So, not long before joining this forum I came out to my therapist. Sort of. All I actually said was "Fun fact of the week: I'm not entirely straight" just moments before leaving. Suddenly, I'm finding myself way more attracted to other guys than I was beforehand. In fact, I'm less interested in girls, as well. I suppose I was suppressing it from myself. It's actually a liberating feeling, in a way, but now home life is extremely stressful. In the past week or so I have become overly irritable, and a bit of a jerk to my dad. I suppose that I'm unreasonably angry at him. I hope that I don't just yell "I'm Bi...ish!" In the middle of an argument or something. My parents... parent (my mom left but I have lunch with her every week) are quite religious and don't agree with homosexuality at all. I know they wouldn't suddenly hate me, just what I was "choosing to do", but that of course is just a byproduct of them still thinking it's a "choice". In fact, I've become so stressed at home that the other day I became physically ill to the point of barfing a bit. I feel like I need to tell them soon - the're (we're? still working on that, please don't post about it) christian, and this denomination treats baptism differently than most. You aren't baptized until you choose to be, but I'm getting to the age where I'm somewhat expected to. If I am baptized, and then come out, that would get me "disfellowshipped" and traditionally my family would pretty much disown me. They wouldn't kick me out since I'm a minor and their son, but still. I just really fear the day they finally say "hey, you should get baptized" and I have to tell them "no, I'm not." Then, of course, their next question is the scary part: "why?" Sorry for my purposeless rant. I just find it nice to dump thoughts somewhere where people will semi-understand what I'm talking about. Thanks for understanding. :tantrum:
As someone who is also just out to my counselor, I understand your feelings. It's like you said it out loud to one person and now it feels like it's just hammering away inside you trying to get out, but you still need to be calm and smart about it. Make sure you are going to be safe. And try not to tell your parents as part of an argument. Trust me, I'm a parent and anything said in an argument isn't going to go well regardless of what it is. As far as the baptism part, there are religious statements you can use to put that off if you want, that don't hint at your sexuality. If nothing else, you can respectfully ask for time, telling them it is something between you and God. Which is what baptism is all about anyway.
My current predicament is a bit similar to yours, except my dad's a bit less tightly wound than my mom (the latter I haven't yet told and probably won't for the foreseeable future). Really sucks about your parents though. It definitely is tough coming out to them knowing their background, but I suppose at this point its better than keeping your authentic self bottled up. If worse comes to worse, all you can do is just accept the way things are and remind yourself that life isn't perfect. As far as the baptism angle goes.....maybe this will sound silly, but....have you ever considered just finding another, non-fundamentalist church to baptize you (if you're so sure that the church you're at now has zero tolerance)? The level of sexuality acceptance varies from church to church from what I've personally seen. Even regardless of that though, you still shouldn't be rushing into anything. Wait until you think you're emotionally prepared.
I came out to my therapist on the first visit to her office, considering I'm very open about my sexuality and a couple of my problems connected back to my fear of coming out to my grandparents and such. Her first response was "Are you sure you're bisexual? Or are you just saying that because you're confused?" My reaction to that was "Wow, what a great way to start off therapy!" :lol: She wasn't trying to be rude though, she just had never met someone so sure of their sexuality at my age, or anyone who was truly bisexual. And as someone who was never baptized, I feel your pain. I was even given the opportunity to be baptized when I was in fifth grade or something. However, I said no. Something just stopped me from going up there. Maybe it was the fact that I felt like I didn't truly belong there, sexuality-wise and in general... or church had been over for a while and I wanted to just get home and eat some food. Either way, I've never been baptized. I always explain it as "Just because I've never had some water sprinkled over my head doesn't make me any less faithful to my religion," to those who questioned my religion because of this. It is really scary and quite annoying to be closeted from your parents though. I've been out to mine for over a year now, and while they were accepting, they really didn't understand anything. My grandparents are going to disown me when they find out though. I'd be surprised if they did anything less than scream at me and tell me I need Jesus. The worst case is that they force my parents to kick me out. My parents obey every single thing my grandparents say, so I'd be gone with nowhere to go. I know I can't give much when it comes to advice, but here's an internet hug. (*hug*) I hope things start to get better soon!
The funny thing is that, when you tell someone you are bisexual, then the first thing that comes to their mind, if they believe you, is that you actually have a CHOICE. Not that you are bisexual, but that you can CHOOSE to be straight-coupled if you want to, and ignore the gay-coupled side of your orientation, and live the straight life they want you to live. So, after you do come out, you may get lobbied upon to be straight, even though you have come out to some extent as being gay. Being baptized is sort of a different coming out ceremony, which is in conflict with your sexual orientation if it is one of those homophobic religions, so you are naturally going to have a problem with that one. The best way to solve that is to ditch that religion for one that is more friendly to your orientation, which would create a still different problem with your parents if they are hyper-religious. As Roseanne Rosannadana said, "It's always sumthin' ". My advice, worth what it costs, is to be yourself, not what your parents want or expect you to be; everybody else is already taken. Dealing with that reality is their problem to address, not yours. Trying to be what everyone else expects you to be is only going to cause you problems down the road.
