choose: yes or no?

Did you ask him exactly WHEN he chose to be straight?

 

Omg Becky, people like this can't be helped.. I tried my best effort to explain to my friend and she's like "Well, I could choose to like girls and actually like it, I just don't want to because I don't feel like it and it's gross."

I feel for you BookWorm.. haha nice name btw

 

Some people just don't quite understand it because it goes against their beliefs or the values they were taught at a young age.
Sometimes there's just no way around it, and you have to live with people like that. They're ingrained in their ways and there's no way to make them budge.
Just shrug it off and let them be that way...and if you already asked him that question, I guess that's all you can do. At least you're still friends, right?

 

Let me type this again, since it might come in handy for you.

I did not choose to BE gay. I'm attracted to guys. That's part of my programming. It's part of who I am.

However, I did choose to LIVE gay. I chose to live by that programming. I could have denied myself my homosexuality. I could live a completely celibate life. Or perhaps force myself to date women, maybe get married to one, have some kids, the whole shebang. But it would never ever feel natural to me. It'd be like walking around on my hands everywhere I went, always wanting to walk on my feet - the way I was programmed. I have chosen to be happy, to live by my programming, to live as an out homosexual man.

So, technically, you're both right.
I didn't choose to BE gay.
I chose to LIVE gay.

Lex

 

When I first came out to my best friend a year or two ago, he thought that it was a choice as well. At the time I told him over and over again that it wasn't, but it didn't really change his mind at all. Eventually I just let it go, because he accepted me regardless.

So reading this topic I decided to ask him again. (Didn't really think about it till now.) Turns out he says of course it isn't a choice.

I think the problem is they never really think about it, and go by what they hear or what they decided when they were young and naive. When they realize there is someone in their life who is gay/bi/anything they will think about it a lot more, and they will find things out on their own.

The best way in my experience is to leave it alone and let them figure it out themselves. Especially if they're extremely solid in their opinions like my best friend is.

Just try not to let it get in the way of your friendship! (Unless of course they try to change you - this can cause a whole new set of problems.)

 

Be honest, would you ever choose this? I'm not saying you can't be happy and successful and have a great life if you are gay, but who would choose to be something everyone hates?

 

This is one of those things that you can't make very many people change what they believe. There are so many people out there who believe that we choose to be gay and it's hard to try to convince them that it isn't a choice. My best friend thinks that I chose to be gay and that if I want to I can be with a guy and that if I just have one night of really hot sex that I will change. In the almost 5 years she has known I'm gay I haven't been able to convince her that it's not a choice.

My dad also believes its a choice

I think if I were you I would just drop the subject and let him believe what he wants to believe. At least he still considers you a friend. I just believe you are fighting a losing battle by arguing about this because I don't think he will change his opinion.

Oh and I really don't believe we choose to be gay or straight I think its in our genes or a chemical or hormonal screw up or both? All I know is I don't think any of us would choose a life that is filled with pain and inequality.

 

i think that onviously, you don't choose to be gay, you are the way you are, but i think that in the end, it's your choice what lifestyle you lead and whether to be out as living a gay lifestlye so i can see why some people believe that there is a choice but in the end, you can't help who your hormones tell you to lust after lol.

 

I don't think that it's a choice at all.
I think there is a misunderstanding between choosing to live in denial and choosing to accept yourself.
So no it isn't a choice. It's just the way we're born.

 

ask him this: would you CHOOSE to live in the most socially hated religiously outcasted group in the world for the sake of having good sex?

 

EXACTLY! I mean there are those ignorant ass holes who hate gay peopleand think that we choose to be gay but y the hell would we want people to hate us, it doesnt make sense. but theres always going to be those ignorant people who think its a choice and all we can do is try and show them that its not!

 

...choice?

I spent 2 years trying to choose to be straight. I failed.

End of story.

 

It certainly isn't a choice. I tried denying it - subconsciously for most of my life - and that got me nowhere. It isn't a choice.

But I don't think you can convince anyone of that who has it in their heads that it IS a choice. They're obviously too closed-minded to argue with someone that IS gay about how a person ends up gay. Shouldn't you know better than them?!?

 

No, direct sexuality is not a choice. A person can choose to be honest about it or they can choose to hide it. They can try to act differently on the outside, but no one gets to choose their sexuality. No one has the choices laid out in front of them and gets to pick. How a straight person can think they know more about being gay than a gay person does is beyond me.

 

Being gay is not a choice it is part of who we are. I have struggled with my sexuality for years and I have been miserable. I tried dating women and could never find that emotional of physical connection needed to establish a lasting relationship. When I went out with my friends and they used to gawk at women at bars and clubs I thought to my self "I don't get it". Once I realized who I really am, I am a lot happier. If it was truly a choice I could have avoided years of angst and torment.

 

You cant choose who you're attracted to or how you feel its just there. So no its just a choice. You should ask him to go into detail as to why he made his "choice" if that's what he believes. Like really i did not choose to be gay, though i have accepted, for a while i wish i never was.

Because with all of the crap we have to put up with just from society in general, who would honestly CHOOSE that?