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Scared to come out to more friends, even though they accept gay people.Advice?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Man1112, Jan 31, 2014.

  1. Man1112

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    (sorry if this is long)
    I discovered I was gay in 7th grade . It took me 7 years to realize I wanted to come out (After a long battle with myself) . Now, I'm in college, 21. I accept that I'm gay, and I love the person that I am, and I like being gay .I came out to my 5 closest friends already. They were all perfectly ok with it and it made us closer.

    Now my plan is to come out to more people including my family , and some friends. I know that most of them will be ok with it too. But every time I start planning on how to tell them I feel bad with myself. I don't why . I know they will be ok with it, but the whole process of coming out is exhausting, and I don't know how to start the conversation.

    It was easier with my first 5 friends because their the closest to me, but I usually don't talk about "serious" "emotional" issues with the people I'm planning to come out to next. So I don't know how to go about doing this. And yes I'm sure I want to tell them because I want to change my situation of keeping it a secret, and I want to start dating.

    When I'm in that moment when I'm supposed to come out, the words just don't come out (It happened even with my close friends). I know it's kind of coward-ish but that's why I came here. Any advice on how to start the conversation ? or in general just anything that could help?
    Thank you very much :slight_smile:
     
  2. sandshoes

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    I'm feeling sort of the same thing. I have told some friends but it kinda scares me to tell my parents even though they are very supportive etc. I don't really know what I'm scared of, maybe that it will be awkward for a while? Or maybe that they will make a super big deal out of it even though I don't think having a different sexuality is a big deal.

    I don't really have any advice for you since I'm wondering the same thing. I'm thinking of either wait until I get a girlfriend and then be like "Hey, meet my girlfriend!" or I'll try to slip it into a fitting conversation about something.
     
  3. StillAround

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    Do you think your parents will be accepting? If not, are you dependent on them for physical support, or still living at home?

    If you're no longer at home, there's no reason not to start dating before you come out to your parents. If you're living at home, it's a tougher situation. If you think they'll be accepting, but you just can't bring yourself to say it to them, try to think about why you're holding back. Do you secretly worry that they won't accept you? Have you not really accepted yourself, even though you say you have?

    If you say, "No , that's not it, it just feels too awkward," or something like that, try writing them a letter. Lots of people do it this way, and there are examples in the Resources section here at EC. You can take your time, make sure you're saying it in just the way you want. Then put it in a drawer for a few days or weeks. Then pull it out and see if it still feels right. When you're sure, send them your letter, or present it in person.

    From what I've read on this site, a lot of accepting parents feel hurt that you couldn't tell them face to face. So if you want to spare them that, you could tell them that you really need to tell them something very important about yourself, but that you didn't trust yourself to use the right words, so you wrote it out first. Then just hand them the letter and stick around.

    Good luck. We're rooting for you!
     
  4. Tracks

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    It's ironic... I've come out to people I don't know a lot easier than I could to people I do know. Good luck with your loved ones, .. I dunno for instance how my father would deal with it... There were no gay folk in the greatest generation.
     
  5. Jwis

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    I don't think this is ironic at all. I found it/find it much easier to tell people I don't know as well. Those that we know are closer to us we have established relationships with them. When you tell someone that you have known for a while something that changes what they thought they knew about you - it's a bigger deal. At least that's how I feel.