After reading some inspiring and actually feeling a little envious (yes, really!) of some stories shared here on EC about coming out. I feel I want to share my situation, I would love for any tips, advice etc. so very much. Firstly, I wouldn't be even considering coming out if it wasn't for Tom Daley's announcement several months ago (very famous olympic athlete in the UK). Before then I had no desire or plan to come out, since he did, something clicked and I feel a little more desire to do so... I am 19 now, but I have not come out to a single person, reading a handful on here came out at like 12-14 makes me feel really dreadful. But I think I perhaps took longer to actually accept and realise some of my feeling were not just a 'spell' and that I was in fact gay, I was maybe around 15 or 16 before I even accepted this. I have never personally known anyone who is gay, male or female. You see people who you'd suspect to be, but they aren't ones I actually know, just random people in and around the city. Unfortunately, I suspect this to be my main cause of my sheer absolutely no-way of coming out. I feel like the only one in the world who is gay. I know that's not true, but I have just simply never met anyone..... Sadly, I don't have many real life friends to be honest, and I can't imagine a situation where I tell my parents first even if I was forced. I don't know why, I'm not scared of them of being angry, maybe more disappointed. What I do have is several online friends who I talk to very regularly, but I really don't feel able to speak to them about this, I've tried previously to bring it up to understand their views on the subject to 'test the waters', but it doesn't go far enough to actually know for sure. I work in real life, but I haven't had much signs of encouragement from colleagues. One of them in particular isn't a nasty person at all, but when discussing someone famous who had come out (the same Tom Daley, actually) I overheard a comment "What a waste of a very attractive man". This hurt, and she wasn't even talking about me! I am at a dead end. I hope EC has opened some doors though, because I had been looking for somewhere to share thoughts and rant to, online. I've tried advice agencies etc. in the UK for but I've had one completely useless reply and one non-reply. It's quite depressing and demotivating, somehow I can't muster up the encouragement to try them again. I have only emailed those two times though... My ideal scenario would be my one real life friend I sometimes see to somehow decide he was also gay, tell me so I could feel comfortable to tell him. As he has a girlfriend - doesn't seem too likely sadly.
Try not to stress over it. i mean, i haven't come out yet, so i don't have much room to talk. i do understand where you think that your parents would be disappointed, but you can always ensure them that you can still have a family and kids (if you choose) and live a happy life, and maybe they won't be disappointed. And why couldn't you tell your parents first? also, you might not be ready to come out. you could always try to find a boyfriend first, and then come out when your comfortable. however, if people don't know you gay, it will be hard to find a boyfriend. my last piece of advice would be to tell that friend of yours who has the girlfriend. he might not be gay, but if he is your true friend, then he should accept you.
Hey man - 19 isn't so bad! I just accepted I was gay not even 4 months ago, and I'm almost 29. And there are lots of others older than that. Some people just need more time than others to... ripen? Something like that. I agree with Eisenhower - if he is your friend, he'll be accepting, and believe me, it takes a huge load off to be out to even one person. And without knowing too much about your parents, if they aren't ridiculously huge homophobes, they will probably be happy if you're happy. In the meantime, keep skulking the forums - what it took for me to take the plunge was finding someone else whose situation I could relate to. There's probably someone around here who has been in the same boat. And look to see if there are any LGBT support groups in your area, in case you aren't quite comfortable talking to friends and family yet. Also - "what a waste of an attractive man" isn't necessarily meant as a slight. My mom makes this joke a fair bit, but more in a "too bad for straight women" kind of way. She actually felt the need to explain this when I came out to her.
Yea, I would think she was joking about the "What a waste of an attractive man" meaning he's been taken out of her prospective dates... so to say lol Like Gort said, the time it takes to come out varies! but... I wish I came out a decade earlier, instead of hiding it lol! I'd be so much more fabulous =p and keep on doing what you're doing! reading these forums, asking questions, and soon you will find your own path "out of the closet" so to say ^^ and welcome btw =p
Hi I can understand the situation you are in and I'm 23 and only came out 4 months ago so you're not the only one who comes out later in life I also don't have many close friends nearby so know what its like feeling that you are alone, my advice to you is too come out when you feel ready and if you want to talk feel free to message my wall
Hi Eisenhower. Thanks for taking them time to read through my thoughts and reply. I've underlined/bolded a few things I'd like to respond to. - Firstly, I don't know why, but I feel like my parents are the last people on earth I would tell first. I'm not saying I'd never tell them, but I don't know exactly but I just don't want them to be first. They're far from strict, in fact they're very giving, very kind and so supportive with life stuff in general, but the more positives I string off, the more I don't want to say! I don't think telling them first will be the road I go down, but who knows! - I feel I might be ready for a boyfriend. I have time, feelings and to be honest, needs as well! I feel you might have found my route though, once I find someone else who is gay I believe my situation will improve, but I just can't seem to get to know anyone in person! - He's certainly someone I'd consider, the only other one is a work colleague, who are much older and just might have come across it before. The only issue with my friend is I can't seem to dig out his views on LGBT people no matter how hard I try subtly. He regularly says things like "Oh that's so gay!" when something bad happens, but so do I sometimes, it's no indication at all. I will continue to explore this. Hiya Gort, I read your entire post, many thanks for your thoughts. I've copied only this bit to try keep my post non-essay length. (Already failed I think!) The LGBT groups is something I've looked at. When I have had support in the past (long time ago) I've been used to 1 to 1 and I think I'd probably also go down that route. I think this maybe something I explore If I feel I've hit a wall. :bang: Regarding this quote above, you may have a point. I hadn't thought of it that way at all, which maybe was foolish. I honestly can't say I'm totally sold on the prospect of that in my particular case yet though. I feel your mother might be slightly more accepting than this person at work. It's really super hard to explain because although she isn't nasty and wouldn't say anything awful to you face to face, it's what she/others think is concerning. Thanks again everyone for your thoughts, I feel quite relieved to have a place to share my thoughts. It's been bottled up for so long and you don't realise until you start writing that you literally were just bottling everything up!
