I was in my counseling session when this thought came to mind and has really been bugging me. Since my parents have never asked me about a boyfriend or 'hooking up' with one I began to wonder if they have an idea. There was also the wedding comment that my dad stated about me never getting married. So with that I have started to have this feeling of telling them so that I can start to tell others so they will stop asking me about having a boyfriend. It has to do with living a small town and alot of the connection with people that I know are through my church in which my parents attend. My mom and I have not always had the greatest relationship when I was growing up. There was a lot of tension between us and periods where we would not talk to each other. However, things are looking up and we are starting to talk more and I feel in some way that this will help furthar our understanding with each other. I also would like my parents to be more involved in my life on somethings than they have been in the past. Please :help:
A little bit more info... So many times I want to say something but I fear what the reaction will be. I want my parents to know that this is important to me; it is a part of who I am. I understand that I will never have a normal relationship like my sisters. I understand that with my background in the church, which is very important to me, I choose not to act on the feelings that are outside what the church believes is ‘normal’. I feel that is an important step because I need and would like the support of close friends and relatives as I get ready to start a new chapter in my life. (I am graduating college in May :icon_mrgr ) I am looking for some input on the situation. What would you do? Or what do you think I should do? It is driving me crazy and I am having a hard time concentrating on other things.
Soccerchick, I am in a similar situation as you. I am not 100% sure of my orientation either. Some days it fluctuates between 80-99% sure. Anyways, back to your question. I felt like telling my parents after I admitted to one of my best friends that I was attracted to females sometimes. I also had the add worry of my parents finding out the wrong way and I also thought they already knew on some level. My father actually asked me back in high school and at the time I denied it. However, when I talked to them in November he said if he asked it was only out of curiosity, he didn't actually think I was. This was probably the biggest blow to me. I was always under the impression that they knew or suspected so for them to say they had no idea threw me for a loop. Anyways back in November (06) I wrote them a letter which I ended up only sending to my father at his work email. He was very supportive when we initially talked, but the problem was that I was (and am) still confused and he took that to mean that this was probably just a phase. He, and now my mother who also knows, still think this is something I will grow out of or eventually get over. I on the other hand can never see myself in a relationship with a male however unsure I may be about being in a relationship with a female. The problem according to my parents is that I have never dated before so how can I know? If your parents ask you how you can know (and I know this happened with me) you may start questioning yourself even more. My advice, and if I had the chance to do it all over again, I would have either approached the topic differently or not spoken to them at all until I was sure of my own sexuality. On the other hand, it really helped me knowing I could talk to them about it. And while they are not 100% supportive, they are very supportive and assure me of their love. The only worry I have for the future is if by some small chance I decide I want to date a male, then I will have to eat my words. This puts me in an odd position then and one I'm sure you are trying to avoid so as not to give your parents mixed signals. The problem is that I'm not sure sexuality is that black and white. Anyways thats my advice although I'm sure there are people on here that could give you much more sound advice. I completely understand about not being able to concentrate though, I was a wreck right up to and even after I told them. Hope it helps and good luck.
I know what you mean by the feeling of telling, but I haven't done so yet. Some people talk about hiding a double life, and I understand that to some extent, but it's not like I've got a boyfriend that I'm hiding and lying about. I can't tell you to talk to your parents about it since that's something you have to decide for yourself. As for the church, there are Christian denominations that do not expect us to remain celibate, and what exactly is acting on our feelings? Can we have a friendship with someone we're attracted to? Can we hold hands, hug, kiss on the cheek? Where is the line that must not be crossed? I would think that we can do what any straight non-married couple is allowed to do. It sounds like you don't want to offend your church family/friends so that they will be there to support you. That's understandable, but maybe someday the need to be with someone special will override your current feeling. I hope you find someone that you can't bear to be without and that your freinds/family will see that your love for her is just as real and valuable as their love for their significant others. :icon_bigg
