Hi everyone A little back-story about me: agnostic who is supposedly "muslim", but i never really was that religous to begin with so im 17 now, and ive known im gay ever since i was like 12-13 years old, and at that age, i kinda showed my gayness a bit too much i was supe girly and i remember getting super excited when i got the main part in a school play, which was a girl btw, andmy parents freaked out, but they were perfectly fine when another guy took the part after i was forced to let it go -_- thats basically when i realized that they have doubts and didnt want to encourage these acts :/ so i manly-ed up for a few years, but now im in 11th grade about to go out into the world, and the feeling of being so hated by my paremts and community has just been growing, and being in a private school that shoves religon down your throat really didnt help :/ but ive come out to two of my best friends, and everyone i know thinks im just feminine, but im an honest person and lying to so many people i love is just wrecking me. And then every closet gay's worst nightmare came, and my parents confronted me about this. Naturally, i denied it but they didnt believe me and said that i was acting like a girl, to which i responded to by refering to the school play incident, but they were being completely stubborn about this and saying they dont care and that they are gonna kick me out of the house and if i need it they could get me help, but i just shrugged it off. Things are "better" now but i know they still doubt me. I just needed somewhere to release allthis and so i found this website, so yh. Any advise on how to deal with this will be appreaciated but keep in mind that i live in lebanon aka the arab world so moving out amd living open arent really an option, being surroumded by homophobes and all :/ anw thnx for the help.
Hi there AAG Man, I feel your pain. I have a few Muslim aquaitances and I know how strict the culture can be. Welcome to EC! You have just joined a virtual friendship circle that will be there for you no matter what (where or when). /D
hey... it is good that you are ranting !!! let it out !! you have begun the process by telling friends soon you will be away from home at university .. then your life can really take off?
If your parents are willing to kick you out for it, then my advice would be to stay closeted to them until you are capable of living on your own. Whatever you do, don't let anyone "try" to change you. I can't say that I know the culture in Lebanon, so I don't know what other advice I can give. How did your best friends take it when you came out to them? How do open gays get by in your country? Terribly or not too bad?
Hey an arabic guy. My main advice is, you need to understand reality in the arab countries is quiet different, so the internet will be full of resources saying there is nothing wrong with being gay, however in the arab world this opinion is not even held by gays themselves. They will sleep around and meet up in all these 'gay places' but will still talk about God and that you need to pray 5 times a day. Well not everyone but, I am just telling you be prepared for a tough acting career if you want to have any dignity in life. Your parents will tell you go to the doctor, and the doctor will keep telling you its your lack of faith, its your lack of will, its all your fault for not trying hard enough, you are listening to western propaganda, stop going to gay forums, stop making gay friends, stop watching gay porn, marry a girl and I will help you through it. Of course that doctor costs freaking money, and your parents are going to be saying don't we pay all that money, why are you not trying. Lebanon is by far the most...'accepting' of gays, they are the most liberal arab country in my opinion, however there is also VERY religious people there, who hate what Lebanon is becoming. People who are liberal there will still have reservations about gay people (actually that is most 'open' minded straight people). Also you need to understand following western ideals about anything is very touchy in the arab world due to our rich history with Israel, and USA and etc. Machoness is no joke in the arab world as well, already lebanese guys are seen as too soft by other arabs and are laughed at for it. You are 17....much to learn my friend...I don't know how you want to tackle these difficulties. Here is what I did though...I came out to everyone at age 15 not because I was brave, because I was hoping they will kill me or kick me out...I hated my self so much for being gay (...still do) ..my family was middle class..they were not 'crazy religous' but religious for sure. Friends thought I was kidding or trying to get attention..some stopped talking to me all together. Parents; mom thought I was schizophrenic or its just a phase, dad did not know how to deal with it, and just told me do not think about sex and focus on helping humanity. Everyone told me pray to God about it...I'd be a liar if I say I did, I have always had trouble with religion, and that was just the breaking point...I am agnostic as well only because I have no idea what happens after death, and frankly talking to God sometimes is comforting when no one else is willing to listen. Although I came out, I did play along the 'you need help you are lost' story, people liked that idea and hoped that I will recover from my sinful homosexuality...I went to the doctors, and I tried to butch up, and whatever people found annoying in my behavior I stopped it. I did not discuss my 'disgusting' sexuality openly. I did not pursue it as well, because honestly at the time I thought I am the only homosexual in the middle east. People were compassionate as long as I said I will get over it, any hints of me giving up to homosexuality were viewed with disappointment. I am in Canada now...and I have met a few gay people from the middle eastern background...some of them become athiests (rare), most of them marry and do whatever they like doing on the side, and still religiously justify it lol. Huge Warning though: Don't think that gay people are to trust either, you need to be careful dealing with people period, there is a lot of guys out there who would love to abuse a naive gay guy, so don't think that your hope in the world is to find a guy who says I like you either. Sexual diseases are no joke, although a lot will definitely treat it as if it is....so be very careful. Sorry for the text wall...no one can tell you how to handle your situation exactly, cause only you know what you can deal with, but what I am trying to tell you here...you will need to play a game with society..love, compassion and honesty have no place for homosexuals in most of the arab world unless you are willing to say you have a problem (frankly most of the world) you need to learn to be ok with that and still love yourself somehow. I am not there yet, I hope you will be able to do it.
