So I should start this with some background. I grew up in a very oppressive repressive Christian home. The only gay man I knew growing up was my Dads cousin who was tolerated to his face and called a number of choice slurs behind his back. I've found myself now living with a woman in a lengthy relationship that has been rice with sexual problems related to me not wanting to have sex with her. I've been in therapy for sometime related to things that happened to me she I was young such as multiple exorcisms but one if the things we have been exploring is my sexuality. I'm 34 years old and just coming to terms with the fact that I am sexually attracted to men and that it's ok and doesn't mean I am broken. I realized this as cliche as it sounds while watching Glee. I began to realize that I was ignoring the Hughes cast of gorgeous women and focusing on Kurt and how beautiful I thought he was. The more I thought about it the more some of my sexual and relationship patterns started to make sense. I've ways been very promiscuous with women and aside from my current relationship I've never managed to be with a woman long term for the same reasons I mentioned above. I'm not in doubt about my sexuality anymore. I've stared realizing things about myself and choices in other parts of my life, whim I feel attracted to etc what I don't know how to do is move towards sow thing healthier for myself and those that this will effect most deeply.
I would start with those you are most closest to, this could be family, friends, etc. People you know you can trust(for now) with this revelation. sometimes getting your newly discovered orientation out can make you feel great, like a new person maybe your dad's cousin would also be a great place to start, since he's been gay for awhile he's bound to have some tips for you ^^
What you need to do is to start planning how and when you want to come out to others, since you have already accepted it about yourself. As Plenilune said, your dad's cousin sounds like a good place to start. He can probably suggest others in the family who will be accepting. If your dad doesn't, well, you are 34 years old, not a child, so it is time to build your family of choice to support you if your other family will not.
I deffo agree with Yossarian... Talk to your dad's cousin. He will/should understand what you are going through and he might be able to give you some advice and help. I think that would be the perfect place for you to start!
I should have mentioned in my original post that my dad's cousin passed away a couple of years ago after a long fight with cancer. That unfortunately is not an option. I spoke with my therapist at length about this today and she was unsurprised. She suspected already I gather from things she said. It was nice being out with someone that wasn't going to judge. I agree with the family if choice sentiment. I know that when this comes to light that I am going to loose most if not all of the relationships closest to me. I am working in being at peace with the fact that if they can't accept me as I am with no illusions then they never really accepted me in the first place.
Try coming on over to the Later in Life Forum. You'll find a lot of kindred spirits and good advice there, too.
Oh man, I totally identify with you. I come from a super religious family and now live in a super religious area of the country. I came out to my family about a year ago. I totally expected the worst, but that didn't happen. My Ex's family has been fantastic. I love them even more. My family has been difficult but nothing like I imagined. My children have been incredible. Bottom line, you may be assuming worse than will really be. If they love you, they'll adjust. That may take some time, but they will adapt. I've gotten the religious argument too, but I think they are starting to realize that this is no passing interest as they originally thought. I assume they've thought through the past 40 years and realized what they've known all along. It's scary as hell, but be as fearless as you can. You deserve to live honestly too. Much love! Go get 'em tiger.
