so I came out to my mom last night, I had come out to my older brother two years ago and to my dad and younger brother a couple of weeks ago! all of those went really well, I went into it scared but they all turned out to be really supportive and accepting. But dllast night I came out to my mum and it didn't go well :-( I started crying while telling her hey like i always seem to do. But instead of being supportive she told me to "man up stop being such a little cry baby, just because your gay doesn't mean you have to act like a f@g" i kinda pulled my self together (for a couple mins anyway) listened to get call me a few other awful things. Then I left and went to my room. I completely lost It. My mom hasn't spoken to me since. .. life she actively avoids me and went even look at me. I feel so list and dont know what to do.
I'm so, so sorry that coming out to your mom turned into such a painful experience. I can completely empathize with parents who may feel disappointed, scared, or confused when their kid comes out, but if my parents ever spoke to me like that in such a vulnerable position I don't think I could ever forgive them. Fortunately I don't think there's any chance of that happening. It's probably not a huge consolation right now, but at the very least you got it over with and you know that the rest of your family is loving and accepting which I hope provides some comfort. It may not have turned out exactly how you envisioned it, but you've accomplished one of the more difficult tasks you'll ever have to face and now have the freedom to truly be yourself and life your life in a way that allows you to be happiest.
I'm so sorry! No one should have to go through that. My suggestion is to try to give your mom a little time to process the information. (Although, I suspect she already knew about your conversation with your dad--partners tend to be lousy secret-keepers around stuff like this.) If your dad is as accepting as you say, you might want to tell him what you're feeling, and maybe he can intervene. In any case, you shouldn't feel a moment's shame or embarrassment about crying. This is a big deal for you, full of fear and emotion. And news... Boys do cry, and that's OK.
So I guess life can really suck sometimes :-( Congrats on coming out though on your own terms and it's great that your dad and your brothers are supportive! Hopefully, your mom will eventually come around although what she did was inexcusable. Maybe you could consider talking to your mom sometime with your dad and/or your brothers with you in the room.
Sorry to hear that it went so bad with your mom. Congrats on having the courage to tell your whole family - wow! That is no easy task, my friend. Hopefully things will go better once your mom has had time to process the news. It must have been quite a shock for her. It's sad that she hurt you in the process though. Strongs!
Incredibly sorry to hear that it didn't go desirably. Unfortunately, even if you had put off telling her until later, her reaction would most likely be the same. Maybe she'll feel better with time - some parents need a bit of time to think about it, and will just act rashly in the heat of the moment. If she doesn't get more comfortable with it in the future though, so be it. Yes, that sucks, but you are who you are, and if she can't love you unconditionally, then you're better off not dealing with her negativity. Mbanema makes a fantastic point. You have the freedom to be yourself and be happy now. <3 You have our love and support! (*hug*) Keep us updated on your feelings and recent happenings.
thanks everyone! it's nice to feel supported. I actually have talked to my dad about it, but I don't know what that will do. I haven't really left my room much since, but my brothers told me that mom and dad have been fighting a lot. Mostly about how she's treating me and that dad has been sleeping in thr guest room :-( I just feel awful my mom hates me and its because of me my parents are fighting. I should have just kept my mouth shut.
I am so sorry to hear of your experience. Coming out is a really difficult decision and one that needs the support of family to cope with. Sometimes it may just be the shock for your family and in time your mother will come to understand as mother has over the past 5 years. I lost a few close friends when I came out and even today it still hurts. But I also gained a lot more through this experience. I have been fortunate enough to recently publish my debut book explaining the challenges I faced before, during and after coming out. You may find comfort in reading about my similar experiences. The book is called, "Denial Deceit Discovery" - check out some time. Good luck and I hope things work out with your mum. Just give her time to adjust
I am sorry to hear that your mother acted so shamefully rather than supporting you at a stressful moment like she should have. She obviously has "issues" which have nothing to do with you or your sexual orientation, which is a fact not of your making or choice. Since your father and brother seem to be supportive, let your dad deal with her and her problems; it is not your responsibility to "make her happy", only to be honest and open with her, which you have been. As to her comment about your masculinity, most men cry at emotional moments if they are not sociopaths numbed to any feelings at all. You weren't "acting like a fag", because there is no single way "fags" act, any more than there is a stereotypical way "straights" act. That was a callous and trashy way to treat you; I applaud you for not returning her attitude with an "I'm here, I'm queer, get used to it, bitch" sort of reply, which I doubt she would have been satisfied with either, as a belligerent "manly" response to her acting like a jackass and insulting you. There is no "right" way to respond to a parent who disrespects you, because the fault is on their shoulders, not yours. You have done the right thing by leaving her alone to deal with her own problems, and being honest about yourself; don't ever doubt that. Turn to your friends and relatives who DO support you, and let her stew in her own gravy of misery which she has brought upon herself. Maybe she will resolve her problems and figure out how a real mother should act some day, but it is not a burden which is your responsibility to take on.
Your mom doesn't hate you. When anyone processes a loss (in this case, loss of her perception that you're straight) there are five stages: denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance. They aren't always sequential, but those elements are almost always there. Some people stay longer in one than another. So in your case, the anger is the first stage after denying the truth, and her lashing out is classic and typical of that. Doesn't make it any easier to take, or make it right, but maybe it does provide some insight into why she's behaving that way. I'm near certain that once she has some time to sit with it, she'll come around. Whether that's in a couple days or a month or more, no one can tell, but it's unfortunately something you just have to give her time to work through.
No one's fighting because of you. They are fighting because of your Mum treating you wrongly. Don't let yourself be a scapegoat for your Mum's bad attitude. She controls that, not you. She has a lot more ability to change that than you do your own orientation. Good luck to you, I hope she realises how much hurt she's causing and changes her attitude. But in the meantime as others have said, let her stew and surround yourself with the kind and accepting people in your life.
I'm so sorry you had to experience that, its good that your dad and brothers are so supportive but do give your mom time to deal with it and hopefully she will come along in her own time. A lot of people who fire off or get mad when you tell them become your fiercest supporters over time and we all need a few of those on our side every once in a while. Best of luck with everything though, I really hope everything works out for you.
I am so sorry that you had to go through that, at least your dad and brothers were fine with it (as they should be). Talk to them and see what they say. Eventually she will have to accept it, I mean there is nothing she or you can do to change it. Everything will be okay in the end, I hope everything goes okay with you over the coming weeks man, hang in there!
