Okay, my mom has been home off of work for the past four days because she had a vacation, due to the Fourth of July. It was fun, we did a lot, watched the fireworks, etc. However, yesterday, things started taking a turn for the worse. We were trying to fix my pool water. So, we were talking and she goes "look at the water!" and I say "I see it, I see it". My mom got pissed when I said that, she claimed I was taking an attitude with her and that I didn't appreciate anything she did. Then she went on this tangent about how she doesn't have any friends or family here in Ohio. That isn't my fault, and I wish she wouldn't say those things. Anyways, she went inside and I kept working on the pool. I kept working to give both of us time to cool down and so I could fix the pool. A hour or so later, she came out and helped me and everything was okay for awhile. Then, we needed to ask my dad a question about the pool water. So, we call his cell-phone. He doesn't pick up. However, there is a reason. He is an instructor at his workplace and he can't have his phone on him during classtime or he'll get in trouble. We had called him during his teaching time. So, I told my mom this. And this is the conversation: Mom:"Oh, of course, you always have an excuse for him." Me (flabbergasted):"Mom, he is teaching right now, that's the truth." Mom: What about when we call him outside of class time?! Me: Then there is no excuse for why he doesn't pick up. But right now, he is teaching, he can't pick up. She gets pissed and starts going on about how 'I have a smart-ass mouth' and how 'I never make excuses for her'. Then she goes inside, I retreat to the pool and work on it some more. After awhile tensions diffuse and we make dinner. After dinner we head out to work on the pool after my dad put some more chemicals in the damn thing. The water was cloudy, cloudier than before. Then she turned up the chlorine dispenser. I said, not knowing that she had just done it, 'maybe that caused the cloudiness'. I was guessing and she says 'what' and I say 'nothing', because she says that almost everytime I say something to her...it gets annoying. So, she makes me repeat what I said and she says that, yet again, that I 'have a smart-ass mouth' and I 'don't appreciate her' and 'no one appreciates her'. So, she goes inside, leaving me with stuff to get picked up and a dirty filter to clean. Then, she calls my dad, he picks me up and we go to the store to buy more chemicals. We get back, throw the chemicals in the pool. He tells me that I can call him anytime, blah, blah, blah. I head back in because I have dishes to do. So I do the dishes and my mom doesn't even look at me. So I'm like "okay, whatever". I finish the dishes and head into my room to read a book, to further give us time to cool off. Then I went into the other room and played video games. So, she comes in the room and says, 'can I talk to you?" and I say, 'yeah'. And then she starts on about how no one appreciates her and stuff like that...It gets old after awhile. I'm upset, angry, and sad, which has been magnified by other reasons, and I start to cry and she says "Oh, there you go, with the tears. Well, I can go for days without talking to people, this won't bother me." She hasn't said a word to me since then. Not even when she left this morning. Now, I love my mom. She's the best mom you could ever ask for (except maybe Becky, lol) but when she does this it pisses me off and it hurts me. Because I do appreciate her. And 99% of the time, when she says I talk to her with a smart-ass tone, I'm truly not, most of the time, I have a pretty mono-toned voice when I'm working, because it keeps me focused...She also has a problem when I interrupt her, but she doesn't give me the same courtesy, she alwasy interrupts me and I often lose what I'm saying to her and we don't even have to be arguring. Wow, if you read that whole thing, good for you! Here's a dancing banana (!). So, thanks for the help guys
It really sounds like your mom is having some self-esteem problems and she's taking it out on you. My suggestion would be to DO try to express appreciation for the things she does but don't do it when she's in a huff and all angry or she's going to take it wrong. Just when she does something for you tell her thank you and say something nice to her. She just may need a little more attention to smooth things over a bit. Are your mom and Dad married? If so, then maybe mention to him that she may need some more attention from him also if you can get him in private. She might need some encouragement to get out of the house and make some friends too.
She's well-liked where she works/goes to school. She goes to school for cosmotology and she's really really good at it. She low-lighted my hair and it looks awesome. And there's a lot of people there (including the instructors) that rave to me about how good she is at everything. My mom and my dad are still married, but their relationship is horribly flawed, my dad doesn't live with us anymore and half the time they argue anyways. I show her appreciation as much as I can. Last year for her birthday (I didn't have any money and I'm too young to drive), I made her a card. I got all of my friends and my teachers to sign it and write a little message to her in there. She still has that card..I just, don't know what to do to get her to talk to me, and not get mad at me when I get upset. I upset pretty easily, anymore, it sucks, but I'm not ashamed to admit it.
