Well I posted the other day about being confused about whether I am bi or lesbian. I have realized that I am lesbian. My husband has known all along and has helped me through all of this.. But I just don't think he can help me on this one. I have told a very select few friends but I just don't feel I'm ready to tell everybody... especially my family. People keep telling me if I'm going to do it I just need to jump off the cliff and do it. I think about doing it and then I start panicking and hyperventilating, I'm just not ready. Is it really unhealthy and bad for me to just to take my time and wait? When I really think about it though it seems really unhealthy for me to throw myself out there when I'm having panic attacks over just the thought of doing. I could really need some help here. I just don't know what to do.
" if I'm going to do it I just need to jump off the cliff and do it. " Fuck that noise! If you're not ready, you're not ready, this could (and will) affect a big chunk of your life, it's not like trying a different type of food for goodness sake. Come out when and IF you are ready. People have loads of reasons for coming out, what are yours?
First, take a deep breath... You sound really panicked. You say that your husband has been very supportive through this process you're going through, so I assume he's not pressuring you to leave your closet? If so, you have a terrific support system in place already! Keep talking to your husband, keep reading threads here. (You don't even need to comment--you can just lurk here. Although I've discovered that, in responding to others, I keep learning things about myself. The fog begins to clear, bit by bit.) And find a good gay-friendly therapist. And talk, and talk, and talk. Things can become so much clearer in the light of day. A bottom line for me, though, is that coming out is an intensely personal and individual process. There isn't one right way or time. You set your own pace. I fully accepted myself just 2 weeks ago today, after living with my hidden truth for well over 50 years. I'm out to only 3 people right now--my wife, my therapist, and one acquaintance/friend. The rest will come in time. But it will be my time, my schedule. Hope this helps. I wish you the best. /Ed.
Thanks for such a fast reply.. Hearing that makes me feel so much more at ease. I just kept hearing that if I was actually a lesbian then I wouldn't be scared to tell people... and I just need to see a sex therapist and work this shit out. It's like I finally get figured who I am... then all this confusing crap comes into play. I have to be like the worst lesbian ever. lol I'm not ready to come out yet. I have told a few of my close friends because I really felt like I needed them to know. I don't care about random people knowing... but people that I know, especially my family... I'm really just not ready for that yet. To be honest I don't know if I will ever be ready for my family to know.
Nobody should be telling you how you have to come out. Do it in your own way in your own time when you are ready. You don't have to do it right now or all at once. Take your time and use the support system you have that knows, and decide when it feels right to tell more people.
No, my husband definitely is not pressuring me. He has been so great through all of this. I don't know what I would have done without his help! I have been looking around but as of now I haven't really been commenting just because I'm just still so freakin confused.. I wouldn't be much help to anybody! I am thinking of seeing a therapist... but I just don't have the time right now unless one is open until 9 at night! LOL. My husband works crazy hours and we have 4 kids... I barely have time to breathe, let alone sit down and talk! LOL. Thanks for the reply! I'm glad to hear you figuring things out for yourself... and i wish you lots of luck on your journey!! ---------- Post added 1st Feb 2014 at 12:08 PM ---------- Thanks for the reply. I just want to take my time and do things as I feel ready... and not on some invisible time clock.
I have a long time friend who has a tendency to tell the world everybody else's business. She did not understand at all why her daughter was upset when she blasted out to the Facebook universe that the daughter had gotten an abortion and what she thought of that. She did not get it when I told her that it was not her story to tell. This is your story. You get to decide who to tell it to, when to tell it, how to tell it, or if you tell it. It is your story so don't let anyone else shape it for you or force it from you.
All of this coming out is going to be like baby steps one by one and it will just get easier after that.
One of the best advice i was given about coming out was: you don't need to do anything you don't feel comfortable with. So if you don't feel you are ready to come out to some people, you don't need to do it right now. Coming out takes a lot of preparation and time. so it's better to be confident about it than trying to rush and not feeling good about it. take it easy, you'll eventually get there someday! good luck
You absolutely do not have to do anything you are not ready to do. Give it some time, it gets easier I promise!
