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Out but uncomfortable

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by JustMe2602, Jan 15, 2014.

  1. JustMe2602

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    I have come out to both my parents (and I think my brother knows) and a few of my friends but I am still uncomfortable talking about it. I'm out for about a year now but still I feel so awkward talking about it if/when anyone brings it up even though they know I'm gay.

    How can I make it less awkward? Because when I feel awkward talking about it, they will start to feel awkward too...

    (btw, I have accepted myself so that isn't the problem here)
     
  2. Lexington

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    It may be that you're simply not used to it.

    When I first came out, I felt weird mentioning it. I felt like every time I made any comment at all related to my sexuality, I was saying "I LIKE HAVING SEX WITH GUYS. YOU KNOW THAT THING GAY GUYS DO, PUTTING DICKS IN BUTTS? YEAH, THAT - THAT'S TOTALLY ME." Even if that had nothing to do with what I was saying. It took me awhile to simply get used to it. Now, I find I'm pretty quick with witty comments about my sexuality, and it feels completely natural. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  3. loserboyWonder

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    it was awkward at first when i came out, too !! even if you're perfectly okay with yourself, it can sometimes be awkward to deal with people who don't understand completely. or even just the feeling that they don't understand completely. it will get better with time, though !!
     
  4. AAASAS

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    ha thats exactly how I feel when anyone that knows I am gay mentions it. I am comfortable with it myself, but am too paranoid that people are thinking about gay sex when they think about me being gay.

    To the OP, I've been like this for years and slowly am opening up, I suggest you try to actually get yourself more used to it and experienced with it. I have delayed talking about it for so long that it actually has become an EVEN BIGGER problem than it was a couple years ago, because I have worked up and anticipated what I dread happening for so long. It's better to bite the bullet and get it over with, otherwise you may dig yourself a hole that can take years to get out of.

    I know it sounds ridiculous but saying "I'm gay" out loud thousands of times, kind of helped me, it helped me at least be able to say the word around other people.
     
  5. Hyaline

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    I totally agree with the "I'm gay" a thousand times thing.

    I've been out for almost 18 years. And at this point in my life I don't really care who knows. Oddly, there are occasions where I don't say anything because it is irrelevant to the situation. For instance, I have a very religious client who always asks me about my wife. She never asked but assumed I was married (we have been together for 6 years). So when she asked I tell her about my partner, but leave out his name. In the old days it would have been out of fear, now it is out of respect. I don't want to make her uncomfortable and it has nothing to do with me stopping by to fix her QuickBooks and printer.

    All that being said, I didn't feel comfortable talking about it out loud until I had a few gay friends that we could all lean on when we needed to vent. They "got it" and understood where I was and what I was going through. They helped me as much as I helped them. That support base is so essential for most of us when coming out and it really can be a huge help if you are uneasy.

    I have a friend "T" (who hasn't told anyone) who has dated another friend of mine "R" (who is totally out.) "T" hasn't told anyone, but we all know about it. Despite his best efforts to keep everyone from knowing it's a bit difficult to hide it. "R" and I have talked about it and "T" hasn't gotten to the point where he has said it out loud even once. Once he does that, it will get easier for him. He obviously knows all of us but hasn't even told us. I remember being afraid of telling anyone. And I am sure he is still stuck in that place.

    I live my life like any other person. I haven't had to say "I'm gay" for ..... well, I can't remember the last time I said it out loud, probably years. But it took saying it many many times before it finally stopped being uncomfortable. Give it time and find some terrific friends. You are well on your way..
     
  6. Seagypsy

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    I feel exactly the same! Lol
    I don't like to talk about my gay feelings or label myself really, so I generally don't discuss things as much as I should. I really need a friend right now to offload the awful pressure of being in love with my boss, but feel too shy to talk to workmates.... Perhaps I should try?...
     
  7. The Lost One

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    I totally relate to this thread. I have been out to most of my family for almost a month now. I STILL have a really hard time saying "I'm gay". It's like, I want them to know, and am getting used to them knowing but the words still seem so foreign on my tongue. I can type it here no problem.

    I think my main issue is because I don't want that label to define me as a person. I am attracted to men...not women. That's how I see it. I feel like if I say "I'm gay", it opens up this whole universe of rainbow flag wearing, pride parade attending, and Cher worshipping. So, yes, I'm gay but really don't have a lot of interest in many of the things commonly associated with being gay. (Though, I do like shopping and have a great sense of style.) :wink: I know these are all stereotypes but it's still hard to get used to. Hopefully it will get easier to say over time.
     
  8. Mysz

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    Speak casually about it. Think about it a lot. Read a Playboy magazine. When you talk abut it, smile a lot, and if you get any questions about sex or kissing other girls, be casual about that too. The people you talk to about it will feel less awkward if you sound casual, and in return, you'll start feeling less awkward too =) Good luck!