Im 14, I have known my friend for 3 and a half years now,at the start i thought he was a weird guy,i just saw him as a friend. Around a year later i started having feelings for my other best friend,i just wanted to experiment with him however,i still 'loved' girls but wouldnt mind sex with this guy. This went on for 2 years until my friend ,i mentioned at the start, started to hang out with my group of friends(the other guy doesnt hang out with us) i started to become good friends with him and started to think that i wouldnt mind experimenting with him aswell. When we went on our ski trip my feelings for him grew,i had forgotten about the other guy and anyother girls.A few months after the ski trip,i found myself speaking to him everyday,however he started hanging out with his friends instead of me at school,we still talked all night everynight.He never really goes out with us and would rather stay at his house,i would try anything just to be able to see his face. After a while i gave up as he kept lying and rejecting me. Unfortunately,the rejection started during a time when i had discovered drugs (weed mainly). The first time i was rejected after i discovered drugs i broke down,i started to have thoughts of cutting myself or killing myself. He was the first person to bring me to tears without any physical contact. Whenever i got high it became a bad high with constant thoughts of him. This was when i realised i loved him,if i went a day without seeing him or speaking to him i would 'breakdown' again, i would do anything just to be with him,i've lost alot of friends and started doing badly in school because of this. In the past couple of months,he started hanging out with our group again but he brought his other friend with him, i disliked this guy,i was jealous as he seemed to be better friends with him than me. The boy i love started to flit with me alot recently, he would touch me,randomly hold my hand,draw on me,and sometimes i would catch him staring at me,Just recently,we had been called a gay couple by some of our friends,during one of out lessons a girl said this and we just laughed and stared at eachother, i got lost in his deep blue eyes and he just stared at eachother for about 10 seconds,i could swear i saw lust in his eyes. Whenever people call us a cay couple we just stare at eachother and dont say a word. I always wonder if hes gay or not,but a month ago he told me he liked this girl,this killed me inside,despite him telling me this he still flirts with me and leads me on, i have given him hints that im gay, saying stuff like "i understand why gay people like men" and "i hate people who are homophobic" and he agrees with me. His friend who he brought over to our group clearly likes him in the same way i do. This is why i breakdown whenever they hangout with eachother outside of a school without me. My friend has given many hints aswell but i dont know if hes joking or not. I guess its a race between me and this other guy,who will show their true colours first.but i dont want to loose our friendship,if he rejects me i dont know what i would do,a world with out him is like hell,im pretty sure if i ruin the relationship i have worked so hard for,i would just kill myself... Please i need help
I would consider telling him that you are gay but not that you like him, at least not right away. Even if he is straight do you think he would mind or tell someone? If not go for it. If he’s gay then even better.
It sounds like he wouldn't mind if you were gay or not and he'd be your friend regardless. If he agrees with you on hating homophobes, then how could he be a homophobe? Tell him you're gay/bi/whatever you are before you make a move on him.
Thanks for the advice, maybe now i can sleep without it bugging me,unless he's in my dreams of course
FFS...i dont understand him, some guy from our school performed a gay action towards him (stroked his private area when they were looking at eachother...i mean it was proper,not like a joke) and he said that it made him feel sick and said that the guy is really weird (well he is) but if he thinks this about that guy because he has homosexual feelings towards him,what will he think if i come out to him? I just want to get this off my chest but i dont want to loose him completely!
Im staying at his during the week, should i come out to him then? I really love him but I have no idea if he is gay or not. Do you think i should come out and not confess my love to him,or if when i come out to him,and by some divine miricle he does to, should i confess my love to him? Need advice please!
He definitely sounds bisexual. With the instance of the guy... Um... Stroking him, well, a straight guy/girl would feel sick after a guy of the opposite gender that they did NOT like did the same, but I would start by gradually testing his reaction by asking questions about how he feels about LGBT people, etc. If he seems accepting enough, tell him you're gay, and I know that if I was mostly in the closet and someone I loved said they were gay I would tell them I was too. If he is gay/bi, it should be ok to tell him your feelings to him.
Hey so at least for me the best thing I could do was tell him bluntly. Walk up to him and tell him what you are. Perhaps you can't muster the courage to say it directly to his face. That's alright send him a message telling him be sincere and don't hint at it just tell him. It worked for me and all I know is my personal experience.
