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High School

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Isaac, Mar 25, 2007.

  1. Isaac

    Regular Member

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    Hello Gay Community. Wow, this is the first time I have ever written anything or even attempted to reach out or talk to people in the gay community. I have known I was gay for about 2 years now (i'm 17), and it has been hard. I won't go into a lot of detail but I have never been the most social. In Elementary school i left because people picked on me, beat me up, hated me and that wasn't becasue i was gay. They just didn't like me. I have always had low self esteem to start with.

    It's interesting becasue in grade 10 i used to have major stomch and breathing problems. I went to the doctors and they would do all these test and they said i was fine. Just recently i have realized it was becasue of depression. I haven't told my doctor but eventually i will. The funny thing is that you would never expect it from me. I'm always smieling, making people laugh, telling jokes, and just fun to be around so people wouldn't expect i'm depressed.

    But probably like the rest of us, it's just now and then. Somedays are okay , some days are bad and some days i'm on top of the world. My biggest reason for depression, and no offence to anyone, i'm NOT flamboyant. There is nothing wrong if your are but every time on tv or in a movie, the gay guy is overly flamboyant. They make that person fill the most obviously steryotypes. The never show a more 'toned down' gay person. Yes sometimes during a joke, or a small hand gesture i could seem gay, but if you didn't know me, you wouldn't expect it. I know that there are tons of steryotypes and probably some of you are the same as me but i play sports, i dress the same as 'stright' guys, i don't do anything to my hair but keep it short (i hate long hair), i follow sports (mostly hockey), and tons of stuff.

    The part that bugs me is why people don't want to hang out with me. Somedays i wonder if something is wrong with me, if maybe somethig i did in grade 9 is why people don't want to be my friend. I have been on the same hockey team as a few guys for 2 or 3 years now, and we have so much in common. We used to hang out and now nothing. But i am getting A LOT BETTER!

    Ever since this year i don't give a crap! The last couple of months i'm begining not to care. If i wasn't there friend then, they i won't be. I try to tell my self when i get down that i am worth it, and i am who i am. I would love to have more friends but that's okay. One thing that always cheers me up is Will and Grace which i have only seen season 1-5 so i can't wait. I did see the season finale but forget it. Sorry my message is so long but i never talked to anyone about this and now hundreds of people will read this.

    next time i post it will NOT be as long and i am very hapy that i have people that are willing to listen and care about this. Thank you.
     
  2. JayHew

    In Loving Memory Regular Member

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    Welcome Nathan, I am sure you will find a number of good people here.

    Although dirt was just being invented when I went to elementary and high school, it seems most of what is experienced there hasn't changed a whole lot. What I think is great for you is to have those ideas and thoughts that you are worth it and you are most definitely who you are. Just understand this too, there is not one single person on this earth who can do what you are doing right now and in the future as well as you.

    Elementary and High School are difficult places because we don't necessarily know the ropes and are in a learning process which seems to be learning by trial and error. Also later our hormones come on and create highs and lows with emotions. One other thing I can look back and say, the young are nearly unaware of how cruel they can be. It is not a condemnation as during this time it is so necessary we concentrate on ourselves in order to grow to decent adults, but to concentrate so much to the exclusion of others is a bit of a failing. We tend to forget to walk a mile in someone else's moccasins.

    As for friends, it some times takes time. Most importantly don't be standoffish, just give an air of being welcoming. If someone looks at you, you can nod your head, say hello, smile. Try to also be relaxed. If up tight, your body is stiff and body language speaks to all around, if they notice you moving stiffly or with forced movements, they will think you are not approachable. Treat everyone as you would like to be treated. If someone tries to start a conversation and you fumble for words, well, tell them you don't know quite what to say, but would like to talk with them.

    May sound simplistic, but it is not. It is learning social grace. Keep in mind, the vast majority of the time others are as uptight as you and have their own demons they are dealing with. The idea is to get across to them that you understand but are willing to take a break from subduing it (whatever particular demon) to rest up with conversation or whatever.

    Hope things work out for you and I am sure as time goes on it will get easier. You are no different than any others and they are no different than you. All have their hopes, fears, wishes, disappointments, etc. Some are just better at covering them than others.

    Best wishes and again welcome.
     
  3. beckyg

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    I love Will & Grace! Yes, some of the stereotypes on TV can get to a person but I've seen some good quality movies and TV programs that portray gay people in a good way. Have you seen the movie Family Stone? Do you watch Brothers and Sisters?

    I think as we move through life some friendships will stay and some won't. Amazingly, my best friend throughout high school has not spoken to me since I told her I had a gay son and was advocating for gay rights. It's amazing how people you thought loved you would turn their backs so easily. I think as you come out some of your friendships might change. The ones that truly love you won't care. You will make more friends in other ways. To develop your self-esteem, try to think about the qualities in you that you love. Think of something everyday and then the next day add something else. Others will see those qualities in you also and you will lots of friends.

    Becky
     
  4. mnguy

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    Hey Nathan,

    Welcome! I'm sure you'll find that the people here are kind and caring and are here to help you. I'm sorry that people at your school have been such jerks to you. That's not cool! I don't understand how kids can be that way, but it seems like when one kid starts picking on another, others follow for some reason. It's really pathetic of them. What do you think happened in 9th grade that caused people to avoid you? Have you come out to anyone? It really sucks that you can't hang out with your own teammates.

    You should watch this movie called the Celluloid Closet. It explains how gay guys had to be depicted as neuter girly boys in order to be on the screen at all and therefore the general poplulation thinks that is how all gay guys are. It has a lot of other interesting information as well.

    I'm fairly "straight acting" so to speak and I think that most gay people are. We just blend in and people don't realize how many gay people they are around everyday. It just goes to show that when compared to straight people, we are more alike than different. We're exactly like most people in terms of having the same set of human feelings and emotions. In my opinion we may have the capacity for more compassion due to the struggles some of us go through being gay. At least I hope our struggles make us more compassionate rather than more selfish and jaded.

    Speaking of hockey, are you into the NCAA tournament? I'm a Gopher fan and am bummed that North Dakota beat them on Sun., but they are a great team too and it went to overtime just like the WCHA championship game.

    Take care and best of luck to you!
     
  5. 94nat

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    Hi Nathan, Im a Nathan also. Im only new also but im 13. I've found so far that this site is very good. I was very worried at first about myself but feel much more better now that I have posted a few questions. Im in my 2nd year of high school.
     
  6. Jim1454

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    Hi Nathan! Its quite normal that you like sports and stuff that other 'straight' guys like. I went as far as getting married and having kids! I didn't really fit in either growing up, and I wasn't ever sure why. I think I'm figuring it out now, at 35.

    While I didn't fit it at highschool all that well - I really was in my element when I went to univeristy and got into a program with other people that had similar interests and ambitions - so you may still find your niche.

    What I do know is that this site is FULL of caring, funning, insightful people that are here to help each other. Take full advantage. Don't hesitate to put a question out there or start a dialogue about something that is bothering you.

    Take care. Jim.
     
  7. Zaurak

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    Yea, Desperate Housewives and Brothers and Sisters have non stereotype gay people on them. Though Desperate Housewives has so far thisyear strayed from their gay character, not really giving him a lot of lines