:bang:Hi guys, I once had a previous post regarding confusion whether I am gay or not (even though I knew I was lol) but I was just looking for some advice. I've now come to a place where I realize I am gay and content with it myself. The problem is is that I am having trouble telling others especially my close friends and family. I have a select group of closknit gay and lesbian friends and I never felt so accepted in my life before. Recently, I have met a guy who is in a relationship but is so open about his sexuality and have been thinking about him constantly--It's been several months. I do like him, but would never do anything to break his relationship or anything; it's just that he was one of the first people whom I have met who has been so open with being gay right off the bat. He seemed to have push me more out of the closet--even though he doesnt know it lol. I never had experience with men really but recently made-out with someone and enjoyed it! I am 100% positive I am gay and have been battling this for years upon years. I have a brother and a sister whom I am afraid to tell because they make jokes about gay people and say the word faggot all the time. EVERYDAY! My mother and father hate gays and my father is a right winged conservative white male. My mother not only calls gay men faggots, but gags when ever she sees gay men and women in public show affection, whether it be kissing on television as well. I am just so lost as I've been asked by my mom several times if I am gay and have always denied it. Recently on 10/27/13 my mother was badgering me about getting a girlfriend while in the car with my sister. I finally had enough of it and asked if we could not talk about it now and my sister and she were shocked and confused. My mother remarked that "you have to come out the closet sometime!!" angrily, and my sister kept saying "OMG OMG OMG" As we got home I ran up to my room and once I was forced to come down we kind of pretended like it never happened. The next week was rather odd in that my mom kept asking me what was wrong but never put the pieces together that I was upset from what happened in the car ride--or at least this is what I think. I'm not entirely sure. More recently, I have been upset and confused and lack appetite, normal vitality I usually have on a daily basis, and lack drive for completing schoolwork or anything for that matter. Do you think it is worth coming out to my mother or any of my family members? I don't even want to hook with or fool around with anyone suspiciously because I am not the kind of person who goes behind my parents back. I want to be able to share a relationship with my family--not hide it. I dont want to have to date someone in the closet; but that what it seems to be coming to. It's not even that I'm craving sex or anything--there is always porn for that. I just want to spend time with someone I love and be loved by someone else. Am I being selfish? I'm just quite nervous that I'll be kicked out of my house and have no means of support as of now. Additionally, there have been more numerous instances where my mother has belittled and mocked gays as well as the rest of my family. I guess what I'm trying to say is, should I come out or not? and if so how? when ? and do you think they will be supportive? Also, would it be wrong to have a secret relstionship with someone ? I know this post is all over the place but I just had to get what I was feeling down on paper in hopes for comments from other people who are, or who were in my position. Why does life have to be so tough . Hopefully you guys can give me words of encouragement. THanks, and again sorry for the length.
Hey man, sorry about all you're going through. I know it's one of the toughest of situations because you just HAVE to get this off your chest but you live in a household that you presume would immediately flip shit after you come out. Questions to consider: do you have any other family and close friends that you could lean on if the worst happens and you get kicked out the house and cut off? Do you have any other gay relatives in your family, and if so, how does your family react? And do your parents ever make violent remarks about gays other than just homophobic comments? And do you think your family WILL kick you out and cut you off upon revealing your sexuality?
i'm not sure what to say. my mom knew but never spoke of it after she caught me with a girl and she threatened my life. if there had been someone else willing to care for her i feel sure she would have kicked me out. sounds like you have great support from friends though so you should have somewhere to go. don't let your family's attitude keep you from being true to yourself.
Hey dude, first of all its great that you are at a place where you have accepted yourself and are content with it. If I where you I would maybe try opening up one of your friends who accepted around. They sound like they will definitely be supportive, and if they are gay they will understand what you are going through. Being able to talk about it with someone should make things a little easier. As for the problems with your family, I think you should consider the questions that emberblaze said. And no, wanting to spend time with someone you love does not make you selfish at all.
Thanks for your advice. I appreciate it. I'll take these questions into consideration and debate whether or not its worth the risk. I just hate the roller coaster I'm living. One day I'm happy, one day on the verge of years, but I guess in the end it'll make me a stronger person.
You are a strong person already to be able to live under the stress your family has put you in. I get the sense that from your perspective, you really need to come out right away. Your family are acting like jackasses, but they don't know, or acting like they don't know what is going on with you. If you do come out, they need to change their tune and start acting like parents instead of high school punks. You can deal with the brother and sister by returning tit for tat if they continue to disrespect you after they find out, but you will have to get along with your parents if you continue to live with them in their home. You have not said how old you are, or where you are in school. If you will have to live at your parents home for a long time, then you really need to come out to them and reach an accommodation with them; you don't want to have to spend many years in your current situation. As to them "throwing you out", NYC has laws and people to enforce them requiring parents to treat their kids properly. They might make your life unpleasant, but it is already that, so it would only be a different kind of unpleasant. Then there is PFLAG which is also there to help them understand what is going on with you and how decent parents should respond to a gay child. In summary, I would lean towards your coming out to them unless you feel that there is a specific safety issue for you, because you are already experiencing signs of depression and mood swings that suggest that this situation needs to be dealt with, not endured. You can seek help from your counselors at school, if necessary; they may be able to direct you to specific organizations which can help you and your parents get along better.
I am 21 and soon to graduate college. I think what also makes me more upset, is that I feel I should be on ****** or any other hook up app to gain experience of some sort, but in reality I'm not into that and feel somewhat dirty. But idk that's a different conversation for a different thread. Thanks for your advice. And yes, it's mainly my parents that I'm concerned about
Ah, just take your time. The hookups will be there for a long time. Get really comfortable in your skin. The rest will follow in due course. When I was in college, I ran across a high-school classmate walking across the quad and we stopped to chat for a minute. He was in high-anxiety mode because he was 20 and hadn't had sex yet. I didn't say much, but I walked away thinking to myself, "Dude, chill... That's one of the reasons God gave you your right hand!" I really didn't think "Dude, chill," because it was 1964, after all, but that's the current vernacular for what I was feeling then.
