I almost feel bad making this thread - reading some of the stories on here, i know people have it so much worse than me. (I admire you guys so much for being strong enough to be honest and open with people, seriously...). If i came out, i know my parents would accept me. My brother (especially) and sister probably not so much, and id definitely lose most of my friends but other than that i live in an ok place and wouldnt have too hard a time. Anyway, i want to come out so bad, but the thought of saying those words kinda paralyses me. Like, every time i think about it i get anxious and stressed out so badly - I dont like being the centre of attention as it is, let alone for coming out. Maybe theres a way for people to know about me without actually saying it? like, if i started to dress differently, acted a bit differently, amongst other things - I've always kind of tried to be as 'straight as possible' - it would become just an unspoken thing and people could just gradually get used to it, rather than me just blurting it out. I know it would take longer but yeah i just cant come out (no pun intended) and say it :icon_sad: i know there'd be people that would ask, but i think id find that easier than doing it myself. Probably sounds silly but yeah...thoughts?
Tell them. Don't keep them guessing. Before I came out, my mother and brothers kept introducing me to girls which was another problem. My relatives kept asking if I'm dating multiple women. Who's my new girl? Who was the girl they saw with me in the mall? Those questions. I had to come out since it was getting bothersome.
Well unless you've been hiding it all this time, it probably isn't good to change your behavior or such as it'll give a false impression. Similar to you, I don't really like the words, especially a certain one, so I don't plan on 'coming out' in the usual sense. I know you said you are itching to now but since you also seem to be willing for it to happen over time, have you thought of or been talking to anyone online, like in a possible dating or just interest sense? I ask because if you are, it may make it a little easier if you want others to pick up on it. Personally, I'd rather just find a potential bf at some point in the future and let everyone just pick up on it on their own. That way, it won't feel so...lonely when they do get it.
God those questions right? Every time i see my grandma she asks me about six or seven times 'have you got a nice girl yet?' (Dementia and all) and i give the same answer every time haha. Yeah, thats kinda the problem. Its like, i feel like I'm ready to do that stuff, I'm kinda excited about it actually (dating and whatnot), but it can only go so far - especially with my situation at the moment. I kinda live between where i am now - a small town where Noone knows - and interstate where i go to uni in the city and feel so much more comfortable being myself. Every time im around my family and friends it feels kind of like im going backwards. Like, i know i cant keep everything seperate forever, thats what worries me a bit, i just want to avoid that whole awkward thing. Sorry if this seems like a copout to any of you who are out by the way, i really didnt mean it like that at all (*hug*)
I had the same sensation you describe everytime I returned to my parents house at the small town where I grew up. I eventually realised that my relationship was with my parents got so much worse, but that, in the end, it was my fault. With me not telling them, they didn't really know what was going on, and I was not giving them the chance of changing it if they wanted. So yeah I was tired of living a double life and realised thatI had to come out (or losing the raltionship with my family anyway). I started saying it to myself (actually saying it not thinking it), and dumb as it may sound, it helped a lot. I sincerely recomend you to do something similar, maybe I am wrong, but I think saying it helps you to accept it and ultimately, to be happy. If you don't want to say it anyway, you can always go with "I don't find women attractive" and that will prebably lead to them asking you directly. But as I said before... It may be better to say it to yourself and then to the world... I mean you have endured quite a lot of time not being out, you are a freaking tough guy1 I am sure you have the courage to admit and just need to be aware of it yourself! I don't think you should change how you dress, behave, or whatever... unless you think that how you are now is the result of you not accepting yourself. But again everything would be fine as long as you are doing what you really want to do.
I came across this today and thought it applied to what you are feeling. You will be free to come out of your "prison" when you are able to conquer this fear and not care what other people think. The timing is up to you, and only you.
Nicholas, I assume that 1991 is your birth year? If so, you're an adult, you have a good relationship with your parents, a support system at school, and you sound comfortable with who you are. Kudos for all those things! Says you're a fine young man in my book. So I agree with Yossarian, so long as you're confident about your family's reaction. He'll, they may already suspect the truth, and could be getting very impatient waiting for you go get this over with...
Aw thanks stillaround, that kinda cheered me up a bit i guess i know i have to just get it over with. I wish i could just do it and forget about it (and not have to do it more than once) - i know my mum will make a huge deal and fuss like theres no tomorrow. I dont want people to be rude to me, but...i dont want people to treat me differently either, or think im more 'fragile' if that makes sense
if you really tonguetwisted to say something, maybe you can write to them and say it's something hard for you to talk about and if you still feel unprepared for writing, try reading and writing more often at EC. this is what helped me taking my first steps into coming out.
