Hi everyone! I'm living in the dorms and I somewhat recently accepted my sexuality. I've come out to a number of friends and my mom. Now I'm wondering if it would be wise of me to tell my roommate before I get involved in any LGBT organizations, or not. He's an incredible guy, who is very respectful and pleasant to be around. I don't think he would have any serious problems with it, but i still feel very cautious. I guess more than anything I'm worried that he might be uncomfortable and think that I am attracted to him (he has an extremely athletic build, and is often complimented about his good looks). Any advice? I'm probably worrying far too much, but it would be nice to hear others input.
It depends on if you think he would be supportive. We had an amendment proposed to define marriage as between one man and one woman last year here in Minnesota (crazy how times change; same-sex marriage is legal here now). Anyways, I knew my roommate was fairly liberal and voted no on the amendment. He really didn't care when I came out. He was like, "My sister knows lots of gay guys!" He even tried setting me up once which was cool. My only advice: 1. Make sure he isn't a homophobe. 2. Be prepared for possibly everyone in your hallway to know. A lot people don't understand the coming out process and might assume it's okay to tell anyone. 3. Even if you are attracted to him, you are not attracted to him (if you get my drift). This will make things a lot easier and less awkward.
Thanks for the sound advice Skov! I know he is a very open minded person. Considering I've known him for a semester now, I feel like he would be supportive. We aren't best of friends really, but I trust him and we are open to one another. I've brought up gay things in the news a few times and his reaction was always positive. It's #2 that really made me think. I don't have any idea of what it would be like for pretty much everybody to recognize that I am gay. I know that there is a gay couple that room together down the hall (although I never really see them around and have never managed to start up a conversation). Pretty much everyone knows they are gay, and I have never heard a mean or nasty thing being said about them. About 1/3 of the hall is occupied by Baseball players. A fair amount of them are loud and typically very vocal about their opinions, and I haven't heard anything negative whatsoever. I don't know how to feel at the prospect of EVERYONE knowing, but the idea of not having to hide it is appealing. I also thought about the possibility of finding new connections to gay people that I wouldn't have otherwise known about. I know he is friends with a girl who is bi, and is very accepting of her. Since his "circle" is spread pretty far out, it might help that he knows. I haven't really been attracted to him, so that shouldn't be the problem. I'm just more concerned that he will feel uncomfortable or assume that I am. However, he has had gay guys hit on him before, and he responded in a very calm and straightforward fashion. Thanks for your two cents! It's nice to have food for thought!
I agree with the above. Also, I came out to my roommate a few months ago. I was afraid to tell him, thinking he didn't want to sleep with a potential sexual harasser in his room. Well, it doesn't really work like that These are preconceptions we have, people can be much better than we think (but not always). I can tell you that absolutely NOTHING has changed between my roommate and me. Well, actually things have just gone better, he realizes I trust him enough to open up to him, I feel the confidence of telling my friends who I really am.
You see, it's the same stereotype as thinking that every man would potentially sleep with all the girls on Earth, hence he can't have female friends. I hope this cliché is dead in the USA, but in Italy it's still alive for some people. Accordingly, a bisexual person could have no friends, right? I was afraid that coming out to my male roommate meant him seeing me like a "threat". No such thing. I was scared to death to come out to another male friend, because he's kind of conservative. When I did, he hugged me and told me: "feel free to talk to me anytime you have a problem, I'm your friend". I'm still in the process, but after a while you realize that being gay/bi/queer/whatever is a much smaller deal than you tought.
One of my roommates came out to me last year It was about the first week, but it was all good. I didn't know about my own preferences at the time (everything shoved in the closet cellar) but of the four of us, there were no issues Apparently I was the first person she directly told as well (cause I'm dense and didn't pick up on the hints). Afterwards she became active with the LGBT group on campus and really enjoyed being completely out!
Thanks for all of the personal experiences! It really helps and makes me feel quite a bit more confident about telling him.
It's only a big deal when you are surrounded by hostile religious fanatics or assholes, or have lied to people whom you should have trusted with the truth, which makes the lie awkward to unwind. For most reasonable people, coming out isn't that big a deal any more in gay-friendly locations, particularly for the young.
True. And anyway, even if you lied (as I did for a couple years), in the end your friends will understand the reasons why you lied. For me it was like showing my vulnerable side to my friends (which I never did), and thus they felt I trusted them.
Just wanted to give an update for anybody who might search for this in the future. I told him last night, and everything went about as smoothly as it could have. He told me that his opinion of me hasn't changed at all, that he still respects me, and that my secret is safe with him for as long as I need it to be. I'm glad I told him rather than keeping it locked up until the end of the semester. Thanks again guys, for the tips and support!
