Right then, I have a pretty interesting conundrum for you guys, so listen carefully: I'm a 13 year old boy, gay and out to my close friends, but I know I'm ready to come out to more people now (not my parents, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it). This may all sound familiar, but a chance may have arisen for me to talk at school about my sexuality: as part of our 'life skills' everyone from Year 7-11 has to prepare a short speech about something that affects them, and it can be absolutely anything. I figured that it would be the perfect opportunity for me to come out to my form, whilst talking about homosexual people in general, as my whole school is pretty relaxed and very open about social matters, and even a few teachers call kids out on the misuse of 'gay' as an insult (quite spectacularly sometimes); it's not even that other pupils would be particularly surprised - I've been openly questioning for a couple of years now. So taking all this into account, this chance is perfect, right? Well, now we come to the parents issue. My mum and dad, as great as they are, seem like 'homophobes-but-less-than-a-phobia-implies' in that they're fine with the whole concept of homosexuality (one of my dad's relatives is openly gay, and they're perfectly civil to each other at family events), but only in public (when I recently expressed interest in a Lady Gaga concert, my mum dismissed it on the grounds that she didn't want me to 'turn out gay', and when there's any gay kiss on TV, the first sound heard is my dad tutting). So here lies my problem: Should I come out during my speech and help to combat homophobia in my school; my parents don't even know I was questioning so why should they find out I'm gay if I do? (Even if they did find out, they'd probably get used to it in time.) OR Should I stay publicly closeted for a while until I come out to my parents, therefore ensuring a guaranteed good relationship with them for the foreseeable future, yet missing the speech chance and continuing to lie to people at school? I have no idea whether I'm overthinking the whole thing and should just go for it because it will prove beneficial in the long run, or whether my 'being outed to my parents concern' is a serious thought, despite the fact my parents aren't at all connected to my schoolmates, although my mum is a parent governor at the school. Do I need to do a 'pros and cons list thing' or am I asking too many questions? Thanks for reading anyway, and please share your thoughts, even if you only add to the questions I'm asking myself!
Sometimes it's so hard to say! I'd suggest that maybe one of the reasons that they are civil around your dad's relatives is that they are OK with the concept of homosexuality but do not fully understand the issue. Maybe if you just did it you could not only make it public that you're gay but also help both your parents become more open about homosexuality. Then again, it never hurt anyone to have a backup plan in case of failure.
Why don't you consider to tell your parents, and also tell them that the reason you are telling them right now is because you want to come out with your speech and you felt like you should tell them first, so they would hear it from you instead of as gossip from someone else. That will show a certain amount of concern and respect for them, which hopefully they will return to you. All of this assuming you feel ready for them to know.
While I absolutely admire your courage -- coming out to a huge group of people all at once can terrifying for anybody, regardless of how comfortable with their sexuality -- I'm not so sure this is a good idea. If you're that open about it, I think it will probably get back to your parents pretty quickly, and I think it would be better for both you and them if you told them directly. From what you wrote about your parents I'd say you have every right to be worried about a potentially negative reaction, but at the same time you never know; sometimes it's hard to understand or deal with differences until they hit close to home. Your parents have known and loved you for 13 years and you've been gay this whole time. Nothing has changed about you and I hope they're able to see that. I'm not sure my advice is right in this case, but I suggest you write them a clear, detailed letter explaining how you feel, why you are concerned about how they would react, and how you hope they will adapt. It is their job to love and support you unconditionally and I hope they remember that. Best of luck with whatever you decide to do. You have a lot of guts.
