So ive come out to a few people starting recently, and they have all been supportive and understanding and loving. But i had this preconcieved idea that once i did it, and was accepted by others that it would feel great, and i would feel this weight lifted off my shoulders, and then all my problems would be solved. But now im starting to feel that all my problems with being gay are not coming from my feelings of what other think and feel, but its coming from within. Im not okay with it, i thought i was -but im not. And now it seems as though ive realised that telling people and trying to get validation from others is not the answer, i need to get it from within. But i really dont know how to reconcile within myself all my issues with being gay. Can anyone else relate to this, or am just fucked up?
Hey, it's great that you have supporting friends and close ones. That's one step. I think the real issue is, Are you happy with who you are?(Not just in sexuality,, but overall). For me, personally, in this situation, I would feel like I'm just another gay guy that people think is obsessed with sex. But you don't have to be. Love is not about the physical. You're not fucked up. Accepting one's self is something we all go through, be it in regards to orientation, social status, beliefs, ethics, personal weakness, etc.
Hi! First of all, there is nothing wrong with you. It is normal to have inner feelings that are contrary to your 'outer' feelings. Even though we receive acceptance and support from our friends and/or family, we are often still battling our own fears and feelings. Often these feelings stem from inner homophobia, which will take time to overcome. Part of it is coming to terms with (to use your words) "all the issues [of] being gay." Even though you have come out to a few friends/people and have received support there is probably still a part of you that 'questions' as to what it all means. It sounds like that you are still trying to accept your sexual identity fully. That's okay. Over time you will have figured it all out and these feelings will subside. Also, at some level you might still be having some fears about further coming outs and how others might react to it. This might add to the feelings that you are experiencing. Take your time with it. Don't rush into anything. Maybe what would help is if you talk to a counselor/therapist about the feelings that you are experiencing. It might help you to get to the root cause of it. Hope this helps. If you ever need to talk feel free to pm me at any time.
Don't worry about it, you're not messed up. As humans we, for some reason, rely on other people so wholly that we get our self-image not from ourselves, but from them. Self-consciousness is an inner emotion or state of mind arisen from how we believe others perceive us, though we may be completely wrong in our judgement. Confidence is the key issue here. Focus on the fact that you were so certain of yourself that you were able to tell people about yourself. It doesn't matter what they think (I know, you've heard it before, but it's true.) You're not like the stereotypes. No one (okay, almost no one) is like the stereotype of their type of people. You are your own unique person who they need to appreciate and accept. Try not to think about what they might be thinking. Assumptions like those are usually wrong. My guess is that if they're still hanging out with you that they accept you. The ones who don't like it...won't hang out with you, and you won't have to deal with them on the whole. It's really common, don't worry. I get like that sometimes...even though only one person knows. Prejudice is another one of those states of mind, and it's the ugliest form of hte human mind in the world. And it's formed by what we're taught and what we're exposed to. So think of it this way: you're exposing them to someone close to them who is gay. This will probably reduce their prejudices. So *grand scale* you're doing it for the betterment of mankind. *eyes avatar* Think of yourself as Superman--saving the world from the evils of prejudice. *~~~WHOOSH~~~* Hope this helped...Good luck.
I feel exactly as you do, and Asteroid was right - once again: There is an inner homophobia we all should battle against. Mine is still there. GAH. I guess it just takes time and a TON of self-confidence. It has been told before, just looking for acceptance in the outside is not enough.
