I have been out for a few years now my close friends, but still have been unable to come out to my parents. My family is Jewish but not particularly religious, however they are of Russian origin (which is very conservative when it comes to issues like homosexuality). I am an only child and I know it would devastate my parents knowing that I won't have a "traditional" wedding, and they'll jump to the conclusion that this means they will not have grandchildren (which my dad is especially eager for). Although we have a great relationship I just don't think they'll be able to listen to reason and accept this. On top of all that my grandparents (who are about 90) live with us which makes coming out while I'm still living at home pretty much out of the question. I should be moving out on my own soon though and hope to tell my parents shortly thereafter. However, I am still unsure of the best way to go about this or even if I should do it so soon given the above outlined circumstances. Any advice on this would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
Hey I'm Jewish too! Welcome to EC! Long before I ever entertained the prospect of coming out to anyone, I was having a discussion with two of my friends (one Black, one Indian) about dating outside our culture, and I said half-jokingly that I thought my parents would rather I brought home a Jewish guy than a fire-and-brimstone Christian girl. The more I thought about it, the more I realized there was a lot of truth behind what was initially a joke. Now I have no idea if I'll end up with a Jewish guy, but my identity as a Jew is important enough to me that it will be a large part of my life going forward no matter who I end up sharing it with. So I'll have a wedding with a chuppah and break the glass and all. If I end up marrying a guy, I can adopt grandkids or find a surrogate. All the values and ethics and traditions that we as a Jewish family hold dear would still be there. The only thing different would be the gender of my spouse. When I came out to my parents (last Rosh Hashana, funnily enough) my mom took it really hard for all the reasons you said. But we're an incredibly close family and my sexual orientation does nothing to change the mensch they raised or the love that we share. It took a few months but we weathered the storm and things are good now. And having their love and support means so much and will help if and when the time comes to tell more extended family. I hope some of this helped.
