Utterly Confused.

Hi guys,

So I'm new on this website, and am just really looking for anyone who has/is feeling the same way as me right now. I've tried just searching and searching on the internet, but no-one with the same full picture as me is coming up, so I still don't know; am I gay or straight, or bi or simply confused?
I am 21 (almost 22) years old, and until two or three months ago I had never even considered the possibility that I could be gay. But then I think it must have been when I started having dreams about girls that I started getting confused. I had always had some odd fascination for gay guy youTube channels, storylines etc. but after that I started straying onto lesbian channels, girl-on-girl... things.. that would often excite me.
I've also always had a problem with specifically sexual/sensual relationships with men which, until recently, I have never admitted to anyone. Even though I have been with a couple of guys, - nothing ever long-term, I mean I have kissed them but that's all - I have always felt - like something was wrong. Like I was being forced. As if when I was with them I felt too controlled; and it's not ever about the type of guy, because I was always the one in control - but I still felt something bad on the inside, like something rotten, or just that the relationship wasn't right. I felt scared by them saying anything even alluding to sex, especially when I was together with them.
But then I visited a friend around two weeks ago now, - I had never felt anything for her before, but just recently I felt.. very attracted her. And she said she sensed it too. She is openly bi-sexual. We kissed and although - like with guys that I don't like - I didn't feel a huge amount of chemistry or whatever, I never felt the way I did with guys, I didn't feel terrified or used. And when she was saying stuff to me about going further, I didn't feel scared at all, - not that I felt prepared for anything more, but it just didn't feel dirty.. And for some reason, the fact we did that doesn't give me the same sort of 'rancid' feeling inside. In fact I wouldn't be against kissing her again. But I don't know whether I am just saying this to myself in my mind, - because if I am this old, surely I should have felt something more like this before now?
I have thought I felt something for a girl in the past; a girl in my secondary school, but I never got as far as imagining anything sexual; I just felt a strange draw towards her. Then again, the only deep years-long crush I have ever had has been with a guy, not that anything happened ever. But I still find it odd, - and scary, to imagine ever sleeping with a guy, - I get a sort of not sickening sensation as such - but something just a bit unnerving. I have very rarely been attracted or aroused by a guy, definitely not their body, and only ever twice, by a certain type of kiss etc - all the other times I felt like they were pushing themselves on me, which is very irrational since they were boyfriends... And I tried to convince myself it was because of one particular dodgy experience I had; but the truth is that was fairly recent, like a couple of months ago, and this feeling I have has been going on with guys for as long as I remember. So I feel like by saying it was just the guy I'm making excuses for myself, - but then maybe I might not be! :/
Am I just a person with an irrational fear of guys, or bi-sexual? Or lesbian? Has anyone felt this sort of way before? Would be just so happy if anyone could give me their perspective on it. (Sorry for such a long message!)