I'm considering coming out tomorrow, on valentines day. it seems like an appropriate day to do so I am 15 by the way. i am really nervous and will probably back out. i want to come out to my parents. i did come out to my counselor, but no one else. i want to come out, but when i want to i just keep my mouth shut and don't say anything. i don't talk to my parents a lot, especially about touchy subjects. those kind of subjects are just awkward for me, and probably my parents, so we just stay away from them. And i also don't know how to start the conversation. like, i don't want to just say suddenly, "I'm gay." What would be an introduction, or 'opening statement' per se? and also i have a younger sister who, is annoying, and will probably interrupt us. I am just so afraid. i tried to come out before to my parents. it was just me and my mom and i said, "i want to talk to you and dad sometime when "my sister" isn't around" and she got so scared. she was like, worried for my life or something. i guess she thought there was something wrong. so, i said we need to talk about school [lie]. and we had a nice 10 min discussion about a teacher i don't like, but we had that conversation the same day, so there isn't much respect for, Some other time when my sister isn't home because we had the fake school conversation in front of her. so some help would be nice. sorry i typed so much. :help:
Hi Eisenhower, It's really good to hear you're ready to come out. As I haven't come out at all myself, I envy your desire and motivation to do so. Due to this I can't advice on experience. But I understand where you're coming from. I think the best situation as you said might be without your sister. Maybe next time when it comes to letting your parents know you would like some personal time to chat, really emphasise the fact that everything is fine and she shouldn't worry. When I wanted a private chat with my mum (not related to being gay), when she asked what is was about openly in front of other people I actually said something completely different to what I planned to say & then later explained I didn't want to talk about it in front of others privately. Wish I could remember what it is, but hopefully you get the idea. Not sure if it's the best way, but worked over that one time. How to actually say it, is obviously another primary concern, one of which I feel you for. The only cliche advice I can say is once you start, it will probably be quite easy to continue. I really wish you best of luck tomorrow if you go ahead, don't beat yourself up if you don't, there's always the next day! Let us know how you do!
Is it the end of the world if your sister does hear? Is she old enough to understand and respect your wishes to keep quiet to non-family members etc? Can you not just find your mother or father at a time when nobody is around and tell them if you prefer? It might be easier and less stressful than gathering them both for some serious 'big announcement'. There is no easy way to say it, but you could change the wording like 'I like being honest with you when I can and I am not attracted to females in anyway'. Make sure you say it in a way that shows you are 100% sure and not 'I think I might be gay' as that may give them a hope that you will decide to like girls in the future. Sometimes its easier to say it, but don't make a big deal of it, as they might make a big deal of it themselves.
sorry, forgot to mention, my sister is 9. so, i think she is a little young to understand. also, King, i do like the idea of just waiting for them to just be alone and just tell them, because those opportunities do come up, yet i just feel unprepared and like it would be awkward and unexpected. but i guess if i just say, 'there is something i wanna talk about, then that won't make it too unexpected.' its just that i can't even say, 'hey, i wanna tell you something."
How about in the car or on a walk? I told my sister I wasn't into guys in the car when dating came up, and it just came out casually. I honestly hadn't planned on coming out to her, but when the opportunity came up, I just casually slipped it in and she rolled with it. maybe something like that would work for you?
May be you can start by discussing relationships, or friendship which could be a cue for you to tell them. To be honest though, there is never really the best time and it will always be abrupt and shocking no matter when you say it. You just need to downplay the issue and re-assure them that your still the same person as before etc.
If you feel awkward saying "I'm gay", you could try "I'm not really into girls" or "I have a boyfriend" (If you have a boyfriend) And if you're worried about your sister being around then maybe you could write a letter addressed to your mum. It's probably worth telling a close friend that you're planning on coming out. If they react badly to you coming out then at least you'll have somewhere to stay while they get their heads around the idea. Good Luck
