Not Sure How To Handle This Situation

if she would be 100% supportive she will probably understand your not wanting to talk about somethings. i think its awsome to have someone supportive to talk to, if you decide to.

 

Take two, since my computer flaked out the first time I tried to reply:

I hear you. Despite essentially zero plausible evidence to back up my supposed heterosexuality and plenty to the contrary, I didn't admit to myself that I was gay until last October, and I'm 28. And I still never felt sure I was gay until I came out for the first time last night to a friend and realised how right it felt. From what I experienced, and what I've seen other people say, a solid amount of doubt is pretty normal. I was pretty scared to come out just because it felt so... final. But, as my friend said (when I expressed my concern that "what if I'm wrong? Can I do take-backsies later?"), you can always re-identify later, be it asexual or straight or bi or whatever. It's your life.

As for advice... if you do decide you want to tell your sister, a hike sounds like a decent time to do it, especially if you know she'll be supportive. It gives you lots of time to talk things through and in a relatively quiet setting (I came out in a pub, which was probably a bit less private than I had originally hoped). I repeatedly backed out of my plans to tell my friends, so it helped me to give a heads up before hand that I had something on my mind to discuss; that way, I couldn't duck out of it.

If you're even pretty sure, I personally say go for it; I was sliding further into depression and anxiety over the past few months and I already feel like a huge weight is off my shoulders even talking to one person. The isolation just isn't worth it, and I know that every time I failed to either come out when I had half-heartedly planned, or held my tongue when someone mentioned getting a girlfriend, it felt really, really terrible. And the initial stress of getting the words out is nothing compared to the relief of having someone supportive to talk to. That's my two cents.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

Ugh. Homophobia is the worst. I know that where I grew up, while probably not to the extent of Utah, was fairly religious and homophobic, which probably contributed to repressing the gay thing for me (not something I endorse, but at least understand). I can't give you much advice on the parents, though, as my parents are fairly liberal.

I know for me sharing anything personal typically isn't my style, so that part was a bit of a big deal for me to get over. If you are concerned with the trust thing, you might want to consider at least what the additional consequences might be other than just the loss of trust; like, if your parents do happen to find out, is it a matter of damaged relationships, or would it also screw up your financial and living situation? I'm happy that you are considering this when you are considerably younger than myself, but I also know that there are potential for bigger disadvantages when you're also still establishing independence. Hopefully someone with more experience there could provide better advice than I can.

It sucks to be in that situation, for sure, and having to balance between trusting someone else with the advantage of having support isn't an easy one. But try to stay as positive as you can! And if it doesn't go over in a couple of days, don't get too discouraged, there will be other opportunities, too.

 

She already told you that she knows you are gay. You are already out to her, and she has apparently not told your parents. SO, what you tell her is, "Look, you already told me you know I am attracted to other boys and not girls. You know how homophobic Mom and Dad are. It is important to me that you continue to keep my attraction to yourself for now. Can I trust you to do that?"7

 

Very relatable. Just know you aren't the only one in that boat.

For sure keep us updated if you're comfortable. My fingers are crossed for you.

 

You have already said what you want to do: "I just really want to get it out." But for the fear of an adverse reaction from other people, particularly your parents, you are ready to come out. This is a completely typical and normal response to the hetero-normal environment you are living in, where other people expect you to act differently from the way you have been wired by nature, or at least you think they all do. When you reach the point of overcoming that fear, or remove yourself from the situation which you perceive is threatening to you, you will be free to live your own life as it should be.

Trying to "prove" what is not true, is only going to make it more difficult for you to eventually set yourself free from the straight act role you are playing for your parents and peers, and is ultimately damaging to you. Please only do this if your physical safety or well-being are at stake and you need to do it to survive to independent adulthood.

Also, please do report back how the situation evolves. Talking about it not only helps you, but also others in similar situations trying to figure out what to do.

 

Hey,

First of all- there's nothing to stop you from discussing your uncertainty with things with your sister. Sexuality isn't always linear and if you fear that you might not be sure about things why not tell her that? Coming out doesn't always have to be about certainty. Sometimes struggling to talk to anyone can be almost as damaging as living in the closet altogether.

She's your sister, she will love you regardless of who you are and what you represent. Talk to her on this trip you are going on. Let her know that it's something you feel is a possibility but it's something you're unclear on right now. She'll be there to support you and talk you through things.

You do not have to be part of a tick box culture, you can be whoever you want to be and allow for a little bit of uncertainty whilst you work out who you are.

My sisters have always be so incredibly supportive- even as young as they were when I came out. It's about having conversations. You do not have to tell people you are one way or another but if you want to really, as you put, 'get it out' then make sure it's a conversation you guys have and feel as though you can talk about again.

Being uncertain about who you are is never, ever going to be a problem. Always find someone you trust to talk it out with and know that your family will love you regardless and if they struggle at any stage- talk, talk, talk.

Holly x

 

Awesome! Glad to hear it went well!