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Coming out... slowly...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by wolf8, Jan 15, 2014.

  1. wolf8

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2014
    Messages:
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    Location:
    NC
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hello all,
    I'm in the process of coming out right now after having quite a bit of time to really assess myself and feel comfortable with my orientation. I identify with bisexual with a preference for males (right now). With graduation coming in a few short months and college beginning soon, I made it a goal to level with my friends and prepare myself for being fully 'out' in college. At this point, there are about 15 people that know I'm bisexual and most have taken it relatively well, although many were pretty surprised. Since I need to choose a college within the next few months, this post has a few questions in it. I'm very close with my family, but still not out to them; I've been attempting to gauge their tolerance for it (conservative family) and haven't had any conclusive results. My dad's family is relatively religious; however, after some indirect questions I discovered that they will hold family over anything, including orientation. On the other side, my mom comes from a country where homosexuality isn't antagonized per se, but it's frowned upon. The largest problem with her side, including herself, is that they don't believe in bisexuality. I've been preparing myself to come out to them at some point soon, but at the same time, I don't have any desire to get cut off, especially right before college. Any advice here? While on the college topic, I applied to universities, both close and far, and am wondering, based on whether or not I come out to them, what is the better choice assuming that the academics are relatively similar. On one hand, staying close allows me to visit whenever and remain close; however, I would need to be slightly more careful if I decide to stay closeted for a bit longer. Moving away provides me with the freedoms of being outside their range and beginning in a new city but makes it significantly harder to visit, especially for a student's budget. Any advice? Thanks a lot!
     
  2. Kamina

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2013
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    Location:
    Canada
    For Universities? Away away away away away away away away away away away away away away away

    However that could just be my feelings about the coming year. (I'm doing 5 hours, that ensures a call before they come)
    As for coming out... well I just came out to one person, who is already a member of the LGBTQ community. What I can say is you don't need to rush it. I plan on being out in university and then I'll have a group of friends if anyone desides to disassociate with me. Also I wouldn't jepordize anything with your family this close to getting away. I don't think you would have a problem, I think your mom's side is more likely to ignore it than anything else (thats how it sounds to me), but still. Why chance not being able to go away?

    That's just my opinion on the matter, hope it helps!
     
  3. Yossarian

    Full Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Going to college is the traditional American way to "run away from home". Translated, this means establishing your own identity and relationships with your new peers. You will probably do this better if you are separated from your parents, since the identity you want to assume is different from that which they have of you.

    Parents expect that their children will change and mature when they go off to college, so if you come back to them with a different sexual identity, they will be more likely to accept that as what you have grown into, than if you just announce it to them then leave for college. You probably want to attend a college with a more liberal reputation than most people think North Carolina to be, or at least one with a gay-friendly reputation as opposed to something like the Citadel, for example. In any event, the further you are away from them, the easier it will be to be relaxed and open with your new friends, and you are less likely to get any "surprise" visits which might find you in an awkward situation, if you want to keep the closet door closed to them for a while longer.