For a long time I thought I was bisexual, but now I think I'm probably a lesbian. The problem is I am in a relationship with a really sweet guy and I don't know if I want to break up with him. I'm not sexually attracted to him or any men but we have a good emotional relationship. But I'm also a sentimental sap and have good emotional relationships with all my closest friends- I don't know if my feelings for my boyfriend are there because we're good together or because we are really good friends. I'm afraid I will get married some day then realized that I'm gay. But I'm also afraid that I will break up with my boyfriend and I won't be able to find someone who can compare to him.
Ack I'm going through this right now, feelings are so confusing. Tell me how it goes though cause it might help me.
"Trust me you'll know before the wedding day if you're gay and not bisexual" Soooooo many people don't. Especially if the emotional attachment is strong and her doubt is just coming from less physical attraction...
Lots of people are LGBT and end up hetero-married due to denial or hoping they can change. That was the past. Many modern societies are turning a corner and ths DOESN'T need to happen anymore. People will make this mistake though as apes are social animals and avoid their perceptions around rejection or oppression. Don't drag others into your fears or your denial.
You have an amazing relationship with your boyfriend and just as great one with your friends. Do you feel like you are missing out or that you are depriving him? Do you feel like you could make both of your lives happier if you were not in a relationship together? Is it just the fear of not being able to find someone else that is holding you back? If you are feeling like you are missing out or that your life isn't quite as fulfilled by this person I don't think you would marry ( while the relationship is great and all is fantastic, it's still not quite as fulfilling as you hoped - when it is, that's when you marry someone. ) . Although I admit it's probably impossible to determine whether you do love them or if the love you feel for them sufficient. But I'd say if you're having doubts now, you're probably keep going to have doubts until you change something in your lifestyle.
"Marry the one who loves you, not the one you love." Give that advice to whoever you want to marry and follow it yourself. Think about it.
One thing I've learnt recently is who cares? If you decide later on you like guys or girls then you do! It shouldnt worry you anymore than if you married a guy and decided you liked another guy. Try not to let the complication of this revolve around sexuality. I know this is easier said than done and ive been through it and still am but I think acceptance in who you are can truly make everything else easier xx
This is so rough and I have been going through it as well. Maybe still am. It's really hard to know for sure, especially if it's almost completely emotional and the sexual attraction isn't really there. Personally, I did a lot of comparing. For example, I compared him to my past boyfriends, who were al l much more like friendships, I believe. What I have with mine feels a lot stronger. I then compared past boyfriends to my best friend. Like, if I had to choose just one, at the time of dating them, could I? Answer was easily my best friend, I cared about her more, to be straight forward. Then, comparing my current boyfriend to my best friend, I can't choose. And I think because my feelings for them are just totally different. It's romance versus friendship. Sorry, that was a long thing that sounded all about me, but my point is, I'm dealing with this, and I think you just need to try your best to do what you can to really figure out if it's romantic love or friendship love. Also, even if it is romantic, you need to talk to him about this. It's not fair to him if you have no sexual attraction and he assumes you do, and also you should never have to fake enjoying anything physical. Once you figure things out a little, if you can, talk to him. Figure out how he feels about, where you two can go from here, etc. (For example, me and my boyfriend are currently testing my attraction to him a bit. He knows I prefer girls and I don't just look at him and find him attractive, but I think I enjoy having a physical relationship, just not as much as he does. So for us personally, we have a rule of only I can initiate kissing and anything past it. If I don't want it, it doesn't happen. And if I seem too uninterested in doing that, there may be a problem and we need to re-evaluate the relationship.) So, suggestion is figure out your feelings best you can, and try your best to bring it up to your boyfriend and figure out where you can go from here with you both feeling comfortable in the relationship, happy, and as if it could still have a future.
I think the bigger issue is that you're not attracted to your boyfriend, not figuring out if you're gay or bi. You've already accepted that you're at least not straight, and as far as I'm concerned that's by far the most difficult thing. The labels don't really matter. I completely agree with this. You're in a difficult situation, but so is your boyfriend, even if he doesn't know it yet. You obviously care a great deal for him so I think you owe it to him to be honest about how you've been feeling and talk about it. I think it would be pretty painful for him to spend potentially years in a long-term relationship only to find out later that there was never any attraction. Who knows, maybe getting everything out in the open will change the way you feel. Maybe you'll find a way to make your relationship work, or maybe you'll shift to a different type of relationship. It's not fair to either of you if you "settle" for him.
You could just tell him that you are questioning again, if hw knows you're bi. That way hw knows where you stand and you two can make a decision together whether or not to end the relationship at this moment. I don't know if that would work but I definitially agree with I'm just me that you need to talk to him. Hopefully that helps!
I dated a guy that I loved from 18 to 21. He was such a sweetie and we connected on every level....except sexually. I didn't sleep with him and when I decided to try....it didnt go well. I couldnt get turned on. There are several types of love. Agape, philia, eros....general love, family love and romantic love. If you have romantic love, they will include passion and the desire to be with that person physically. They say when you LOVE someone like that...no matter what you will desire to be with that person in that way. I loved my friend, but it was more like a brother. I cared deeply for him and had an emotional attachment, but I had no desire to be with him physically. And that was where I made hte mistake. IT may not be about gender, but if you want the person that way. I love my best female friend, but I have NO desire to sleep with her. None...it'd be just wrong. Analyze the type of love you have for him. Is is friendship, or you do have hte desire to be with him in everyway. With your body, your mind. Do you want to have his children? Just my opinion.
