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My bisexuality is being made into an open secret?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Cerith23, Jan 20, 2014.

  1. Cerith23

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    I'm out to my parents. And I'm kinda out to the rest of the world... if they ask me. It's not that I hide it or anything, I just don't really talk about feelings or anything like that. I'm not uncomfortable with my sexuality and would be happy - albeit a bit nervous - to talk to anyone about it if they asked me. I also wear a rainbow scarf, comment on the bisexuality posters in my school, have Kate Moennig from the L-word as my wallpaper and join in the gentle teasing of my not-out-but-out gay friend.

    I always assumed that most people - or at least my close friends - knew that I was bi or had guessed/suspected so, at least since the last year where I've been more secure myself in coming to terms with my sexuality (my mum thought I was a lesbian before I came out). Only 1 friend I know knew definitely about my sexual orientation because she had asked me a little while ago (as she was relatively new to 'the group' I'd just assumed she hadn't known me well enough to know) and I confirmed that I was bi.

    However, I've since noticed her whispering to at least one other person about my bisexuality, in a way that implied she was telling a secret to someone else. It made me uncomfortable because 1) I thought everyone knew, and 2) I don't want it being turned into something big when it isn't/a secret when it isn't/something that I appear to be shy/embarrassed/un-open about when it isn't. Basically, I don't want everyone thinking that they know a secret about me and feel as if they have to tread on eggshells around the matter.

    So, here is my dilemma. How do I actually broach this matter? I came out to my parents in the worst possible way (and no, I'm not giving you details) and it feels weird 'coming out' to people I thought I was already out too. I don't want to randomly take control of the conversation during lunch time because that would be awkward and I know I'd freeze up. How do I talk to the girl who is spreading my 'secret'?

    Basically, I don't know what to do. Help?:help:
     
  2. BookDragon

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    When you say you've noticed her whispering about it...how exactly did that happen...I mean how did you find out what she was whispering about>?
     
  3. Cerith23

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    I was in our sixth form common room, doing homework, she was sat across from me with another of my friends. I heard her say my name, listened and realised that she was saying that 'Did you know that {my name} is bisexual?' This wasn't said in a *genuine question way* but more of a gossipy way, if that makes any sense. I don't think she meant it in a snarky way though. When I asked what she was talking about she said 'nothing' and looked away.
     
  4. BookDragon

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    Well, you could confront her about it but realistically if anything is going to set the rumour mill aflame it's the idea that you don't want people discussing it. Perhaps if you hear her do it again, just ask her what she thinks she's doing, confront her while it's going on. It's not like you don't have a right to NOT have it spread around.
     
  5. Cerith23

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    Thanks for the advice :slight_smile: Its not that I don't want people knowing, I honestly don't mind, I just don't want it being made into a rumour because then people will think that its something I'm hiding/that I'm ashamed about (?). I'm just worried that if I wait until I hear her doing it again it will be too late and everyone will know and feel as if they have to pretend that they don't know. (I am making so little sense right now).
     
  6. BookDragon

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    But the people who DO pretend they don't know aren't that much of an issue. It's the ones that think it's something weird that are usually and issue, and since you don't care if anyone knows, if they turn around and make something of it you're just going to say "Yeah...and?"

    I mean even if you DO confront her now, the chances of getting her to admit she was doing it are almost nil.
     
  7. Cerith23

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    I see what you mean. I'm going to try and keep an eye on her so that if I do spot her talking about it again I'll ask her what she's doing. I might also try to quietly broach the topic with a couple of my closer friends, tell them I'm bi (it might just be that I'm imagining they don't know :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:) and see if I can get them to help me talk to her. We'll have to see how it goes :slight_smile:
     
  8. BookDragon

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    Fingers crossed that it goes well :slight_smile:
     
  9. Cerith23

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  10. doglover44

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    Do you want people to know or not ready yet ?