So...hi all! I'm newish to EC (been reading the forums for about a month but just started a profile) but the support I've found here is incredible so I'm here to stay :icon_bigg Without going into too much detail, I've been questioning my sexuality for a few months now but I think deep down I've kinda known for awhile. I was never like all my friends, having boyfriends and crushes from middle school on. I think I can count on one hand the guys I've 'crushed' on but always just in a "Oh, he's nice and is attractive" way but never more than that. So I finally came out to myself as a lesbian. It feels so freeing to accept myself and realize that my feelings for girls, while subtle, are still very real. The problem is coming out to everyone else. I want to do it, because I'm finally happy with who I am and I want everyone I know to be too. But I haven't figured out how to. Complicating the issue is that my little sister has her first boyfriend and understandably, my parents are happy for her. I think they expect me to have one too, as I've just graduated college and have yet to go on more than 1 date with anyone! I know I'm a late bloomer though and now that I've accepted who I am, I'd be willing to date some girls once I get settled in a new place with a job. I kinda sorta came out to my mom last week, but I wasn't ready to. I was just mad at my sister for being so obsessed with her BF that I spilled that I never want a BF. My mom asked if I liked girls and I said yes and she asked me if I'd ever had crushes on girls and I wasn't sure what to say, because I think my crushes were different than most people's. They weren't super obvious but looking back now I know they were definitely still crushes. My mom told me she thinks I'm just confused and left it at that, which hurt me. I was expecting more support, but I guess she was understandably shocked. How should I approach my next attempt at coming out so it's more successful?
Hey, first off welcome to EC! Now to answer your question, what I would do is approach her when you are in more of a calm mood. You said you were annoyed/mad at your sister when you spilled the beans the first time, which could make your mom say that you're just confused. Tell her how you've been feeling and how long you've been experiencing these feelings. If you need I'd recommend writing things down before you talk to her, that way it's fresh in your mind of what you want to say. If she still says you're probably just confused, then just leave it for the time being, and keep bringing it up every once in awhile, to make sure she knows that you're not going through a phase of some sort. I'm sure there are others here who could give you better advice, but I hope it's a start for you.
Thank you so much! I think I will try writing out my thoughts before I tell her again and at least use them to guide me. And most definitely, I will try again when I'm ready and in a better mood to discuss it!
Hello Femmeinpink. Sometimes its harder to come out, because of many reasons, not just those who you are coming out to, but coming out to yourself and being happy in that. Lets just say, even if you are not completely set on your sexuality 100%, that you are infact open minded and feel more at ease in the thought of it. I'll tell you now, once you settle on who you are as a person, and happy in your sexuality and what matters to you, Then you are able to work on your relationships with your family and friends. Once you are completely sure of yourself, and nothing anyone can say will make you doubt that (because doubts always a serious problem in people finding themselves), then you can stand on your own two feet, and tell your parents and sister who you are and what matters to you. I came out to my mother when I was 18 (I'm 32 now) and she was happy I finally confessed and opened out about it. My father didn't care less, and my brother just became awkward, but that didn't matter, I was happy in who I was end of the day. So yeah, find your feet, and the rest works itself out. Trust me, having that confidence in yourself is a huge bonus.
Thank you Brohg, that actually makes a lot of sense to me! I was in a place where I was still doubting myself and so it made for a not so successful attempt at coming out. I think having more confidence in myself will help a lot the next time around.
