Some of you have seen me in this forum before, and may know my age. However, I'd rather not give it in this post, as I am wondering what age you think is an acceptable age to come out 1a) to family who will be accepting 1b) to family that won't 2a) to friends you know will be accepting 2b) to friends you know won't 3) to the rest of the world. I'm not necessarily planning to come out at all anytime soon, and if I do, it'll just be to a close friend. What say you?
First off, I'd just like to say that your "Out Status" is absolutely fantastic. Great movie. Anyway, personally, I struggled with the same thing you are. Of course, I've been gay all my life. I can recall instances since I was very young (like first grade) where I felt different. I started to realize that I was gay around sixth grade when I started crushing on several guys throughout the year paying no attention to girls. I could've just come out then, and I'd be fine. I just recently began coming out and becoming an official player for "the other team". I'm 17 now. So take my advice with a grain of salt because I just got over the fear of being too young. In relation to your question, there is no definite age that it starts becoming acceptable to come out. It's all based on how comfortable you are with your sexuality. For each group these are my suggestions: 1a) If you know they will be accepting, as soon as you start to think you are gay, it's best to talk to them. The best thing about coming out to (accepting) family is that they will love you unconditionally. You can come out to them as questioning and make your decision whenever you are ready. 1b) Be positive you are gay. Come out to other people first and work through your own feelings. Have a strong support before you take this step. 2a) Coming out to a close friend, IMO, is easiest. (That's how I did it) You can casually talk to them about it. They have your back at school and everywhere else. Whenever your family isn't there, your friends are. Again, if you start questioning, it's best to have someone to talk about it with. 2b) People, especially kids, are mean. "Rumors" can spread like a wildfire. Like family who will not be accepting, be sure that you are comfortable with who you are and have a group of supportive people in your life. Plus, if they aren't accepting, they aren't your friends. Friends love you unconditionally. 3) This is tricky. Do you mean like a post on Facebook? Or answering that you are gay when someone asks? Once you come out to your friends and family, the rest of the world is easy. I'd say that when you are fully out to everyone in your inner circle, that is the perfect age to come out to everyone else. I don't know about anyone else, but personally, I feel that once you are out to the people that matter, you don't need a formal statement proclaiming your gayness. Flirting openly with that beautiful girl across the room will be evidence enough. You just live your life and be ready to tell people when they ask. I am going to sound like a broken record, but it is all based on how comfortable you are with yourself. I'm sorry that I couldn't give you exact ages, but it's extremely arbitrary. Having people, whether it be friends or family, to help you through this time of exploring your sexuality is important. Hopefully my rambling came of some help to you! I wish you the best of luck with your journey! I can try to answer any other questions to the best of my ability.
1a) to family who will be accepting Whenever you are comfortable doing so. As long as you know who you are, go for it. Some people like to tell their family when they are questioning...personally I didn't trust my family to do so even though I was sure they would be accepting. I still don't and am certain I was right not to. 1b) to family that won't Depends who it is, and how bad they will react. If we are talking grandparent we see every couple of months...pfff who cares, tell her whenever, it doesn't really impact us a whole hell of a lot. If we are talking mum and dad who just won't like it and take it badly, perhaps leave it until you are certain and feel confident enough to back yourself up. If we are talking family who will try and 'fix' you or throw you out...then we wait until we are waaaaay they hell out of there or at least have a good and easily executable plan for it. 2a) to friends you know will be accepting Again, when you are comfortable. I told my friends before anybody else. I tell my friends EVERYTHING before anybody else. 2b) to friends you know won't If they won't accept us, why are we friends? I know it's difficult to think that you're going to lose a bunch of friends, but having experienced having no friends for most of my life I can say I personally would take having no friends over a bunch of people who think I'm a dick! 3) to the rest of the world. When and IF you feel like you need to. The world doesn't need or deserve to know. I've not told 'the world' my orientation, and the only way they will find out is if they ask or if I get a partner.
Hi, What if the issue was not you being gay but rather "you dislike racism" or "you are pro-life". Both are positions that can give you problems based on the audience. In the end it is NOT ABOUT THE AUDIENCE! It is about YOU and your confidence in your own thoughts and who you are. Fear can always rule and will unless people STAND UP and fight for what they know to be morally correct.
Thank you all so much. I guess in the end, it's all about what's in our head, and not what's in anybody else's, eh? And ilovemylife, that out status is the other reason i'm hesitant to come out - it makes me smile every time I read it. Thanks for commenting
I think you need to come out when you feel that you're ready to. Which is obviously way more confusing than it sounds - easier said than done for sure. But do you feel ready? Do you want to be out? Do you want to say you THINK you might be LGBT? You don't have to make a declaration; you are allowed to say, "I've been having feelings for girls. I think I might be a lesbian, to be honest." (Or whatever you might be.)
I guess I just have a lot on my mind right now, and while this is (sadly) not the biggest of my problems, I can't completely talk out the other things, because most of them are linked back to this in ways I don't completely understand. So I want to tell my friend that I'm not straight, and I'm not even sure if I like guys anymore/ever did like guys. it's partially because I feel so, so alone in keeping it to myself, and partially because I just need to talk out the other stuff and this is a gateway. I'm not sure whether or not I am ready to be out, but similarly, i don't know if I can continue to be in for all that much longer.
That is completely understandable. When I was a young girl, I knew. I was afraid and confused, but I knew that I was different, that I liked girls and not guys. Was I ready to come out? Was I afraid to accept those feelings? Absolutely not, and absolutely yes. So I understand. If you want to come out, then now may very well be the time. If you don't think you're ready, or are uncertain, then it's entirely up to you whether to come out to your family and friends. Do you want to? Is there a major part of you that really, really wants to or can't take keeping these thoughts and feelings inside? Then come out to one person. If you want to - if you feel ready. If you want to come out to a single friend you trust, then listen to your heart.
I came out to my friend today. It was absolutely terrifying. I was shaking; tremoring for some reason I cannot fathom. As it happens she had no idea (this surprised me; I thought she thought I had a crush on her), but she took it really, really well, saying we're all people, and whether we love boys or girls doesn't matter, it's just about who we are as a species. I sat there for about a minute before I managed to actually say the words, but when I said them, it was really, really weird; I felt as if it was all in my head and I hadn't actually said it and my vision became really sketchy like when you get a head rush. Is this a normal thing? Also, the other thing that intrigued me was that as a kinaesthetic person, I was fiddling. But I was running my hand up and down a metal stair handle, and this was so, so weird for me, as I've suffered from OCD (mainly hand-washing) for about two years, and things like this are the most violent triggers to me. But during this conversation, even completely aware of what I was touching, my OCD didn't trigger at all.
Congratulations! I'm proud that you are taking your first steps! I remember that when I came out, I feel like there was this long and awkward pause before I actually said the words. In fact, I tried using motions to tell her because the words just weren't coming out (pun unintended). But I do remember that it felt like I was having the conversation in my head. I had never said the words aloud let alone to someone else. It felt surreal. So you are definitely not alone in that feeling. And that's good that your OCD didn't trigger. It could be that you suffered from OCD because of the feelings you were concealing. Now that you have someone to talk to about it, you no longer "need" your OCD. But I'm not a doctor, so... Congrats again and I wish you the very best with whatever comes next for you!