Mom troubles are the worst...it seems like there's nothing you can do. Becky's right. You need to just compliment her and make her feel better. I think she might have self-esteem issues, like Becky said. This might be caused by your parents' separation, though I can't be sure, of course. She seems quite upset about little things. Try giving her little surprises. One night, just randomly make dinner for the two of you. And when she asks suspiciously why, just say you felt like you wanted to help her out some. She'll appreciate it. Show her you love her, and don't get mad at her when she yells at you like that (I'm such a hypocrite--that's what I do.) It's a fine line to walk, keeping your mom happy AND everyone else, happy, but you can do it. Just surprise her with little kindnesses to show her she's loved and appreciated. That seems like what she's looking for. I hope this helped somewhat. I'm not that good at mom troubles...I've got quite a few of them myself.
Most teenagers go through the classic mum/daughter phase at some time. If your mum is having problems with your dad, self esteem issues and sees her baby becoming a young woman there are often hidden jelousy issues which though may not be concious on your mums side may well exist. You are young, pretty have your whole life ahead of you, she may well be feeling middle aged, split up from her husband a daughter to bring up and half her life over... who knows what issues she is dealing with. I am not saying this to excuse your mum, she is the adult here and you shouldn't have to take on her problems. If you feel strong enough you might try and help her with random hugs and just say to her 'I love you' at various moments. This will undoubtedly give your mum a boost and if your mum is feeling better she won't be on such a short fuse with you.
I'll give you guys an update on this situation. Yesterday, my mom came home from work/school and she was in a pretty good mood. All of a sudden, all was forgotten between us and she was talking to me again. Which is good. The only thing I want to know is how can she be angry as hell one day and nice as pie the next?!
How old is your mum, could she be starting an early menopause? is she premenstrual?... I know everyone goes on about it but your menstrual cycle can have an enormous influence on your moods. Another cause of irratic mood swings can be a disfonctioning thyroide gland. Could you possibly talk to your mum about her mood swings without setting her off on one and see if she has noticed them as well, otherwise go through an aunt or a close friend who your mother might be more receptive too. Not wanting to point the finger but are there times when you are more susceptable to her moods and react in an excessive manner. You are yourself going through a lot of hormone and life changes as your periods settle down and your body changes.
My mom would kill me if she knew I told you her age. She's 40 years old. I have no idea if she's menopausal or PMSing...Although, when she complains about her periods, she does seem to be more, irritable. I think we both overreact to certain things that happen, we're both equally guilty. Thanks for all of your help.
Well then she shouldn't be menopausal, it is just possible but highly unlikely. Discretly try to notice when she has her periods, not it down in a diary then see if there is a pattern to her mood swings. This will of course require 3-4 months but a pattern will probably show up. A woman ovulates 15 days after the first day of her period (please feel free to correct me Kara if I've got it wrong). In order to ovulate the body releases hormones and there is the most fertile period between 15 and 21 days where again you have higher doses of certain hormones, these can make your breasts swell and be tender, you body may retain water and you can become crabby/irritable/moody. Not forgetting of course the normal irritableness of the first few days of your period! If you can chart your cycle and that of your your mum's you may well see a pattern of when you are arguing more. This will help you to understand what is happening and why and to stay out of her way or bite back if you know it is hormonal and not personal. Often girls/women living together or in close proximity menstruate at roughly the same time. If this is the case you may well both be feeling crabby at the same time so it is no wonder that you are clashing more than usual.
LOL - I don't feel qualified to wade into this following a discussion on menstration... Your mom seems to be taking out her frustrations on you with respect to your dad. And that simply isn't fair. Having said that, most parents will tend to turn to one of their kids when the relationship with their spouse isn't good. That puts an unreasonable burden and responsibility on the child (does it sound like I'm speaking from experience?!?). I'm not sure what to do about it though - other than to suggest that your mom share some of these concerns with one of her friends rather than with you.
ok, now i hate when people say this but i'm saying it anyway, but i know how you feel. My mom does it to me all the time, and to me, she's probably worse because she'll have a fit if there's like 2 or 3 things out of place and the fact i dont clean my room. I would jsut give her a little while to cool off then call her (because it doesn't sound like she lives with you or you live with her) and tell her how you feel and if she still does what she's doing i would tell her 'i love you mom but you are being such a bleep to me and i can't take it anymore, it seems like every time we talk we get in a fight and i'm tired of it. If you want to talk to me that's fine. but if you just wanna argue and make me feel bad, don't even bother.' i know it kinda sounds mean but...sometimes that's the only way that mothers get it. and if you actually do say taht and she goes on saying how you don't appreciate her then i would say something like 'i do appreciate you, mom. i think it's you who doesnt appreciate me and it's getting really old hearing how no one appreciates you and *blah* *blah* *blah*" I don't know...that's my rambling...hope it helps. and good luck with you're mother issues(*hug*)
