even though we are close and enjoy spending time together, we don't really talk about feelings. I just don't actually know what to say to them, as we don't talk about feelings, it's kinda hard to start a conversation about feelings with them. I live far away from them, but speak to them regularly on the phone, I feel a bit bad telling them like this but think it's probably the best way or not? Argh I really don't know. Has anyone come out over the phone? Any advice is welcome and thanks in advance.
I'm probably not the best person to give advice about this since I'm not out myself, but I have a few thoughts: 1) Since it sounds like your parents are pretty likely to be accepting of your sexual orientation, I think the more painful thing for them would be learning that you've had such a significant relationship for the past two years without them knowing. That's nothing you should feel guilty about because they'll probably never understand just how difficult it is to open up about this stuff for the first time, but try to be aware how this probably feels to them. 2) I don't think I could ever do something like this over the phone. Again this is kind of hypocritical since I haven't done this through any medium, but for me that would be more difficult than writing a letter or even doing it in person (just watch, it's totally going to happen now ). I just think the other two options are preferable because with a letter you can be more composed and get across everything you want to say while in person you leave less open to interpretation (since supposedly more than half of all communication is nonverbal). On the other hand, it may feel better to just get it over with and there's no doubt that a phone call would be the quickest way. 3) I can completely relate to never talking about feelings with your parents and I think that is the most difficult obstacle to overcome. I know now that I've accepted it for myself I would answer honestly if my parents asked me if I was gay, but I think it's much more difficult to bring it up myself. I would find it almost as tough to tell my parents I had a girlfriend as a boyfriend at this point which I know is kind of messed up. 4) It doesn't sound like there's any risk of destroying your relationship with your family which is awesome. I think my situation is the same, but regardless I've always felt it would be easier to come out if I had someone who would be even harder to lose than my parents and it sounds like you may have that. Having someone special by your side will hopefully provide you with the strength to go through with this. I don't know, I don't think there's anything all that useful in this post, but good luck!
It sounds like your relationship with your parents is similar to my relationship with my parents. We're close, but we don't really talk about feelings or emotional stuff. That being said, I came out to them in early December. Doing it in person would have been painfully awkward for me, so I chose to write a letter. The letter was straightforward and fairly short. It was really the easiest way for me to do it.
Thank you both so much for your replies. Your advice is much appreciated. I like the idea about writing a letter, maybe I would tell my sister first this way as then I'd have some support before telling my parents. @mbanema - your last point touched me, my partner is definitely worth it and incredibly supportive. I hope you find someone you want to do this for too @confused1234 - well done on taking the next step. I'm full of admiration and will take your advice and use it towards being more out. Thanks again both x
