(WATCH OUT, LOONG TEXT POST!) Alright, so It's kinda hard for me to say anything about how 'out' I am or not because I'm currently being homeschooled, and therefore don't have close relationships with anyone but family. I've grown up appearing to be a straight girl. Talked about buys, had a first crush in Kindergarten (first day lol) and a big variety of celeb crushes. However, I know that I like girls, too (if not a little more). I started noticing girls in that way in about.. 4th grade? I liked staring at butts //SHOT Oh well. So, basically, I'm just saying that I know I like girls as well, and I'm deeply hidden inside a worrysome, uncomfortable closet. The only person that knows about this is my sister, and even with that, I don't think she really takes me seriously about it. I'm comfortale that she knows because we can just talk about literally anything and It's okay to. If I still went to public school, I would open up little by little. I would be okay with telling my friends because they wouldn't mind me liking girls. They'd know that I'd still be the same me as I always was because that's how I've always been. Coming out wouldn't be such a problem... ...But I'll never tell my parents. Not that I'm aware of. Maybe I just overthink everything? Plus, I'm a little young and I shouldn't worry about coming out when I haven't experimented yet (but It's a no-brainer to me). My parents are good Christians and they don't like gay people. They swear up and down they aren't homophobic, but I can see how unacceptable they think being gay is. I remember my mom being totally pissed about the Duck Dynasty controversy with the "gays will go to hell" thing. We had a full-on discussion about it, and I stood proud with the LGBT pride. I think my mom was upset with me deep down about it. Also, my dad calls gays "fags", "queers", and anything else offensive he could think of. It makes me uncomfortable. I know that when I grow up, I'll come across a girl that I'd have to most likely brush off because of my parents views. Sorry, I think about the future a lot.. maybe that's my problem. All I'm saying is that I need a little picker-upper. Something that'll try to make me feel more comfortable with who I truly am. I know someday I'll have to come out if I ever get serious with a girl. What if I DO, and when I tell them, they feel disappointed in me? What if they don't want to talk to me anymore? I rely on my parents so much that if I stop talking to them, I basically would go into a depression. I guess I'm just lonely. I should go to bed.
"My parents are good Christians and they don't like gay people." This sentence does not compute. " I know that when I grow up, I'll come across a girl that I'd have to most likely brush off because of my parents views. Sorry, I think about the future a lot.. maybe that's my problem." Don't you EVER apologise for something like that again. You have every right to live as you wish, every other child on the planet gets to think about the future and the person they might be with, why shouldn't you get to just because your parents don't appear to like the idea. Please don't try and set in your mind now that you'll have to brush them off because of your parents views. PLEASE. You cannot live for them. If you have to brush off anything, brush of your parents views on the situation and live happily. I'm not saying cut them off or deliberately make them angry or anything, I'm just saying if you find a girl you like DO NOT let your parents be the reason you didn't go for it. WHEN you tell them, if they are disappointed in you, turn that around. YOU are the one who should be disappointed here, not them. YOU will have done a brave thing, telling two people with a history of disliking people like you who you really are. YOU will have been honest to yourself and others and said you know what, I deserve to be happy. Your actions in this are admirable, if your parents don't like it, THEY are the ones who should be ashamed. THEY will have made you feel bad for being who you are. THEY will have ignored the most basic fundamental principal of their religion (love everyone). THEY will have made your life worse by making you feel less of a person. Why should YOU feel bad for something they did? If they stop talking to you it will suck, but you have to understand it will NOT be YOUR FAULT. If your current schooling and everything has severely limited your opportunities to make a social group, then you may want to hold off on telling them until you've made one, but you DO need to make one. Find people, ANY people who you get along with and will accept you. Find people who can help shield you from the blow.
That's how my parents are too, they are not bad people but just ignorant. This may be your chance to educate them when you come out to them eventually.
Hey there CC! Sorry to sound cliche, but: it gets better! It does! How do I know this? Because I was also homeschooled by "good christian" parents. From age 8 until college. I completely get where you're coming from. I officially came out when I was 25, but most people don't know that I had tried to come out before at 15. I was forced back into the closet by the therapist that my parents sent me to (Focus on the Family sponsored!) and lost ten years when I could have been gaying it up in highschool and college... I was angry at my parents for a long time without even realizing it, because I was so deep in the denial closet that... well... I was angry, but since I was "sure" I wasn't gay there was no reason for me to be angry. When I finally came out (almost a year after coming out to myself), I told all of my college friends first (and my brother) and saved my parents until last. I had a full support network, and knew that I had a place to go if my parents disowned me... They didn't and the rest is history. It was amazing how they were able to set aside their faith when their firstborn son was a "queer". They're still christian, but very tolerant ones and we now get along famously! But again, I was 25. Your profile says you're 14, and your relationship with your parents is guaranteed to be markedly different. Relating to your parents is much easier when they can no longer tell you what to do... But remember: They can NEVER tell you what to think. I agree with Ellia, as I always do, that you should not let your parents hold you back. I know you're homeschooled, but do you have any friends your own age? Are you in a youth group or co-op? Are there any chapters of PFLAG in your area that you could reach out to? You are leaps and bounds ahead of where I was at 14, I was terrified and couldn't accept that I could possibly be gay... But you seem to have it figured out, good for you! You may have to wait a bit before you tell your parents, but don't let it stop you from telling your friends and being yourself. Ultimately, you need to realize that you deserve a chance at happiness just as much as anybody else. Don't live for your parents, live for you, and keep us posted! -The Seeker
Oops XD I meant that they're generally nice people except when it comes to that subject. As for everything else you said, thank you so much for it. You've really helped me build up some confidence about this :'D I'm probably overworrying myself about it, but I felt like I couldn't ever tell my parents, but now I have a better plan for myself. I'll come out to my parents far in the future when I actually DO get a girlfriend so they don't just think I'm "confused". And yes, I'll try to get ahold of more people to talk to. That won't be a problem!♥ @TheSeeker, thanks to you as well. I'm glad that everything worked fine with you and coming out, even with your Christian parents. It gives me a little more hope that my parents will accept me for feeling this way :3 I'll most likely come out around the age you did or whenever I'm out of college and have a girlfriend. I say that because my parents would want "evidence" of me liking girls, even though I'd be the only real evidence! lol Yes, I have friends i can talk to. I'm not completely isolated from talking to others ^-^ I'll try to get into conact with them more often! Thanks everyone for their comments! <33
