Maybe I can get some help here. Ever since I was 12 I've known I was transgender. I'm 19 now, soon to be 20, and up until a couple of months ago have been keeping it a secret. It's been very difficult and uncomfortable for me to hide who I really am for so long. I know I can't keep this lie up any more and wan't to start transitioning asap...But at the same time I'm very nervous and shy when speaking about things like this. I worry that people won't understand, will think I'm confused/crazy or never speak to me again. I've been trying to be assertive about it and tell my friends and close relatives, I think it would be better than just springing it on them. (So far I have managed to tell my Dad, his girlfriend, and two of my friends. They were all surprisingly supportive, though a little confused since I've never hinted at it before, even though I've never been girly.) I visit my mom all the time and I'm really worried about telling her. I know they won't take it as well as the others. I have always had a slightly difficult relationship with my mom and we tend not to get along sometimes, especially when it comes to our different opinions on things. We tend to argue a lot. She can yell a lot, may be very judgmental, and has said I was crazy more than a few times because she disagrees with some of the things I say and do. I feel like I can’t tell her anything because I’m afraid of the way she could react, but I also feel like I need to in a way, because I do love her even if she can be harsh and it seems better than just doing it and surprising her down the road. I plan on going to her house today(around 11 or 12) and telling her.I could use some advise on how to tell her and what to say and how to explain what I am feeling. I have tried being subtle, hinting, and pressing that I may like the idea of being a guy, it hasn't worked. Though I do think she's starting to suspecting something, she hasn't asked if I was trans. She asked if I was a lesbian once when I was trying to tell her and more recently if I was trying to look androgynous (she actually seemed mad about that one) when I got my hair cut short. I just need some advise to cool my anxiety, any helps. Thanks very much!
If you haven't already left, I'll have a go. Don't bother hinting, I've never known anyone to ask someone if they are trans because of subtle hints before...you know, unless a MaaB came around in a dress or something. Try thinking of it this way. You are doing your mum a favour. You are telling her in advance what you plan on doing so she has time to ask any questions and get her head around it before before she suddenly finds a new son staring her in the face. You're not their to get her opinion or ask her permission, what she thinks of it doesn't matter in the sense that it doesn't change how you feel. From that point, it's on her to deal with it, not for you to feel bad about. If she DOES take it badly, just remember that they other people you told have been good with it and that it IS a hard thing to take in. Try not to get cross and upset, just tell her 'these are the facts' and let her react. Good luck!
