Um, so hi. I'm Alec & I've got an awful lot on my mind. So, I'm in my 3rd year at uni, and, erm... Although I knew I couldcare very much for someone, I thought I was asexual all during high-school, until the last half of my senior year, when there was an emotionally healthy opportunity to experiment & find out if sex with a girl interested me, and, well... I loved it, and I've been identifying as straight ever since. Granted, my sexuality's been a subject of question for ages, but whatever. I identified as straight & nothing seemed otherwise to me. And I just spent the last weekend submerged in thought & working on the jigsaw that is my mind, and um... I'm certainly not straight. I'm not gay either... but I'm almost certainly bi-sexual, if not pan or demi or whatever, i don't know anything And um... on the one hand, my identity feels threatened (not that I take issue with alternative anythings... many dear friends are gay/bi or something else, I dunno all the terms, it's just... I thought I knew who I was, what I liked & how to do that sort of thing... and half the rules have changed?), and I don't feel like I can tell anyone around here about this. And I'm not a jock. Hardly, I'm more the arty indie musician that people would assume plays around with other boys. Except, I haven't been, I never have, and.. um... I don't know the rules of language here, so I'll play it down. I'm definitely not just straight. I don't know what I am, and I want to do things & feel things... I don't want to waste my time, wondering. I'm sorry, this is starting to sound like I'm trying to find a one-night stand online. I really just wanted to talk about it & say things & hear what others think. 2 days of being alone (did not go out this weekend), and thinking about it & trying to figure myself out was not a reasonable use of my time at all And when I emerged from my shell of thought & went to school & out on errands today, I... I've never felt so comfortable. Being able to acknowledge to myself, that I'm bi... was so freeing. I've never felt so fine with myself, and it was a very lovely day & my usual confidence (arty, slightly dark, if quiet), was transformed into something ultimately more honest & naive, and I had a fucking lovely day But I'm still nervous about identifying myself as something new, which I'm not entirely certain of... I sort of thing I need to go to bed with a man, before I could say anything. I hate back-pedaling
Let me catch you up on some of those terms lol Demisexual means you need a strong emotional connection before-hand Pansexual means you don't care what your S.O. is.. guy,gal, in-transition etc etc but.. nothing is black and white ^^ so it's certainly hard to label yourself anything unless you experiment first, which is healthy. take your time.. maybe write down what you find attractive about all the sexes, and if it's something big.. like say muscles on a man, then go with that, like I said experimenting is ok ^^ hope I helped ^^
