Hi everyone, I'm on my first coming out site. I have always been attracted both sexes, but as I get older I'm finding myself only attracted to attractive women. When I have sexual dreams, it's usually involving me with a beautiful woman having my first real lesbian experience. The thought of having sex with men, doesn't get me sexually aroused at all. But I'm really confused. I've been a mother and wife for 22 years, since I was 20 years old. I put my needs and desires on the back burner and raised my family. And my kids are almost adults now and I figured out its time to start taking care of myself and my needs. I've been depressed and anxious for the last 20 years. For the first 13, I thought it was depression due to relationship with my ex-husband. Then I met my fiancé about eight years ago. I love him dearly, but most of the time I feel depressed. We haven't had sex in almost four years. And I moved out of our master bedroom into my own room two years ago. And it's not like I decided not to have sex with him, but more like we both decided to not have sex. (I actually have a theory that he is in the closet- gay- but will never in a million years come out. But that's another topic, for another time.) And I'm not attracted to any men that have been interested in me recently. The thought of ever having to give another blow job makes me want to throw up, lol. I guess that's a good indicator of my sexuality. I'd rather be intimate with a women than any man. I want to feel real passion and sexual satisfaction. Instead of fantasizing about other women when I have sex with a man. It's the only way I can achieve an orgasm with a man. I've only ever had one lesbian experience with one girl when I was 19. Strictly necking and some over the clothes heavy petting. I need advice. I'm afraid. I'm sexually frustrated. I need advice. Thanks, Shylynn
Hey there, and welcome! I don't have a lot of direct advice for you, but one place you may want to sift through is the LGBT Later in Life section of the forum, as there are a lot of folks in similar situations there, and you might find some rather useful advice there, not to mention a lot of lovely and supportive people to talk (type?) with. Best of luck going forward! And kudos to starting to look after yourself!
Welcome to EC! This is kind of weird because I'm 11 and have never had any kind of relationship before, but maybe you could tell him that you just don't find yourself sexually attracted to men. You should give him a lot of reminders that you love him, just not in that way. As your husband, he would probably be very supportive of your being lesbian. If he is indeed a closet gay, it would also help him start to come out, maybe he would even tell you then!
