I was giving myself the same ol' mind games I normally do when I get tired. Instead tonight I thought I'd google 'cant decide if im gay' A thread on this site came up. Some gentleman was having similar confusion. The only difference between his story and mine was that he enjoyed gay porn. I've never enjoyed gay porn, and I've tried it a couple times to make sure. In fact I've always been obsessed with women. Even when I was a little boy I was thinking about fucking women. As a teen I could barley make it to the next class or off my bus before I was rock hard from fantasying about women. It wasn't until my early twenties I had anxiety and some one said I could be gay. That was the first time I thought of it. Since than I've had a couple experiences where people have teased me because they think I'm gay. Sometimes I get angry that my sexual orientation is a topic of conversation, or I get angry when people say 'thats gay, this is gay, youre gay'... using the word gay as if its a negative description. People are right fucked. In all honesty I wish I was one or the other so I wouldn't have to battle this confusion. My thinking is I'm probably slightly bi... It's hard conceptualize. It's confusing. I feel for anyone else who struggles with similar emotions/thoughts. thank you,
It sounds like you're just being confused because people call you gay and you get offended when someone uses the word 'gay' negatively. The question you need to ask yourself is, "Am I attracted to any men?" When you say you've tried gay porn before and not liked it EVER, that's making me think you're not gay or bi, just being confused by what people are telling you. Clarify if I'm misunderstanding.
Yeah, people probably see you as being quite feminine, which many still equate to being gay. Feeling bad when people use the term as an insult doesn't mean you are gay, just empathetic. A good quality for anyone. And remember, if you feel uncomfortable with what someone's doing to you, just scream RAPE!
Look at these two pictures side by side; if you find yourself staring at the male, you are gay; if at the female you are straight, both of them equally you are bi, neither, you are asexual; it's that simple. OK, maybe not quite that simple, but it is not rocket science either. The problems come when you marry the one on the right because that is what people are telling you you should want to do, but are attracted to the one on the left. Figure it out before you do; take all the time you need; explore your feelings first, then decide which works best for you. What other people think you are doesn't matter; that is their problem. What YOU think/feel/discover what you are is what matters. I get pissed off too when people use the word "gay" as though it is an obvious implied negative, although to some people it is just another word they toss around without thinking, because they don't think too much to begin with due to lack of resources to do so.
There is nothing that you have said to indicate that you are gay. It just seems like you care way too much about what people think of you to the point that because people think you are gay you think that makes you gay.
