Yesterday i came out to a good friend of mine. It's been over a year i'm dealing with this but i only decided to start coming out to more people now cause i just had my first experience with a girl (and it was awesome). I felt like i had to do it cause she wanted me to introduce me to so many guys that i started feeling uncomfortable. I didn't think she would take it this way, but she started trying to convince me that i'm still straight and my thing with a girl was just one thing, and it's a moment that will pass. She said i should try to re-think of it when it's still time, specially if i wanna have a family later on. I live in a very catholic town so it's not that easy here, but of course i prefer to deal with prejudice and be happy than marrying a man and be unhappy for the rest of my life. She thinks that a lot of people who have same sex experiences were influenced by others and that the same happened to me... but i'm the only one who can know how much better it is to be with a girl than with a guy. I know that not everyone will accept it that well, but it's just the first time it doesn't go well, after 8 good coming outs. do you guys think she's gonna accept it better after some time? i don't want her to try to convince me i'm straight every time i talk to her.
This was a difficult thing for you to say to her to start with, and I can see that it makes it even more difficult for you when she reacted the way she did. You've worked on telling people this for so long and it's such a central part of who you are. To confide in someone then have them tell you you don't know what you're talking about must be very hard to swallow. Personally I would point out how much courage it's taken you to be comfortable within yourself and building up to telling people, and that she's literally throwing your authenticity back in your face by telling you it's a load of rubbish. She needs to know how the way she is behaving towards you is making you feel, then maybe she will see things differently. Do you have any mutual friends who could have a gentle word with her and snap her out of it? That might be worth a try. Good luck anyway!
Thank you slimred. Unfortunately we just have 1 mutual friend, but he's not that close and i'm not planning to tell him yet. well we do know most of each other friends, but if one of my friends went to talk to her would be kinda pointless. 3 days later, i still feel hurt by the way she acted and she didn't apologize for it yet. I wanna tell her that i didn't like the way she acted but i'm afraid she's gonna keep trying to convince me. so right now i pretty much feel like avoiding her. What do you guys think i should do? should i talk to her and maybe put myself in the same desperating situation again or just avoid her and wait until she realizes i'm not all fine to re think of what happened?
It sounds like she thinks you think you're gay because of that experience with a girl. You should explain that you're a lesbian because of your sexual attraction, which appeared well before this experience.
Hey Natalia, First of all - congratulations! You've achieved something that requires a huge amount of courage and bravery. Unfortunately we are not yet in a world where people are able to take matters of sexuality as they appear- it might take some time for your friend to understand that this isn't a phase. Perhaps you guys could spend some together, just the two of you, really working through things. Maybe she has some questions and that might help her to better understand who you are. It's rubbish that she's unable to see this as permanent, but if you explain the lengths of your attraction and where you feel you are- a true friend will wholeheartedly support and accept you for you. If at any point she shows some sort of difficulty in accepting this information you may need to explain to her how important it is to you that she recognises that. It can destroy friendships if it isn't met with support and understanding. All the best to you and congratulations once again. Holly x
You should explain her,that you felt it since long before being with the girl... That you werent influenced, that one day you just felt interest toward women, and that you never have liked guys, at all.
Personally, I never think that holding back and letting knowledge dawn on other people is a good idea. Mostly because it never works - people always seem so resistant to realise things are not ok.
Thank you all guys for the support (*hug*) i really appreciate it. On the day i came out to her i spent more than 2 hours trying to convince her it wasn't just because of one girl. i told her about a girl i had a crush on one year and a half ago, who was the one who made me start thinking about it. i'm 23 now so i've had some relationships with guys before. i told her that the last time i was going out with a guy about a year ago i started to be sure i'd rather be with a girl than with a guy, and she just kept trying to convince me i liked him, which i never did. in the end whatever she said just sounded nonsense to me and it was clear she is not ok with homosexuality at all. She hasn't talked to me yet. Just on whatsapp in another group conversation, but nothing related to that. i don't think she's accepted it yet. So what if i write her a long message saying that i'm hurt and it's important for me that she accepts it and nothing she says is gonna change who i am or the way i feel about it. ??
People like that aren't worth your time in my opinion. She is a bigot and uneducated as hell. I apologize for dissing your friend though.
So i told her yesterday i was hurt by her attitude, and said in my opinion her words meant she was against gay marriage. she got really mad by the fact i said she has some prejudice (she thinks she doesn't have any). so i said i was sorry for missunderstanding her words cause i saw it was pointless to argue. and she said i should only be careful not to do anything under the influence of other people. (she pretty much thinks i went gay cause another friend she doesn't like influenced me to do so) I honestly think that this friendship is hopeless concerning that. any other points of view?
There's none so blind as those who will not see. It sounds like she's pulled the beanie down over her eyes and is shouting "LA LA LA LA LA!" over what you've told her. For whatever reason, she doesn't want to accept it. My initial opinion would have been give her some time to process it, but it sounds like she's got her mind made up. And frankly, she sounds just the wrong side of patronizing to me. The fact that she thinks you've let yourself be led to water by someone else is kind of telling. She advises you not to let someone else influence you into picking a sexual orientation, all the while she herself is trying to influence you into picking a sexual orientation. I suspect the irony is lost on her.
this is very true Mr scratch. It's sad that i carefully picked her as one of the few people to come out to and that's her reaction. At least coming out is making some other friendships stronger than ever
