Coming out to my male friend

Is he gay or bisexual? Do you have any evidence?

 

I literally just did this... the difference being I know my friend's bi. The first thing I did was to write him a note saying "wanna go to prom?" but the way he responded, I think he thought I was asking as a friend (people do that quite a bit a my school). A few days later (earlier this week) I sent him a message on Steam when he wasn't on explaining that I've had a crush on him since sophomore year. The scary thing is, he's almost totally in the closet (we're close enough that he told me) and I had to make a new Email account (got hacked) so I can't get back on to Steam. When I get back to school next week (Tech school, have Co-Op) I will have no idea if he got the message or not, and I have no idea how he'll react (he won't say much outright, being locked in a closet and all). I get the feeling I really blew it. /threadjack

 

I would come out without telling him at first to kind of watch his reaction. That's what I did with my best friend and I'm glad I did because now I know he's definitely straight, and our friendship hasn't changed.

 

I'm planning to do this with my crush (some things don't change even when you're old like me haha)

 

"Hey, I'm bi" lol if he's not accepting then he's not worth your time. I prefer face to face interactions.

 

Try and see if you can work something like gay marriage into a conversation, which is easier said than done. You could also start dropping hints, like talking about how you find guys attractive and stuff.

 

You are trying to do several things at once, which usually need to be done sequentially. The order of events is:

A. Is he homophobic or not? (I find it hard to think he has not revealed himself about this if you have known him for 2 years.) If he is homophobic, game over. It isn't that weird to bring up the question of "What do you think about gay people; does it bother you or are you cool with it? I'm cool with it."

B. Assuming he is not homophobic, then you lead by telling him that you are bi or that you "like some boys more than the girls you know". Maybe he jumps directly to #D and comes out to you at this point, but if he doesn't volunteer, then ...

C. If he says he is cool with people being gay, then you ask him if he is bi or gay himself.

D. If he says he is straight, game over. If he says he is bi or gay, then you tell him the reason you asked is that you are attracted to him as more than just a friend, and wonder if he has similar feelings about you.

It is harder to fish around and ask someone if they are gay (because they may not be ready to tell you if they are) than to find out if they are not homophobic and come out to them proactively yourself. You have to be prepared for the word to spread around quickly as gossip if you do come out to him, so be ready for that possibility and have a plan in place to know what to do if it happens.

 

Well, kiddo, don't keep us in suspense! How did it go? We need you to dish here!

Btw, I love your username!

 

Minecraft, if he's really your friend, he'll get over it.

Think of it this way... You've opened his world up a little, shown him there's more than one way to be. The two of you are so young, and this is a pretty normal reaction.

Hang in there, kiddo, we're rooting for you!