Hey guys...so I'm kind of at a loss here and I don't really know who to talk to so here I am. I hope you guys can help! I will give you my situation: I am 19 years old, and have had a boyfriend for a little longer then three years. Okay so let me just start by saying I have 3 brothers that I have grown up with. The really only people that I hang out with are guys, they are who I feel most comfortable around. That is why like my boyfriend just feels like he has always been my best friend..in a way we talk like were just best friends.. I like cars, tattoos, dirt bikes, all that stuff... and I have always been wicked shy around girls idk what it is, like they make me embarrassed to be around. I just feel awkward around them...when I was younger I had my first lesbian experience and I loved it. I've always watched lesbian porn because that is just what I have always been attracted to. I honestly don't think guy bodies are appealing unless were in the dark..like me and my boyfriend have great sex but do you get what I am saying? Sometimes I just think about girls more that way and it turns me on more. I have one best friend that I have known since I was a freshman in high school, and I've just thought about just moving out with her and I think I love her...IDK I'm at a loss I feel like everyone can see that I am lesbian except myself...like it's obvious..I try really hard to be girly and fit in with girls, like I'm really pretty and fit and I dress girly...but I just feel like I'm suppose to be with a girl...but maybe I'm not...? Am I suppose to feel like that around girls? I thought I was suppose to be shy around guys..idk and I just feel awkward like I'm trying not to check out my best friend or girls when they are changing and it is just a shitty feeling! haha I'm super confused and this probably makes no sense but its just a mix of how I am feeling! Anyways, any help or input would help me out a ton...:lol:
Hun, you're not "supposed to" anything. Being attracted to girls doesn't mean that you have to behave a certain way. It just means that you like girls. Nothing more or less. You are who you are, and I think the best advice I can think of is just to really look inwardly at yourself and say "what do I want, and how can I get it?". This advice is as true for romance as it is for pretty much any aspect of your life. Maybe you can't answer those questions easily, and that's ok too! I myself am still exploring what it means to be "me" and what I need to do to be comfortable in my own skin. But the important thing is not to let the expectations and limitations others impose on you and those around you to be the basis of your choices. If you like girls then embrace it! Be the lesbian you want to be. If you like guys as well, then be Bi! Let your own wants and beliefs guide you to the choices you know deep down are right. I don't know if any of that is useful, but I hope that maybe something in my ramblings will resonate with you on some level.
I'm 8 years younger, but I will help if I can! So, it has always been boys that turn me on, not girls. However, I want to get romantically involved with both guys and girls, so that has led me to question if I'm bi or gay quite a few times. That and the fact that all of my third grade crushes were on girls, so... What I'm saying is that being gay can be slightly different for different people. Look at Maverik's orientation, for example. Lesbian but willing to be bi for the right person. That could be the case for you and your boyfriend. Or you could be a lesbian leaning bi. It changes depending on the person.