Well, by saying not too bad, i mean alive at the very least, but we still have a lot of challenges and problems, like a constant threat of being assaulted or killed and we can't go to the police with it, because if a gay lives an assault and goes to the police, he's definitely going to die there and my friends were completely supportive and accepting, so i guess im lucky to have them at the very least ^_^
Yeah, at least you have supportive friends. The rest of what you said is awful. That sucks. Can you at least try to leave the country for school like quoted below?
Since your situation is similar to mine ... Its great that you came out to some of your friends and about coming out to others it depends on how open minded they are. Just make sure you're 100% ready before you come out because its not that easy to tell people that you're gay in the Arab world. Finally, remember! People who really love you will always accept you for who you are
Hi, I thought I responded in your thread yesterday, but maybe that was someone else. I have two links for you that I got from a friend who's currently looking for grant money specifically to develop support systems and resources for LGBT people in middle eastern countries. You may have seen these before... aswatmag.com And a human-interest piece: On Hamed Sinno - My Kali He's also shared his DropBox folder with me, which contains quite a lot of info (in 5 large PDF files) specifically addressing your issues in Lebanon. But I'm trying to figure out how to get them to you anonymously. I'll let you know.
Hi Arabic guy, I know exactly what you are going through. I also am a muslim and being identified as a homosexual is impossible. I now live in Canada but when i grew up in a conservative muslim family. I still haven't come to terms with my orientation and feelings. I have been married for almost two years now and each day is a struggle within to identify myself. I have been consumed with fear and creating a huge wall to hide my inner self that for 28 years now i have lost myself. It is very hard, i am sorry i don't have any good advice but i guess I am also here for answers. I pray that you find yours Be brave and look inside you will find the strength. its in there.... hopefully it comes out soon
Best thing you can do is get out of that situation. I can't see the arab world focusing on gay rights anytime soon, since they have many more important issues to deal with(woman's rights, poverty...etc) Sorry to be a downer, but I don't wanna sit here on this forum, and tell you I know how you feel when I don't. From what I understand the middle east is one of the worst places you can be if you are gay. Which shouldn't be discouraging to you, but more encouraging to get the hell out of there. I honestly don't think I would've survived, or still be alive if I lived in a muslim area. I've had a hard enough time accepting myself in one of the most liberally progressive places on earth, Toronto, Ontario area. I couldn't imagine Lebanon. Religion is a nasty thing for gay people, it basically justifies homophobia... no one can argue me on that one. So yea, work towards getting the fuck outta there. You don't need to be in a toxic environment like that. You can even claim refugee status for political reasons. I'm sure living in Lebanon is a good enough reason. Sorry, but fuck Lebanon and the Middle East, or at least their governments. Their laws hurt me just by knowing they exist and that there is that much hate for me elsewhere. Get out of there, I am no expert, but understand societal progression partially, and it is going to be YEARS AND YEARS, before Lebanon can be labelled, "tolerant" of gay people. If you lived in the Southern United States, I'd give you the same advice.
an arabic guy, I hope you're still watching this thread, because my friend came through with a bunch of stuff, a lot of it in Arabic, so I have no idea what it's about. I just hope it helps. Coming Out (Arabic) http://www.aswatgroup.org/sites/default/files/11_coming%20out_0.pdf Born Free and Equal (English) http://www.ohchr.org/Documents/Publications/BornFreeAndEqualLowRes.pdf Myths and Facts (Arabic) http://www.helem.net/sites/default/files/Helem_MythsFacts(Rabbath)_AR(web)_0.pdf Homosexuality Penal Code (Arabic) http://www.helem.net/sites/default/files/HomosexualityPenalCode(ArabCountries-Lebanon-Tunisia)_ARABIC_2009.pdf Yogyakarta Principles (Arabic) http://www.refworld.org/cgi-bin/texis/vtx/rwmain/opendocpdf.pdf?reldoc=y&docid=48244e752 Best wishes.
