Hi guys, sorry for the many threads I've made, but anyway! I'm a lesbian, and it never really bothered me that no-one knew, because it's not a big part of my life (not yet, anyway). It's just...there. Anyway, I had the courage to tell my friends and I feel loads better for it, but I can't get over the nervousness to tell my parents. Now, my parents are totally fine with it, I'm not worried in the slightest that they'll react badly at all. I just feel nervous because...I don't know, I'm just a nervous person. I want to tell them both at the same time, but I really have no idea how to begin that conversation or how to find the courage to do that.
Hi there! First off, it is wonderful that you were able to gather the courage to come out to your friends, and it is good that you are feeling better. Every time you are trying to come out, you are bringing down the wall that your own inner homophobia has built up over a period of time. By coming out, you are trying to leave that behind you. Coming out to parents, is harder than coming out to friends, and this is when your inner fears, will make themselves known more often than not. Knowing that your parents will be fine is already good. To reduce the nervousness, and start to feel a bit more at ease with the idea of coming out to your parents, maybe try thinking about coming out to one parent first. It might make it easier. What might also help is to write down what you would like to tell them, and then decide as to whether you would like to speak with them, or give them the letter. If you feel too nervous to speak with them, you can always give them the letter. Here are a few example letters, which could help you to start writing out your thoughts or thinking about what you would like to say, and give you the feeling that you are ready for your parents to know. Give it a bit of time. From time to time, try to stand in front of a mirror and say out loud to yourself: I want to come out to my parents, and try to gauge how you feel. If you feel alright, try to give it a go.
Mad props for telling your friends!! Take a giant sigh of relief. And another. But not too many, don't hyperventilate. Also mad props to Mirko. Everything that he wrote is completely beautiful and glorious. Definitely take your time and don't rush into it. It took me like two weeks to settle on a draft of my coming out letter that I felt confident with (and multiple texts to fellow queer friends asking for revision help!). Brainstorm when and how, and marinate those ideas for a little while. You'll ultimately know when the day and time is right.
To add on to mirko's and Jencat's part on letters, and note that these are my ideas, and I have not yet tried them out. I'm thinking of possibly starting the conversation via letter but finishing it up by talking to my mom and dad. One of the problems I've noticed is that the hard part of coming out to someone is starting the conversation. Once you start the conversation and say you're gay, it all gets easier as it goes on. So, maybe use a letter to start out a conversation and saying that you're gay and then talking to your parents afterwards, because personally hearing it confirmed by the persons mouth sounds a lot more meaningful to me than doing it entirely via writing. By the way, seeing as I'm thinking of doing this but haven't heard of it done before, I would like to hear feedback on what people think on it.
I love GayCJ's idea. I gave my dad my letter in a closed envelope to open when he went out to dinner with his girlfriend, my sister, and my brother-in-law. I thought he was just going with his girlfriend until like two hours before... but it definitely got the job done. My dad and my sister ended up texting me right after they read it, and conversation followed after things relaxed a little bit.
How did I get past the nervousness? I didn't - I was quite literally shaking when I told my parents. I knew they would be fine with it, and they very much were, and despite having come out to a few friends before and being at least used to the process, it didn't calm me much. For me, I just eventually bit the bullet, said the words, and then let the conversation go where it went. And then asked for a reasonably large glass of scotch afterwards I think what helped me over that hump was that I knew my relationship with them was suffering because I always felt that I was lying by omission, and I just wanted to get things back to normal. But yeah, especially if you aren't used to speaking off the cuff, a letter might help. But the nerves are natural, even if you don't have any logical reason for being nervous, and it might result in a couple of false starts.
Jencat, thanks for letting me know what the reaction was! I haven't but I was thinking of trying it on my parents. Glad it helped, definitely what I'm going to do!
Thanks, all of you! For me, personally, I'm not going to go with the letter idea. I'd just be freaking out while I'm waiting for them to have read it, I think it's easier to pluck up the courage to say just a couple of words, and then everything after than is a relief. I do feel ready to come out to everyone, I'm just generally a nervous person with everything. Thanks all of you for your advice
