Lately I've been coming to terms with myself. I'm an 18yo male and I am struggling. I have had the terrible feeling for quite some time that I am attracted to the same sex, but only in the past few months, with the freedom of college, has the idea constantly stuck into my brain. It has tormented my mind for these months and the worst part is that I have nobody to talk to. I sometimes fantasize about getting drunk at a party to meet a random person and out myself to them. The idea of the no consequence conversation about myself and my sexuality seems like the only thing that could help me during this time in my life. Thankfully, I have something like this website where I can almost have that conversation. So here we go. I'm bi/gay. There is no getting around it. It's a part about myself that I truly hate. When I was young, I never wanted anything but to grow up and be just like my father. I wanted to have a beautiful wife, who is also my best friend and beautiful children who I can love and take care of. This part about myself, the part that I hate, nearly destroys that dream. The part I hate is that if I were to pursue this part of myself, there is no turning back, there is no way I can ever be viewed as normal in both my and other people's eyes. I was born into a family of four, my wonderful mother, my hard working father, and my older brother. My older brother just recently came out as gay which ruined me. How am I supposed to come out now? If I am gay, what will happen to my family name, my genes... I ruin almost any chance of my parents becoming grand parents and if they become grandparents, they wont feel totally in tune with the kids. I just can't help feeling that I am the glue that is keeping my family together. I love my mother to death, but she is an alcoholic and fights with my dad a lot. I sometimes have to mediate their fights, which are sometimes over my older brother. If I were to come out, that would probably be the last straw before divorce and I don't want to have to pick which house to go to every year for christmas. I have so many great friends too who have no idea about my orientation, even my gay brother doesn't have a clue. If I were to come out to them, they would most likely accept it, but there would still be an awkward barrier between us. They would always feel uncomfortable around me. Not only am I confused, I am worried. I worry every day about my future. I just think how easy I can make my life if I were to just marry straight and meet the woman of my dreams and hopefully end up being straight, but I know that's not true. I can never change no matter how much I want to. Tonight, for the first time in my life, I though about suicide which really scares me. I am known for being jolly and fun, but I just don't think people always know the full story. I just worry that the mask will only fit for so long. I feel like if I come out, things will only get worse, but if I don't I will end up a pitiful and lonely person. Thanks for reading, and I didn't mean to be so depressing and all over the place. There is just a lot on my mind lately and I though tonight is as good as any so I created a profile to talk.
would there be anyone who would have a problem with you coming out? did you parents have a problem with your brother coming out? dont put too much pressure on yourself, I think that the main problem is you're still coping with is the fighting thats going on between your parents, I dont think our situation is similar but I use to stop the fights between my own parents, sometimes it was quite embarrassing because Id have friends over also. If there's anything Ive learnt, its to try and live your own life, whatevers happened between your parents should be between them, and sadly it affects their kids too i.e you and your siblings. I was probably 11 when I wished my parents would just split, I was sick and tired of always having to cuddle my crying sister to sleep. I just think that sometimes relationships have run its course and its better to see the people you care about live separate lives if it meant they were gonna be happy. and you should never feel guilty about the problems they couldnt confront and fix.
When you have these feelings, if they become too severe, there are professional experts who care about you and to whom you can go for help. Also, are you sure that to pass your genes is really completely impossible if you are gay?In a range of 158.3 millions of females in the United States in 2011, there is no woman that wants a child but has no partner to help her raise him? There is no lesbian couple or asexual woman that want a child with a father and so will say yes to you? There is no woman that will have your child and leave it to you and your partner just for money? They don’t exist or if they exist it is impossible to contact them? Are you sure of this, have you checked? Go ask info. Remember that the entire LGBT community is here for you, to support you, and surely you are not the first male gay that want to have kids. Maybe in this moment a girl is thinking about suicide because she has no man to support her in having kids. As i always say, you can find everything on the net, if you search enough. I also want to point out one thing: you say that , since you are gay, if you come out you will never have kids and your parents will be devastated, but you know, if you suicide you will never have kids and your parents will be MORE devastated . Suicide is not a viable option to your problem, it never is to any problem. Finally, you don't have a duty to have kids, and you don't have to pass your genes or make for parents happy to be happy. ---------- Post added 17th Jan 2014 at 06:56 PM ---------- I just made a 2 minute search on google, and i found out that here in italy,in Milan, we have a male gay organization that help male gay guys that want to have kids to contact women . They even have a Facebook page. It took me 2 minutes to find this. Go ask info to the LGBT, go go go go go !!! And if the first time they can't help you, go ask again someone else. YOU MUST NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF KNOWLEDGE.
I did a little more of research, and i found this announcement: "To Whom it May Concern, I am a female seeking a committed gay couple to raise a child with. What better way than to raise a child with two fathers? Most heterosexual men take the gift of fatherhood for granted. I am a 21 year old healthy college educated woman with a BA from the university of California, majored in psychology and a feminist. How can I find a gay couple to co-parent with? Thank you for your time." - See more at: How do I find a gay couple to co-parent with? | Co-Parenting Question | It's Conceivable I' have been searching only for 15 minutes now. Listen, it is not going to be as easy as it would be if you were straight, but there is a difference between hard and impossible. If having a child it is so important to you, if you are ready to commit and work for it, you will find a way. I hope i helped you. I give you an hug.
I sorry to hear that you feel that way about yourself being gay or bi is not a bad thing it's just a part of who you are you can get married and have kids if that's what you want these days being gay is more normal I understand how you feel but you should love yourself all of yourself no matter what!!!!
Exactly, you have to love yourself first. But try also to understand your problem is not impossible to resolve. Here is a 3 step plan: Step 1 : go to cuba or brasil or a poor country. Step 2: find a girl with no money , better if lesbian and/or gay friendly, tell her everything, offer her a better life if she accept to co-parent your child. Step 3: bring her back and have a son together, help her to stay and find a partner of her own. Not easy, but not impossible. Sorry, i'm writing too much i know, i tend to become a little obsessed in some situations.
You have no obligation to try and make your parents happy by being miserable yourself. The fact that your older brother is gay has nothing to do with whether you should be out or not; he has his life to lead and you have yours, and your parents have theirs. One thing you do NOT want to do is to marry someone you have no sexual interest in to reproduce for your parents. There are dozens of ways you can have a family within a gay relationship if both of you want to raise children. And as the others have said, suicide is not a way to solve any of your problems, and will only cause the grief to your parents which you are trying to avoid.
Why don't you talk to your brother? Also you shouldn't put the weight of your parents relationship, or their expectations you think they have, on your shoulders.
