Impossible Love.....PLEASE HELP

Shf, welcome to EC. I am not sure if I can be of any help, but one thing you need to deal with in this situation is the reality and the circumstance present. To do otherwise will cause you a great deal of emotional upheaval and not at all be helpful to your self image.

What is happening to you is already known to you, as you have said this love you have is becoming obsessive. Anything that becomes an obsession is more detrimental than good.

Now there is a bit of difference between love and an infatuation and from what you describe it is more an infatuation. It is perfectly ok to have such things, but you need to put it all in perspective. That is where reality and circumstances come to play.

1. Is he aware of the way you feel? Has he given you any hint that he might feel the same? If not he is unlikely to be aware of what you feel and is living his life as he normally would. You are meantime imposing assumptions and conditions that aren't a part of the reality. We can't really do that and expect it to happen, because the other party is an independent part of the equation and thus has their own set of rules to apply.

2. He is married and has a child. Perhaps this is his chosen lifestyle and desire. If so that is unlikely to change.

3. You are still a student and he a teacher, therefore a separation of authority. In the US for the most part there are laws that govern that separation of authority and a certain line can't be crossed, no matter if you are a consenting adult for the purpose of sexual interaction.

Other things may apply but I think you can see what I am getting at. The reality says that what you hope for and wish for and desire for is not likely to happen. So you need to put it all in perspective.

One way perhaps is to know there are standards and barriers that won't/can't be crossed but at least you are able to admire from a distance.

Another thing is time. I don't know for how long this process you have been going though has been going on, but I have certainly had infatuations throughout my life, last being a couple of years ago, but know too that over time this simmers down and eventually fades. It is important though to recognize that what you desire is likely not going to happen and when it comes up in your mind, you have to remind yourself of that fact and not let your fantasy concerning it to run amok. Not easy nor desired sometimes, but that helps you eventually get over the sting of not having something you want.

What you experience with this too is not something unusual or abnormal either. It happens to just about everyone at one time or another. It is when we dwell in the fantasy of it and not with the realities is when it becomes obsessive and if allowed to become obsessive it damages us.

Sorry there is nothing to be done but deal with it in no other manner but to turn off the fantasy aspects (wouldn't be nice to be able to engage in them whenever they happened) but there are some places we just can't go due to the realities. I am well aware having to do so sucks big time, but hey, sometimes life doesn't seem fair.

If you want to discuss more, am willing to do so or PM me. Hope this helps even though it is not what you wanted to hear.

 

I think the thing to remember is that you will always have people you fancy but can not have. Unfortunately being gay just adds to this, seeing the thousands of fit men and yet only a handfull are actually gay.

To be honest though, since he's married and has kids I would stay away. Respect that he has a relationship and is probably very happy and that despite your growing feelings you just need to leave well alone. Don't get me wrong there's nothing wrong with observing from a distance, but try and move on to someone else. If you can try and avoid seeing him unless absoloutely necessary, it will just soften the burden and then believe it or not sooner or later you will have found someone else, someone who can make you truly happy and you won't even remember he existed!

 

Oh he'll remember. LOL I had the biggest crush on one of my teachers in high school. He was married and had kids too. Just try to remember that this is pretty normal. Maybe think about the qualities that you like in this person and think of them in somebody your age and sexual orientation. Before you know it, that person will be in your life.