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convincing father...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Emberstone, Jun 30, 2008.

  1. Emberstone

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    Okay, so its been a few weeks since I came out to my parents, and my dad's first reaction was "ehh, so what, dose it change anything?", but now it seems he dosent belive I am. I think he thinks that because I havent had sex with another man, then I am not, and I am feeling like I am in a rock and a hard place.

    I feel gay, and have my practically my whole life and definitaly was clear to me when i started to hit pubery when i was 11. this wasent a random choice, it wasent even a choice except in so much as coming out and being public about this aspect of who I am. now, I feel like he wants me to prove it, and I am still not fully out to the rest of my family.

    one of the reasons I have been coming out was because I didnt want to feel isolated by who I was. while I was still in the closet, I felt isolated because I couldnt date because above all, I didnt want to go behind my family's back. but at the moment, my dad doubts my sexual orientation, and my parents are the only ones who know. if I have to find someone to form a relationship with, I feel like I am doing it for all the wrong reasons, useing someone to prove myself to my dad, but if i do it before I come out to the rest of my family, I would be going behind their back, which i never wanted to do in the first place.
     
  2. Tim

    Tim
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    Are you sure he doubts it? Or has all he said was does it change anything?

    Cause if that's all he says, he may be referring to it doesn't change who you are.

    If he has indeed said something else, then talk to him, just sit down and talk to him. Not much else I can say without knowing if he has said other things :confused:
     
  3. Austin

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    By saying it does not change anything, I believe he is referring to it not changing his opinion on you. I assume that you knew that, but I will state it in the case you didn't.

    The best thing I could think of is to sit him down and speak to him about what you just said here. It might be the best way and will help him realize that you are gay and he will understand what he is causing you without realizing it.
     
  4. Yeah, I agree. Sit him down and try to explain what you wrote here. Talking about with him could make him see what he's unintentionally doing and might put aside any doubt in his mind that you are indeed gay.
     
  5. beckyg

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    I agree, all you can do is talk to him. Trying to "prove" you are gay is not the thing to do. In time you will find somebody you want to bring home but it shouldn't be rushed just to make a point with your Dad. If I can send you some PFLAG materials, feel free to PM me.
     
  6. Mirko

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    Definitely talk with him. I agree with Becky that you should not rush into a relationship with someone or start looking for a boyfriend just so that you can prove that you are gay. I think you should enter into a relationship with someone when you are ready and feel that the time has come for that. It is possible when you came out to him that he did not digested the news fully and only now started to have some questions of his own. I might be reading too much into it, but it sounds as if he went into denial. I think it would be good if you give him some PFLAG material to read as well.

    Hope this helps!
     
  7. Emberstone

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    I got a appointment with my therapist who was helping me work through my depression issues years ago, mainly because I had a 2 minute arguement with my mother about none coming out related things, so I am planning to talk to her about it too, and see if she has any tips on how to talk with him. My dad can be a bit stubborn, which is also a problem, because I got that trait from him, and two stubborn people clash easier, so I always have to deal with these things carefully anyways.

    I don't think it will be a shock to her I am gay, the question came up a few times over the years, and my responce was like "I really dont know, if I meet someone I care about, they will be who they will be", mainly because I was still working towards if I was ready to come out as gay at the time, and I was still at the point where I was self conciouse about how people will see me now.

    this website has been a wonderful help through my coming out so far, but I am still working my way through the quagmire of emotional obstacles. my dad being so accepting at first, but changing his view is putting up a big roadblock.

    and I agree, proving my sexuality by finding someone quick is not a option. its not fair to me, or to whoever gets roped into doing it. would rather be sure someone is a person i could see myself with rather then rush into it to prove my point.