I've held off on this for long enough. I need some advice, but first you'll need some backround on the whole, horrible situation. Ok so every summer my church goes on a service project for a week and we go and help out with fixing up houses on Indian reservations. Several churches go to each site and they mix you up with everyone so you get to meet new people. Anyway last year I managed to find someone that I really liked. She was, in my mind, perfect, and by the end of the week we were pretty attachted, both emotionally and physcially. The problem came from the fact is that I'm north of San Deigo and she east of San Francisco. So you can see the problem here. We tried to make it work for about a month, but it just didnt work. I could tell that it was killing her as much as it killed me, I couldnt hold her, I couldnt send her demons away. Well now the problem. Usally you never get to see the same church again. But I think God just happens to hate me. Anyway, her church is going to my site, AGAIN. So I have to face her AGAIN, and lets just say it wasnt exactly a very pleasent break up. Finally she confuses me so much because as I'm sure you can tell from my stats to the left that I'm gay. But for some reason I fell in love with her and to some extent am still in love with her. I just dont know what to do about the whole thing, I mean what do I do when I see her again, and I wont be able to just ignore her, cause I'm staying at her church on the way there. Im sorry its long, but I need some advice. Thanks -Jonathan
Wow, that's a situation... I would suggest to try to still be nice and talk to her, but watch out for any repeats from last year and learn from what happened. Of course this all depends on how good/bad the breakup was. That is a tough one, and sorry i cant help any more... -Jonamo
My suggestion is to be friendly to her but don't lead her on by doing anything that is going to end up hurting her again. You know sometimes things happen for a reason and maybe there is a reason that the two of you are being brought back together again. Maybe its to mend fences or maybe you will even come out to her. The thing is you are going to see her again so just go with the flow and see what happens. I don't know if you believe in soulmates but she sounds like one to me. Some people just come into your life for a reason.
Oh yeah forgot to mention, I thought I was bi back when all this was going on and I did tell her. She was perfectly fine about it, thought is was pretty cool cause we could connect on a whole different level.
Ooh...breakups. Hard things to do. I was lucky with my last and only straight relationship. HE broke it off, and I wasn't exactly that attached (and now I know why.) But here's my advice: There is an unwritten rule of dating that says that the one who does the breaking up doesn't initiate contact between the two again--the one who got broken up with does. I'm gathering from this that you were the one who broke up with her. If this is the case, wait for her to make a move. Watch what she does--if she sees you and suddenly gets really shy and doesn't want to look at you...take a hint. She doesn't want to talk. Wait for her to come over and say hi. Know that it will be awkward--it probably will be forevermore between you two, especially since you love her. And because that's true, I'm guessing that she loves you back to a degree. So...it's not going to be the same. But it can be cordial. Just let her start it, and then be nice. Don't be overly animated and excited, because that will tell her that you simply don't care. And you do. So be careful and calm, and follow her lead. And though it may seem impossible, I'm sure there is a way for you two not to have to talk to each other, because I'm sure there will be more people than just you two. But that is only if it comes to that. Just see what she does and be nice about it. You still care about her, so show it a little. And honestly, I believe in that corny saying, "Everything happens for a reason." So maybe there's a reason why you guys are thrown back together--something about rebuilding burned bridges, maybe? Just don't lead her on. Show her that you still want to be friends...but because of the distance, nothing more than that can happen right now. I hope this helps you.
Hi Jonathan. I agree with the others. Sometimes things happen that we can't really explain but they happen for a reason. I think it would be good when you do talk to her that you are honest with her. Given that you have come out to her as being bi and she was cool with it, maybe (and only if you feel comfortable with it) you could come out to her a second time. It sounds like that she would be supportive. Don't do or say something that might lead her on. It would not be fair to her nor on you. But I would not ignore her. It sounds like that you guys could be indeed good friends. Try to be yourself. As the others have said, 'go with the flow and see what happens'. Hope this helps!
