Hello everyone, This is my first post here and let me start off by just saying who I am. I am a 17 year old in the closet bisexual guy (senior in high school) who lives in a suburban area in Indiana. I found out about myself in 6th grade, and spent my junior high denying it and accepting it throughout my first three years in high school. I am in the midst of a relationship with a girl, and have had a secret one with another guy. On another note, I am still involved in Boy Scouts but that will end once I turn 18, in July. I am very interested in American politics and ironically to some, I am an avid supporter of the Republican party, but that is for a different discussion... I am writing this because I am unsure what to do... As I said above, I am still in the closet, but feel as if I need to tell people. I am currently involved with a girl my age, but she is none the wiser to my 'secret'. Recently I told my best friend (which i don't have any extra feelings for) that I was bi. he suprised me by also telling me he was bi, but the same applied to the extra feelings. The only other person that knows is someone who i used to frequently play video games with who lives in Louisiana (he is gay). He has helped me work up the courage to understand how to talk to people and what not. This is my problem. I live in a primarily radically conservative area, which basically means that most of my current friends and aquatences are pretty staunch anti-gay and whatnot. I'm also (like many) worried about what my parents will say, though I'm a little at ease since my aunt is an out lesbian and is still warmly welcomed in my family, and my grandma thinks I'm gay already (according to my mom). But I fear that if I tell my parents, the word will spread quickly, and then everyone would know. I'm also worried about what my girlfriend will say when she finds out I am bi... Her best friend is gay but I have no clue if she will understand or not... All in all I want to say hello to everyone here, but also I ask for help on what I should do... Should I keep it a secret or start telling people and risking some friends. Thanks for your help -Jonamo
Hey Hey, Its really up to you dude :-s, Like if you feel you have to tell people tell only people that you feel that you trust! and if your GF finds out your Bi she should take it well if she cares for you. xoxo.
Hey there Jonamo! Firstly, welcome to EC! You have yourself in a bit of a situation don't you! I'm gonna start off being the bitch and saying you have to stop this double life! It's going to ultimately end badly with either one of your partner's. Secondly, it's hard for anyone to give you advise on how to come out, when to do so and to whom without knowing you and the people around you. The best advise we can give you is to talk to people, both here and in real life (your aunty would be an excellent source of support and information) and to what you feel is right, you can't force yourself to come out before you are ready within yourself. Once you're on the other side you will look back at ask why u waited to long to cross. Be not proud to folly nor see emotion as weakness, seek that which will help and to understand that which will not. Communicate and the universe shall respond. (forgot whom said this once) Good luck!
Jonamo: Bisexuality is something that is not constant. You will find that your attractions to men and women will vary and change over the next few years. Some people continue to alternate between attractions to men and women for the rest of their lives. Others settle into gay or straight relationships and are happy in those relationships. This is a big secret to keep. What concerns me about your circumstance is that it sounds like you have a very limited support system right now. Also having a girlfriend is also a complicating factor. Coming out to your friends/family needs to be balanced against the possible repercussions. Don't come out if your parents might throw you out of the house Don't come out if your parents will cut you off financially. Don't come out if you do not have friends/family who will be there to support you during the process Don't come out if you are in an environment where people gay-bash or harass gay/bi people What are your plans for college? It might do you a world of good to go to college in a more liberal environment where people are tolerant and accepting.
I hopefully going to go to Indiana University in Bloomington to study radiology. For some reason, I'm not worried that my parents will throw me out, they are really cool, but i know word will spread from there. I don't know why I think that but that's what I'm worried about for some reason.
i would wait until after high school. that way you could enjoy all 4 years and be well liked all 4 years instead of possibly having a miserable senior year.
Wow, first of all welcome, but I have to say that its almost like your relating my own life story. I live in conservative California (yes there is such a place) so theres not a lot of the LGBT thing going on round here. Two, I'm in Boy Scouts too, working on my eagle, I'll be 18 in December. Also a staunch gay republican (I know I'm just full of contridictions) and hopefully will be in politcs as well. Also, before I had a lot of realizations about myself I was bi and did have a girlfriend. But getting back to you. The girlfriend thing really isnt all that bad. Girls tend to handel it a lot better than guys in the first place. Plus my girlfriend thought it was really kinda nice cause I could connect with her on a whole different level that a straight guy ever could. As for friends, pick and choose as they come, take your time, figure out their reactions before. Let them see pieces of it so that you can gauge them. Trust me in saying that there is nothing more lifting than to actually be able to talk about that cute guy that walked past with someone. Other people can be a whole different matter. Its not radically conservative here among the younger generation so that helps. Me being gay is pretty much an open secret for the most, its just not talked about in the open. So I dont know what to say about that. But for me the awnser for this is college, to get out and remake myself and get not just to be whoever I want, but what I actually am. I would say wait. Think before you act and take it one day at a time. It can be frustrating but life isnt meant to be perfect, if it was it wouldnt be any fun. Hope it helps -Jonathan
Thank you for that, and that is very similar and kinda funny. I think I am going to wait until at least the winter season unless something comes up. Thanks for your advice and please keep posting if you think of anything more. -Jonamo (and stargate, we have the same name too, which is kinda weird too)
