So I've made a point of telling family members that I know will be chill with my transition. My mom, my sister, my aunts and uncles, and taken every precautions to make sure the super neo-puritan grandparents don't find out because their reactions, like those that support me, are predictable. Complete disgust. There's one that I don't know how will react though; My Father. I'm the first born child (well, first one to survive) and in the few times he's actually been involved in my life he's made a point of reminding me how important it is that I was his son. :bang: I have the tendency to fade into the stereotypical hyperfeminine moments that's (apparently) associated with MTFTG's, and I'm supposed to visit him soon. I've been trying to figure out how to tell him, but I can't predict what his reaction would be so I'm way more hesitant than I usually am. Advice? -Maya
No, my mind is set. I think I see your point though. Kinda a "if he can't accept me then screw him," way?
Yes and no... More accurately I just want you to keep in mind that whatever he says, it isn't going to change anything as far as your plans in life, so HOW you tell him is less important that what you intend to do once it's done. If you just tell him, Dad, I am trans, if you have questions ask.' (maybe pad it out a little more xD) that's fine. Just focus on what happens after. Just make sure you have a way out is what I'm saying...hope you won't need it, but if you're going to tell someone and you can't predict their reaction you want to be able to leave, because if it goes bad and everything gets angry, you aren't going to want to be there, nor should you have to be.
I don't think there'll be any physical danger, I intend to tell him before I go down to see him. I've pissed him off enough times before this to know that you don't want to be around an angry over-compensating body builder. I think I know how to tell him now, and you're right I just need to find out what happens next. Suppose what I'm actually worried about is whether or not I'll still have a father after I tell him..
Remind him that you still love him, and remind him of the times which he showed affection to you; tell him that nothing has changed and even though to his eyes he may still see you as a son (if that is the only way he could process it) you are still the person you have always been... just more realized.
One of my regrets was not telling my father myself. I told my adoptive mother first (his wife) and she pleaded with me not to tell him and said she would not tell him. Eventually, when my grandmother died, she had to tell him I was now living as a woman and his response was extremely negative. He then spread lies about my transition, telling the rest of the family that it was a joke and I was just winding everyone up. The last time I phoned home, more than five years ago, he was screaming in the background that he was going to find me and beat the s**t out of me. I never bothered to contact him or my adoptive mother again after that; he killed himself in August last year and my adoptive mother blames me for it. Maybe it would have been different if I'd come out to him myself, instead of whatever my adoptive mother told him. I guess I'll never know. So my advice is to do it, so you won't have regrets later.