Thanks for the advice, im just so scared to come out to him, i dont want to loose my best friend as well as my lover. If he admits that hes gay/bi or shows any stong signs i will definately tell him about my sexuality and my feelings for him
I was texting him today, we were speaking about sad films and i said we should watch one and i said jokingly "you can cry on my shoulder dont worry" he replied saying 'thats gay' i went on to say "no im bi it dont count ❤️" as a joke and i cant tell if hes joking or not but he said "your scarring me" this made me think if there is any point in coming out to him if he gets scared when i 'pretend' to be gay/bi. However he did say "im jokin" after a bit, i just dont know what to do, help would be much appreciated
Maybe you should just tell him "hey, man. Seriously. I'm bi." Or something like that. Just make sure that he knows that you're being serious, he could have just thought you were kidding and thought that wasn't good. As long as he knows that you aren't joking with him about being bi, he should take it OK.
Im at his this week, i have been speaking to him about what his feelings are towards homosexuality and he has told me that he is not a homophobe, and has told me that a few years ago he thought he was gay, but he said that he blocked out the 'gay thoughts' and now he says hes 100% not gay. But when we woke up from sleeping, i woke up to find him starring at me and i just starred back and then we got up. I dont quite believe that hes '100%' not gat but i trust him to be truthful with me. I'm not sure if hes ready for me to tell him that i have homosexual feelings, he needs to mature more. Just thought i should update you guys on the situation.
Well, it sounds like he truly isn't gay. Sorry, but sometimes you just have to deal with it. However, he seems like he suspects that you are gay/bi, and he is trying to give you as much support as he can for you to come out. If he suspects and is supporting you to come out, I see no reason you shouldn't tell him! He sounds like he would be a very supportive person to come out to. Just don't get hung up over the fact that you and him just can't happen though. It's just a problem that you will have to deal with.
After realising that the love i want will never happen, and how much i need him and love him,i've had a breakdown, is there any point in living? With this in mind i reached out for a knife and started to cut myself. I have just woken up from being knocked out after trying to hang myself. From this i have decided to come out to him and see what happens from there, i will come out tomorrow.
Ok LP, try not to fret about this. If he says that he is not homophobic, then chances are he probably isn't (there may be an off chance that he said that he is a closet homophobe, but I doubt that he is). Since he is not homophobic, you don't have to worry about rejection, he may be either surprised or put off at first, but if he is a true friend he will come around. It'll be hard to date someone if they have no idea that you're interested in them. Also, the chances of getting in a long term relationship while you are not out to anyone are slim. Tell him, he sounds fine with it. You could even ask if he's bi/gay/pan/other (although it does not seem that way) and if he replies that he is in fact 100% straight, you will have to move on. From someone who has liked many straight guys and has actually came out to someone in hopes that they would return the favor and come out to me, trust me with the fact that pining after people who are straight/claim to be straight is not good for your mental health. You have to move one if he closes the door on any chance of a relationship unfortunately. There will always be another crush/potential love interest around the corner and it is not the end if one rejects you. I hope this helps and I wish you the best of luck in telling him if you decide to
And seriously, LP? Suicide isn't EVER the answer. Don't try to kill yourself, another man that you love will come by. Nothing can ever by so bad as to forever lose something that can't ever be replaced.
Im sorry, i just diddnt want to feel like i did last night every time i leave him or feel rejected by him or feel as if i have done something wrong. I realise what i did was stupid and i should never think suicide is the answer. Its just i have never felt like this about anyone, i feel right when in around him, i feel happy and at peace. But when im not with him i feel negative and shitty. I guess this happens in love, sods law
A non-homophobic gay denier... why would you hesitate to tell him if it makes you feel so much better. Just have a quick serious conversation saying that you're bi. If he says he's gay or bi then maybe ask if he has a thing for you. If he doesn't say anything about his orientation, leave him alone. It's better to not go out with your best friend than to make things awkward because you have a crush on him.
Ok so i diddnt come out to him, but i have it planned, i told him that i need to tell him something, just us and in person. I think it will Be some time next week maybe. I would of done it last week but there were 3 of us at my house and me and him went into another room at started speaking about the cuts on my arm (i had show him) and started speaking about depression and past events and reasons for why we are/were depressed. I was going to tell him that the main reason for why was because of the whole closet thingy. But i was afraid that our other friend would over hear so i kept it quite. And thank god i did, he was right next to the door listening to what we were saying.(phew) But i will come out next time it is just me and him. Should be soon!
