Hi Guys: Well a couple of days ago I sort of lost it with my mom and poured gatorade all over here. I know I am old enough and should know better not to do this kind of stuff. Its kind of embarassing to be 28 and write what I did, but I have to be honest it was VERY liberating. And I am a lot less angry. Its just for years and years I have wanted them to care, listen and be supportive. Its weird, because I really do not talk to my mom that often when i do I sound like such a little kid. Its like beggging for her to be there and she never is. I can see I am coming together(depsite throwing gatorade on her) and I feel disappointed that I am not more together, but I am still working really hard on it. Sometimes I am disappointed with therapists. I know what I did was not right, but after I told him what I did he said your mom could press assault charges. My mom didn't, and when I threw the gatorade I knew she probably would not. But I think part of the reason my therapist said it, is I wouldn't put it passed her. Like can't let someone just let me be angry for once without someone trying to throw the guilt on me??. Like my doc said, what is next, after the gatordate. And I keep thinking, nothing. I was just annoyed, frustrated and disappointed. But I am worried that the guilt for throwing gatorate might take over and bother me for a month like it did after said some cruel things to my father a few months ago. I am not a brat or spoiled by any means and I get along with people well. Its just the 2 people who had me have disappointed me in everyway possible. I think I am going to go back to the pflagg meetings. I have not, because I run with the front runner guys that day, but I still think I need some more support. And the front runners guys meet 2 times a week I sometimes think everyone(and some are) is wondering when is Justin going to get a full time job, and get it together. I am its just taking me a bit longer. Its hard for me to do fun things still. Its hard when your immediate famiyl provides no support at any level with or about anything. Its weird, but I told a lady in my apartment complex that I came first in my age bracket at the race a few weeks ago. She said I don't really know what you mean by age bracket. I said you know like, 25-29, 30-34. What she said was she knew about the age bracket, but she said something like why go by age brackets, you came in 1st. She said I am not giving myself enough credit. Actually a few people who I have told that I run told me they would like to come see me run. I am amazed by this. I didn't tell the lady about the race last week, and she told me I should of. She said she wants to come. I know this sounds silly, but it sort of makes me want to cry that there are people that care. I know this might sound a little silly to, but a guy in the running group told me I had cool sunglasses. I was in a good mood for a week after that. Justin ps-I promise no more throwing gatorade on my mother. And keep rooting for me I need it.
Hi there! You must have been really angry at her. Don't be ashamed over it. Often when we are angry we do things that we normally would not do or be incomprehensible to us. When you get into arguments with your mom or your dad for that matter, try to keep your composure as best as you can. Try to remain calm and don't let it get to you like this. Take a step back. Sometimes it is better just to walk away from an argument rather than losing it. I'm sorry that your parents are not more supportive of you. It does not matter at what age you are, having support from parents (no matter in what form) is still very important. Once everybody has calmed down, try talking to them and ask them why is that they are not more supportive of you. Tell them that you feel hurt and that you would like them to listen to you and be there for you. Talk to them about it. Try not to think too much about what other people are thinking about you. Honestly, it does not matter what other people are thinking about you because it is your life. You are in control of it. You do the things you need to do in your own way and time. I think it is a great idea to attend the PFLAG meetings again. Yes, they are a great source of support and I think you need that support and it always good to have it. Congrats on your great run! I hope this helps! If you ever need to talk or wanna chat, fell free to pm at any time.
