How do I explain trans* issues to my parents?

Obviously any answers I give here aren't necessarily going to work, but it should give you an idea of where to start from!

1) 'You're confused because you're a teenager and this is what they do at your age'
This would be a stupid, but more understandable comment if you were between 13 and 15. You're 18, a legal adult. Does that mean you can't be confused about something? No, of course not, but saying it's an age thing at this point doesn't make sense. If nothing else because they have no right to STOP you doing anything about it at this point. Ask them if they will still be asking you this question when you are no longer 'teen' aged. That's less than 2 years. SURELY they don't think there is just some immediate switch over from the last day of 19 years to the first day of 20 whereby you stop being a confused child! If they do, they are fools, if they don't their argument makes no sense. What would the say if you came to them at 25 and told them. How about 40? What age do you have to be before the consider you old enough to not be confused.
How long would they have you wait?


2) 'You might find that you are transgendered and that's fine... or you might just be gay'
This one is tricky, because you have to make them realise that the two aren't related in that way. Essentially, you have a couple of lines to work on here. The first, is that this would ONLY cover sex. Do people think that it would be better if they were female to cover up unpleasant feelings they may have about gay sex? Sure, all the time, BUT the key difference is that these people don't tend to go ahead and think that it would be for them ALL the time. You spend far less of your time having sex than you do anything else. It's the rest of the time you want them to focus on! When you are going shopping alone, how does liking men enter into it? When you are sitting at your computer doing work or reading or gaming or whatever, where does liking men factor in? It doesn't. If you still feel you are a girl during those times, then how can they argue that it's just a cover for being gay?

3) 'Maybe getting a boyfriend would make you feel better and not want to change'
This is the time where conversation can get...uncomfortable, because this is the point in time when you find yourself needed to talk about body things, and personally I don't like talking about my body with my family! Take a piece of dysphoria, and ask them, how would having a boyfriend fix that? Some they will be able to answer, others not so much.
An example might be for me, I really feel like my chest is incomplete without breasts. I can't imagine how getting a boyfriend would change that.

4) 'So you want to be a woman?'
This is the part where you become assertive (assuming you are confident in your position here). As you said, you feel you ARE a woman. So it's not that you want to BE a woman, it's that you want to express that outwardly the same way other women do. One important thing here is the use of the word 'want'. You're not asking for permission here. If your mind is made up that you want to start transitioning, you need to remove the word want from the equation. It's not a case of "I want to..." it's "I'm going to and I'd like your support".

An important thing to understand is that judging by these questions, your parents don't SEEM to be in a bad place with all this, they appear to want you to be certain your not just confusing it with something else. It's an understandable position, even if to be on the outside of it feels very hurtful.

As for your quote at the bottom, remind them that they are married and have a child and all the other things they've ever done in their lives that turned out to be good that they hadn't done before. More importantly, remind them that it wouldn't make the slightest bit of difference, you don't need to experience something to know you need it any more than you need to have experienced something to say you DON'T need it. I know damn well I don't want AIDS but I've never had it, by your parents logic I couldn't say I don't know I want it until I've had it. That argument works both ways!

 

Don't thank me yet, let's see if it works first

 

If i can give you an other advice, don't try to use only “logic” against them , because in this case it may be not your best ally. Pardon my poor english but i'm italian.

Surely first you can tell them that stereotypes are accurate only if based on reliable information, but the problem is that the information about groups other than our own are taken from indirect sources, and almost always distorted, and this in particular for gay people . Therefore the stereotypes they have about gay people and gender dysphoria are not accurate, and you can give them more accurate information. This is a good start.

But this alone may be not enough at first, because stereotypes work on our subconsciuos too, and therefore they may block our ability to see thing rationally. Also if their love for you is strong (and i bet it is) now they may fear that you are in danger, and this will cloud their ability to think rationally. You need to work on their subconscius too, on their emotions.

A good way to do it is to make them begin to think to gay with dysphoria as real people, and show them that they suffer to stimulate their compassion ,which is an emotion with the power to overcome racism and homophobia . Compassion and moral progress go hand in hand. The book "Uncle’s Tom Cabin" did a lot against racism because was capable of making people feel compassion towards an “outgroup”. Ask them to read a book that show the life and struggle of gay people. Ask them to watch videos where people with dysphoria tell their stories and how they suffer. This may work fine and help them to be more rational about this.

I give you an hug from italy.